Leaving You
by Viiejo
Summary: AU. After an apparent encounter with Hoyt during an accident, Jane, terrified to the bone, abandons her wife and unborn child. Four years later, Jane, now based in Florida, works a case that winds her back in Boston. Tensions will boil, anger will awaken, and the things left unsaid, will open wounds to the heart.
1. The Loving Family

One

"I want more grandchildren!" Angela Rizzoli yelled across the table while wiping the kitchen counter.

"Ma! Our little one isn't even out yet!" Jane looked over to her wife and gave a big smile. "And you want us to give you more?"

"Does it hurt to ask? But I do want at least four more," Angela hinted.

"Why are you still pressuring us? Why not Tommy or Frankie?"

"Those two are extreme late bloomers. We may never know when they'll decide to settle down. But _you two_, I know I can trust that you'll give me more."

"Well Angela," Maura began, "Jane and I have been talking about having at least another child. It would be fun to raise a large family. Besides, this little one is bound to come out any day soon."

"Do you know the gender yet?" Angela's eyes lit up.

"No we don't, ma. We don't know anything about this baby. We want it to be a surprise, now will you stop badgering us with questions? Where's Tommy and Frankie?"

"Jane! Wha-? You don't know anything? What if it's twins? Would you even have an extra crib set up?"

"Angela, we have considered the possibilities. We do have an extra bed set up, but we're currently using that as a cleaning station. We also have a sufficient amount of diapers, baby formula, and anything else we may need." Maura answered proudly.

"Janie, have I told you how lucky you are?"

"Yeah, ma. Everyday. Now where's Tommy and Frankie? The game is going to start soon!"

"Would you relax, Janie?" Maura said. "Frankie's shift ended ten minutes ago and Tommy said he had a house to paint so he should be coming soon."

"Come on, Maura. Let's put the finishing touches on the pasta.

"Okay! Just let me wash my hands."

"Hey you two!" Jane yelled from the couch. "No talking of grandbabies till our little one pops out."

"Janie! We're just going to talk about it. I'm not going to force…"

"Yeah, yeah, ma. Just hurry. Tommy and Frankie just texted saying they're on their way." Jane turned up the volume and took a sip of her beer.

ˣˣ

"Ma, is it okay if I bring someone over for dinner next time?" Tommy asked. All eyes went to him.

"You didn't knock up a girl did you?" Frankie said. He raised an eyebrow before taking a drink.

"Frankie! Did I send you to Catholic school so you can talk like that?" Angela yelled. Frankie smiled, passed the food, and continued eating.

"Who's the girl, Tommy?" Jane asked.

He turned red. Not just red, but strawberry red. "Her name is Heather Ono…"

"Tommy! You're redder than the pasta!" Frankie joked.

"Hush, Frankie. Let your brother talk."

"I met Heather at church. We've been seeing each other exclusively for a while now." Tommy's cheeks could not stop turning red. "She's amazing ma. I'd love it if you all met her."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tommy. What's her last name?" Jane asked.

"Ono." He replied.

"Ono as in 'I own that giant ass fish market that sells fish for up to $10,000 per 15 pounds? That Ono?"

"Jane, I think you mean $20,000 for 10 pounds. The one you're describing is the Crenshaw family business. Still, either one is quite exquisite." Maura interjected.

Jane's eyes went wide. "What? $20,000 for a fish? You know what I can buy with that money?"

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Yes Jane. That Ono. But she doesn't run it. Her dad and brother's do. Basically the men run the fishing harbor. She's studying to be an E.M.T. She's also a semiprofessional cyclist and she's half Italian and Japanese." Tommy kept his head down, preventing the others from seeing his everlasting smile.

"Tommy," Angela began, "I'd love to meet anyone who brings a smile like that to my children's face." She pointed at his smile. "Besides, I think it's time that you meet someone who could," she whispered, "you know…"

"Ma! He hasn't even brought her over and you're already pressuring for grandchildren!" Jane groaned.

"Someone," Angela looked at Frankie," is lagging behind. I'm not getting any younger!"

"I like the single life, ma" Frankie muttered.

"Not till you find someone who captures your heart." Tommy declared. "Isn't that right, Jane?"

Jane looked towards Maura and smiled. "You bet."

Frankie squinted his eyes. "Oh for the love of…" He got up from his chair. "I'm going to get started on the dishes. Jane and Maura, go relax."

ˣˣ

"Okay! We're leaving now! Goodnight!" Jane yelled. She held Maura's hand while holding her large purse with the other open hand.

The remaining Rizzoli's ran towards the door.

"Goodnight, Janie." Angela said. She gave her a kiss, then turned to Maura, doing the same. "Goodnight to you too Maura. I hope the little one comes out soon."

"I hope so too. Goodnight." Maura gave a tight hug. "Frankie, goodnight. Your new place is wonderful! I'd love to have more meals here. And Tommy, I can't wait to meet Heather!"

"You're welcome, Maura. Drive safe, Jane!" Frankie yelled out.

"I can't wait for you guys to meet her too!" Tommy blushed again.

"Okay, again. We're leaving now. Goodnight! Love you!" Jane opened the door, escorting her wife out. They walked hand in hand down the hall. Maura rubbed her belly, smiling with content.

"Everything okay?" Jane asked. She smiled and kissed Maura's temple.

"I'm just eager for him or her to come out…" She replied softly. They reached their car where Jane quickly opened the door for Maura. She put her wife's purse in the backseat. She ran back to the driver's seat, started driving, and with her right hand, took Maura's soft and warm and into hers.

"You know what I'm excited for?" Jane asked quietly, kissing Maura's hand.

"What's that?" Maura asked.

"I'm excited about lying on our bed tonight, while I sing to you and our little one. I'm exciting for driving you to the hospital and waiting for however many hours until you give birth to our child. I'm excited to drive back home and give a tour of the house to our child. I'm excited to cook for you, wake up at ridiculous times in the morning to either feed, cradle, or change the diaper. I'm excited about the first steps, first day of school, first tooth being pulled out, first haircut, first Sox game, everything! Maura, I love you _so _much that I can't wait for our little one to pop out."

Maura smiled grandly. She didn't expect Jane to say any of what she just said. She patted her belly and said. "Oh Jane…I love you. I love you so much Darwin's theory of evolution would have never seen us coming. You know what I'm excited for?"

"Hm?"

"I'm excited to bring our child to every place that we went to when we were dating. I want to show him or her how we evolved. Not only that, I can't wait for birthdays, shopping trips, and going to museums. But most of all," Maura lowered her voice, "I can't wait to raise our child together."

"I love you." Jane stared deeply into her wife's eyes.

At the redlight, Jane kissed Maura before honks came bursting from behind. The two women quietly giggled.

"You said shopping trips… I assume you want a girl?"

"You assume correctly…" Maura smiled.

"And what if we get a boy?"

"It doesn't hurt for our child to look nice."

Jane smiled. "Of course, Maur…I'd expect nothing less coming from you."

"I love you. So much." Maura said.


	2. Craving Fear

Two

"Jane…" She felt something moving on her bed. "Jane." Then a voice that sounded like a great angel, made the sleepy woman burst into a sweet sensation as the voice repeated "Jane" once more. She could feel her cheeked being squeezed and being swiveled back and forth. A few minutes ago, she was in the middle of Fenway Park. The entire field was lit up, but it was empty, except for Jane. She took in the cool summer air and looked at every inch of the stadium, recalling every great moment that occurred there. She looked at the pitcher's mound and smiled not because of all the memorable history that occurred there, but one that she would make tonight. She faced northeast, back completely against home plate. Suddenly, someone taps her on the shoulder.

Jane swivels around, instantly smiling at the beauty presented before her.

"Maura," she whispered, "You made it."

"I did. You also did leave sticky notes all over work today. I love the last one. 'This is the place where I'll be, my heart is what you'll see, come to me, for I kissed you under this tree.' I saw Frankie out front and sensed that something is up…and here you are."

Jane took her arms around her girlfriend, humming a song, and slow dancing.

"How did you manage to do this?" Maura asked.

"I'm one of many Boston's finest, remember?" Jane flickered her eyes.

"Oh you…"

At that point, Jane knew Maura would not be expecting what she was about to do. Jane untangled herself from her girlfriend, switching to their hands for contact.

"Maura?"

"Yes?" Her green eyes stared in Jane's chocolate eyes.

"You know I love you right?" Maura nods. "I love you so much. You've changed me into so many ways that you can imagine. I fix my hair more, eat breakfast, and actually change into my pajamas for bed. You've taught me so many things about myself. You actually listen to me, you keep up with my crazy family, heck, you even got me to eat snails and wear dresses. No one, except for my family, Korsak, and Frost, has ever stayed this long. You accept me for me and understand my job, morals, everything! Being your best friend is amazing. Being your girlfriend has been breathtaking. But will you do the honors and become my wife?" Jane kneeled down in the middle of Fenway Park, fetching a small box from her pocket. "Maura, will you marry me?"

Maura's eyes began to fill with tears and was left speechless.

"Maur?"

She could barely speak due to the overwhelming joy that filtered her body. She nodded vigorously, before ultimately muttering, "Yes".

"Jane." There it was again. That sweet and angelic voice. Why am I shaking so much? "Jane, please wake up."

_Oh_. It hits her. Suddenly, Jane wakes up slowly, confused solely because she just witnessed herself proposing to Maura.

"What is it, Maur? Did your water break? Are you having contractions?"

"No I…"

Jane interrupted as she looked at the clock. "Jesus, Maur! It's 3:12 am! Please tell me you're okay. Do I need to call the doctor? Do I need to-?"

"Jane."

"Take you to the hospital?"

"Jane."

"Should I call my…"

"Jane!"

"Mom? Your mom?"

"Jane! Listen to me!" Maura almost yelled. Jane stayed put, waiting for her wife to speak again. "I'm craving cheddar cheese, watermelons, and orange juice. Can you get some for me?"

Jane's eyes went wide. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but has learned to not argue back and retrieve the items her wife wishes. Underneath the blanket, Jane whispered, "Okay…I'll be back." She gave her wife a desirable kiss, got a change of clothes, and left for the supermarket at 3:15 in the morning.

"Thank you, Jane. I love you." Maura called out.

"I love you more. Stay warm, okay?" Jane said.

ˣˣ

The total trip to the store felt much longer than it should have felt. At 3:30 am Jane could feel the difference in the air, one in her suit and the other in her sweatpants and jacket. The man at the cash register looked with no emotion, scanning the items, and literally throwing them into the bag, without passion. Then the man looked up and his eyes flickered. Although Jane's head looked at the newspapers, she felt his eyes. Once she finished paying, she caught a glance of her own reflection against the window. She stared at herself for a moment, noticing the deep and dark circle that encaged her eyes. Jane was forced to be on desk duty for the last trimester of Maura's pregnancy. She didn't understand why her 8 to 5 job would make her look this way. It wasn't the sleep either, because her wife made sure she had enough to sleep at all times. So what was making Detective Jane Rizzoli so tired?

"Get a hold of yourself, Rizzoli." Jane muttered to herself. She entered her car, looked at the rearview mirror and said, "What's eating you up?"

Maybe it was the absence from being on the field, running after suspects, interrogating, and all that stuff. It's what Jane knows what and how to do. The only thing that really kept her moving forward before meeting Maura. She missed being a detective, but her wife meant much more to her. The image of Maura waiting sound fully at home made Jane smile. Never in her life did she ever imagine getting cheddar cheese, watermelon, and orange juice at 3 in the morning. Not for herself, not for her mom, no one. Never in her life did she see herself finding someone who would understand her. Never in her life did she see herself getting married and settling down. But most of all, Jane Rizzoli never saw herself as being a mother.

Before Maura, her job was the only thing, besides her family, that kept her moving. It was in her heart, no, _her_ blood, to protect citizens of Boston and to keep the streets safe. She knew that it would really take someone to understand the long hours and the risks that she would encounter to be with her. One day, Jane could be having dinner with her family. Next thing you know, her body is being transported to the morgue. Jane hated that thought and vowed to never let anyone feel that one. She didn't want anyone to worry about her. But if someone did manage to understand her job, fall in love, get married and have kids, Jane knew her relationship with her child and the child's father won't run at its best. How can a child want a mother who is doing her job to protect the citizens more than taking care of her own child? What example would that set? For years, Jane convinced herself that it wouldn't be fair. For year, it was either her job or nothing. Jane played a very small role in her cousin's children's lives. It felt awkward, wrong, and unjust. The emotional connection was missing. The love an adult should give to a child was missing. It's different on a case. You do whatever it takes to find the child, bring him or her back to their family, and move on to the next case. There would be little or no consoling involved. Hugs would be kept to a minimum, and really, there would be nothing else that Jane would have to do. All the mushy things would be dealt with the family or a therapist. Not Jane. Not workaholic, don't-do-emotional-with-me Jane.

But because of Maura, many things in her life changed. She wanted that someone who understood her and her job. She wanted to wake up and sleep next to someone she loved with her entire heart. She wanted a more reasonable schedule, but without putting her on the desk. Heck, she wanted little versions of herself and Maura running around. She wanted to cradle little Maura, kiss the boo-boo's, and listen to the little Googlet.

Jane did not realize how one person can change everything over a course of time. Jane always feared that she wouldn't be enough, would never be fit to have a child, never raise the child well. No matter how excited she was about having a child with her wife, the feeling of not being good enough lurked nearby.

"Maur," Jane entered her bedroom, bags in hand. "Sweetheart, I got your food."

Maura reached out, smiling. "Thank you, love." She leaned in for a kiss. "Come, feast with me." Jane obliged. She tucked herself under the blanket, opening the container. Maura quickly grabbed the carton of organic juice, drinking it without a cup.

"Wow, Maur. "Jane said, wide opened. "This week's craving is much stronger than last week, huh?"

"It's what the little one wants." Maura replied. Jane kissed her wife's stomach. She caressed it lightly before humming to it.

"You know, the baby love your humming." Maura stated. She chewed on her stick of cheese.

"I can't wait to actually hold and hum to our little one." Jane bit her lip.

"I love you, Jane." Maura said softly.

"I love you too," Jane replied, slowly falling asleep on her wife's chest.


	3. Dreams

Three

"Jane, why do you look like you woke up in the middle of the night?" Angela asked. Tommy handed his plate before joining Frankie at the couch.

"What me? I look fine."

"Janie, I know Maura makes you get at least eight hours of sleep."

"Ma, I'm fine!" She grabbed Maura's hand. "We're fine!"

"Tell me what you did last night." Angela demanded.

"Ma, gross! We don't want to hear it!" Tommy yelled from the couch.

"If you are going to have the _girl talk_, please leave my house." Frankie said sarcastically.

"You are all just so gross. Now will you stop nagging!" Jane said.

"You know how the doctor feels about sex during pregnancy."

Jane looked at Maura. "Uh…which doctor?"

"Jane, you're seriously gross. Just gross." Tommy said.

"Dr. Gray!"

"Ma, it's Dr. Fray, not Gray!" Jane said. "And no we did not have sex last night."

"Liar!" Tommy yelled.

"Shut it, Tommy! Anyways, Maura woke me up at 3 something because she was having another craving."

Angela looked at Maura. "Is that true?"

"Ma, she can't lie. We've been over this a million times."

"Maura, is that true?" Angela asked.

Maura nodded. "I was having a rather strong appetite for cheese, watermelon, and orange juice. But it's what the little one wants." Maura patter her belly. Angela watched for a moment to see if her daughter in law would begin to hyperventilate.

"See ma. It's true."

Angela smirked. "Whatever. As long as you two are doing what you need to. By the way, when is he or she due?"

"Any day now," Jane started. "Just like last week…"

"Janie! Can you bring us some chips!" Frankie yelled from the couch.

"Why don't you get up?" Jane asked.

"Ma!" Frankie screamed.

"Janie." Angela glared at her daughter.

"Guh. Fine." She grabbed the chips and went to the couch.

"So Maura." Angela began. She cleared the counter before making her way to the open seat. "Have you thought about names yet?"

"We have actually. If it's a boy, he'll be named Johnny Michael Rizzoli-Isles. And if it's a girl, Arissa Isabella Rizzoli-Isles." Maura replied with a smile.

"Those are such wonderful names!"

"Thank you. Jane and I deliberated with many names. I even bought a baby name book but before I even opened the book, Jane yelled out those two names."

"Typical of her." Angela smiled. The two women sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the Rizzoli siblings yell at the screen. Angela looked towards Maura whose eyes were fixed on Jane. She noticed Maura's blooming face, smiling with her mouth and eyes. Angela thought about how lucky she was to have a wonderful daughter in law, who treats and loves her daughter more than the world.

"You love her a lot, huh?" Angela asked.

Maura blushed. She smiled and said, "So much."

"You could stare at her for hours, huh?"

"Absolutely…oh!"

"What is it?" Angela was startled.

"The baby kicked." Maura's smile grew greater than the Grand Canyon. "Oh! It kicked again!"

"JANE!" Angela yelled. Jane quickly ran to the two women, eyes frantic like the midnight sky.

"What? What is it?"

"Give me your hand!" Jane walked towards Maura. "Did you feel that?"

Jane smiled, suddenly putting both hands on her wife's belly. "Our little one hasn't kicked in a while."

"Angela," Maura said, "Come here. Feel it."

Jane stepped next to Maura, embracing her. She watched her mom and wife interact. She thought to herself and wondered what was there to be scared about. She will be a great mother, Jane thought. Sure there will be ups and downs, but life itself has its moments. She kissed and massaged her wife.

ˣˣ

"Maura, honey, you really shouldn't be standing." Angela said. Jane sat on the couch listening to the two women while her brothers went to buy refreshments. Jane flickered through different channels. Her head buzzed with many thoughts. The baby, work, Heather, her dad, and everything that ever meant something to Jane.

"It's really okay, Angela. We have more guests coming over and you're going to need all the help you can get!"

"Nonsense! We're almost done anyways. I'm just waiting for the pie to finish baking."

"Well," Maura hesitated, "if you insist." She sat down, secretly relieved. "What time is Detective Frost coming?"

"Seven I think. Frankie told him to bring along Sergeant Detective Korsak as well. They said to not wait for them to eat, if they run late."

The two women continued talking. Jane started to feel tired. The television was slurring the words. The room began to spin. The windows were blowing cold and harsh air in. Jane closed her eyes, but it didn't stop. Suddenly, she felt extremely cold. Goosebumps formed all over her body. Images began to slice through her mind. She saw a child left in the middle of their childhood house. The child was crying softly. Then the child lifted a sign that read "Why did you leave me?"

"Jane!" a voice yelled out. She continued to stare at the child. She smelled like Maura, hell, she even looked like her. _Is this my daughter_, Jane thought. She couldn't help but to stare at the sign.

Why did you leave me?

"She's not breathing! Jane, I need you to breathe for me!"

The child continued to cry. Then another child came, this time a body. He too held a sign saying the same thing.

Why did you leave me?

"Janie! Sweetheart!"

The two young children got up and left, leaving the sign for Jane to read.

Why did you leave me?

"Her lips are turning blue! Why is she resisting us?"

Jane's subconscious left her and jolted awake. She took in large gasps of air, quickly scanning the room for either the two young children or the sign.

"Jane, are you okay?" Maura asked. The sound of her voice immediately calmed Jane down. "Was it another bad dream?"

Jane did not reply. She simply could not.

"Was it…" Maura whispered. "Hoyt?"

No reply. Was this dream equivalent to Hoyt? Could this dream be measured to the horrors of Hoyt? How could she explain that there were two kids holding a sign saying "Why did you leave me"? Revealing that information would eventually lead to telling them that although she cannot wait to raise a child with Maura, Jane will always be afraid of not being enough and end up being a terrible mom. She'd much rather be childless than have a child that she cannot raise well, even with the help of Maura. So instead, she nods, claiming it to be another Hoyt dream.

"It's okay Janie." Angela embraced her daughter." It's alright…"

"Go lay down for a while." Maura instructed. It was a statement Jane knew to not object to. "I'll get you when everyone is here. Come on now."

"Maura, no…" Jane mumbled. "I don't want to rest. I need to keep myself busy."

Angela looked at Maura and nodded their heads. "If you say so…but you're setting the table!"

ˣˣ

"Who was that on the phone?" Korsak asked. Tommy walked back into the kitchen, beaming.

"Heather. She just called to re-confirm her flight."

Angela put her fork down. "Flight? What do you mean flight? Doesn't she live around here?"

"Yeah she does, ma. But she's with her team in France. Remember? Semi-professional cyclist?" Tommy gave Angela the 'duh' look.

"Uh," Frost cleared his throat. "Does she know about your little _run on_ with the priest?"

"Oh wow. I'm surprised I never asked that," Jane said. "So _does_ she know?"

"Guys, can we eat?" Tommy asked quickly.

"Why are you avoiding?" Frankie nudged a pasta at him.

"Hey! I'm not!"

"Well, actually you are. People tend to avoid a subject if they quickly bring something else up or like you, suggest something else." Maura stated.

"Come on Tommy," Frost said. "Does she know?"

All six faces stared at him, ears open, and eager to know.

"Yeah, she does."

"Whoa, whoa. How did you tell her?" Jane asked.

"Hi, I'm an ex-convict, but I like you." Frankie murmured.

"Ha-ha. Very funny. I told her like how people want information. She was quiet for a few minutes, but then told me that…and this is her exact words…'It is in our human race to make mistakes. But what is more important is when we stand up and change for the better.'"

"Clever." Frost said.

"I agree with her." Maura replied.

"Well isn't that just wonderful." Frankie thought out loud.

"Hey! It's true!" Tommy yelled.

"Tommy," Jane and Maura got up. "I'm very happy for you. I really can't wait to meet her, but we gotta go. Baby has been restless for a while now, okay?"

"Thank you again for the wonderful meal!"


	4. Water, Crash, Hoyt

Four

"I just got off the phone with Korsak," Jane walked into their living room. She adjusted her belt buckle before sitting down.

"And?" Maura asked.

"He said that if we could drop by for at least an hour…"

"What for?"

"He didn't say."

"Did he sound like he needed us for a case?"

"Maur, you know we're not allowed to work cases."

"Yes, I remember," Maura paused. "Do you think we should go?"

"It wouldn't hurt right?" Jane smiled.

ˣˣ

Jane and Maura walked up the stairs, past the security check, and up the elevator and down the hall to find the bullpen completely deserted. Jane escorted her wife to Frankie's chair. She looked around and tuned up her ears, looking for voices or sounds in the midst of silence. She heard a feint bump at the other corner of the room. Maura quickly gawked at Jane at which Jane replied with a stern nod. Jane put her hand on her gun, slowly taking it out. She walked towards the desk, quieting her footsteps. She quickly scanned the contents of the desk. Papers, files, coffee cups, the computer. Nothing out of the ordinary. She rounded next to the chair, before moving it. Then, Jane zipped out her gun, pointing it at the darkened figure.

"Whoa! Jane, it's me!" a voice said. Jane arched her eyebrows. She put her gun back inside the holster. She looked at Maura before kneeling behind the desk.

"Korsak? Is that you? What the hell?" Jane yelled. "Are we having a hold up in here? Another Marino?"

Korsak didn't reply. Instead, he buried his head into the ground.

"Korsak! What the hell!"

Jane cursed in her head. She still had her back against her wife.

"Jane?" Maura said. Jane slowly turned around.

"Surprise!" A hoard of voices yelled. Jane jumped, put her hand on her hips, and raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell?" Jane looked at the banner that her co-workers were holding. "It's a boy? Really?"

Maura got up from her chair. She walked to Jane and whispered, "Uh, honey, what's going on?"

"Exactly what I'm trying to figure out." She replied. "What _is _going on here?"

"Your baby shower!" Frost said. "Except it's a really late one. It is a boy right?" He looked at the banner.

"We don't know," Jane replied.

"So, it's a girl?" a voice yelled out. "Crap! Plan B guys! Quick!" Several policemen and detectives rushed to get pink balloons and decorations while hiding the blue ones.

"Wha? Guys, no. We don't know!" Jane yelled.

The sound of plastic and paper ripping stopped.

"Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot to announce it to the rest of the world." Jane said sarcastically. "No, we don't know the gender of the baby."

"Oh…" an officer said. "So do we hold both banners up?"

"Never mind that," Frost directed Jane and Maura to their chairs. "You two need to sit and," he grabbed a present, "open this."

Jane and Maura stared back at all the smiling faces. Maura took the first step to unwrap the gift.

"Nice Frost!" Jane said excitedly. She couldn't stop gazing at the complete Red Sox infant set. One by one, Jane held out a beanie, hat, shirt, pants, shoes, bib, pacifier, and a foam finger.

"Look at the back of the shirt." Frost said.

Jane smiled. "Really? 'Uncle Barry is the best?'"

"At least it's in small print." Frost winked.

"Thanks, man." Jane said.

"Uh, hey Rizzoli. Since most of the gifts are boy gifts, what's going to happen if he becomes a she?" an officer asked.

"First of all," Maura spoke out. "Jane and I are extremely grateful that you've all taken your time to be a part of this. Whoever decided to put this together, thank you. Now, as for the gifts, we'll just have to wait and see."

"When are ya due?" another officer asked from the back.

Maura tried to look for a face to match the voice. "Any day now…"

"Whoa, okay. Guys. Before we jump to that, do you still want us to open the gifts?"

All together, the men yelled and agreed for them to continue with the presents.

Half an hour after unraveling gifts, Jane and Maura were led into different conversations. Jane listened to stories, continuous praises, questions, and comments while looking past the crowd to check on her wife. They would make eye contact, smile, and return to their conversation. Jane looked around the room, observing all the familiar faces. She saw Cavanaugh, the guy who towed her car away for parking right in front of the building, heck, even Stanley was there, mingling around and not being over-dramatic that his feet "is making contact with the ground."

"Hey kid, you excited or what?" Korsak knuckled her elbow.

"Yeah I am. The little one seems to be taking all the time in the world."

Korsak laughed. "You got that right. That's probably an Isles baby. Anyways, here," he grabbed a small box from the table. "From Uncle Vince."

Jane unwrapped the gift, revealing a customized Red Sox, Celtics, Revolution, Patriots, and Bruins jersey. On the back, it read "Rizzoli-Isles" with the number 3 on it.

"Thanks Korsak." Jane smiled and gave him a hug. "And you remembered…the number three."

"How can I? I watched you drool over Maura for years before you two even realized your feelings for each other. Oh and look at the bottom of the jersey."

Jane read it aloud. "Uncle Vince is better than Uncle Barry."

"Nice, huh?" Korsak smiled.

"What, did you and Frost plan this?" Jane aked.

"Nah. I knew he was going to do it. So I thought, 'Why not?'"

"Thanks again." Jane said. "Anyways, who managed to get Stanley to be here?"

Korsak looked at the other end of the room where Stanley stood. "You know, he was the one who suggested this."

Jane's eyes grew big. "What? Really? That guy _hates _me." Jane looked at her cup. "God, he probably poisoned my drink."

"Relax, kid. He merely suggested it. Everyone else just pitched into getting the supplies and food." Korsak said.

"Oh…" Jane thought for a moment. "Guess I should go thank him, I guess."

"Yeah, have fun with that." Korsak laughed.

Jane smirked at the senior detective while cautiously walking towards Stanley. She tok in a deep breath before approaching the peculiar man.

"Hey Stanley." Jane said, giving a weak smile.

Stanley's hazel eyes gave way to his stern and bushy eyebrows. "Hey Rizzoli."

"Uh, I heard you were the one who suggested this." Jane stated slowly. She took her napkin and wrapped it around her drink, noticing Stanley's shallow breathing. "I just wanted to thank you."

Stanley continued to watch Jane wrap her fingers on the cup. He didn't smile nor did he give off any heartfelt emotions. With that, Jane turned around and walked towards Korsak.

"Hey Rizzoli," Stanley said. " You got a good one. Take care of her and the little one."

Stunned by his comment, Jane smiled, turned around, and continued walking. Her co-workers looked relax and calm; a sight that has been lost for quite some time now. She continued pacing, noticing things on the floor when an officer ran up to her.

"Detective Rizzoli!" he said. "Your…your…she's…water…everywhere…"

"What?" Jane looked at his badge. "Officer Bees, calm down. What happened?"

Frost came running in. "Jane, Maura's water broke."

"WHAT? SHIT. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY." Jane pushed the officer away. She jumped over chairs, trashcans, balloons, and gifts before running towards the hallway.

"WHERE IS SHE?" Jane asked.

"Bathroom!" Frost replied, running behind her.

"What the hell? How'd you know her water broke then?" Jane asked, suddenly defensive.

"Hey, she told me to stand guard at the door. So I did." Frost said. "Look, I don't know how it's like to be pregnant and the need to pee. But 5 minutes became 10 and that's when I knocked."

"And then?"

"She said, 'Go get Jane', which basically translates to 'My water broke.'"

Jane nodded, "This bathroom?"

"Yeah. I'll stand out here. Just call for my name if you need me."

"Thanks, Frost." Jane pushed the doors and quickly looked under the stalls. "Maura!"

"Jane…I…my…" Maura said.

"It's alright. I've got you. Come on. We're going to the hospital." Jane helped her wife get to her feet.

"I can't believe it had to happen now! And in this dress!" Maura pouted. Jane couldn't help but to smile.

"We can get another one." Jane said. She pushed the door and found Frost still standing guard. "Hey, can you tell everyone we had to go."

"Okay, I will. Korsak and I will be there in an hour."

"What? It's almost midnight. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Says the workaholic detective." Frost winked. "And Maura, I don't really know what to say, but I know you'll do good."

"Thank you, Barry." Maura said.

"Yeah, thanks man. We gotta get going. I'll call my everyone once we're there."

ˣˣ

"Jane, could you slow down a bit?" Maura asked. She gripped onto her seat.

"What? I'm only driving 40 right now."

"Jane, please." Maura closed her eyes.

"Come on, Maura. The quicker we get there, the sooner we'll see our child."

Maura continued her breathing exercises. The road bore very people, but still had the typical hot-blooded Bostonian drivers around. The anticipation hit Jane as she squeezed the wheel. After months of trying to get Maura pregnant through several artificial insemination, both Jane and Maura decided to try one last time. This last time would consist of Jane giving one of her eggs and inserting it into Maura. Really, Maura had two eggs, _two chances_, and the sperm donor to make a baby.

The first time Maura told Jane about being late on her period, Jane quickly drove to the store and bought 3 of the best pregnancy tests. Half an hour later, they laid on their bed, holding each other, excited about the news for their first child. As months grew, so did Maura's stomach. The monthly doctor appointments because a special treat for then. Too many times did the nurse ask the couple if they wanted to know the gender. And too many times did they decline the offer. Jane smiled at the memories. The idea of knowing and not knowing at the same time, thrilled the two women.

As each second passed, they sat in silence knowing they were getting closer to a new chapter in their life. A Rizzoli-Isles baby that would complete the picture. Jane's heart began to leap with happiness. Suddenly, visions of birthdays, school plays, baseball practices, and trips to the museum entered her mind. Jane smiled as the desire to experience those events grew stronger in a matter of minutes. Bust, as the orange light turned red, she remembers the fears and that one single dream. Will she be a good mother? Will she ever live up to her own mother's expectations? And the two young children, holding the sign with the unforgettable question, _why did you leave me? _A question all too chilling to remember.

But like all car accidents, it always happens too fast.

The second the red light turned green, Jane released her foot off the brakes and slowly accelerated. The car came out of nowhere. She didn't even hear the engine roaring. The car hit Maura's side first at top speed. The car rolled at least ten times, sending both women to straight unconsciousness.

The first thing that Jane did was look over to Maura, despite the piercing pain in her neck. Maura's face was covered in blood. Her body laid unmoved. Jane's arms were caught under her seat, stuck by the giant metal frame of the car. Her body screamed in pain as she unraveled herself from the car.

"Maur?" Jane's voice croaked. No reply. The pain was intense. Broken shatters of glasses splattered everywhere. The smell of gasoline evaporated into her lungs. Jane managed to get half of her body out of the entangled car. She lifts her head to see if anyone was coming. She dragged herself ten more feet. On the other side of the intersection, a white pickup truck stood almost unharmed. The driver dangled unconscious, arm and head drooping out the window.

Jane lifted her head to the left. Her vision began to blur again. In the seconds before hearing sirens and ambulances and entering a complete state of darkness, she sees an old man holding yet another sign.

It read: **Long Live Hoyt.**


	5. Miracle of Accidents

Five

"We need to put restraints on her. We won't be able to do much if she keeps moving around."

Jane went in and out of conscious. She heard several muffles of orders, then drifted back to sleep. Suddenly, she's staring at the fluorescent light, mainly because her head brace allowed no movement. The voices kept going.

"Man, never I my life did I ever expect to work on Detective Jane Rizzoli." He put an I.V on her arm.

Another voice said, "Yeah. Same here. She risks her life to fight off a serial killer, shoots herself to take out that dirty cop, and manages to put criminals to where they belong on a daily basis." He gave a pure sympathetic look to Jane. "She risks her life to protect and what happens? A drunk driver rams his car into theirs. Life's never fair."

"No it's not, nor will it ever be. Stabilize her heart pressure for me. We need to relieve that swelling on her head." He commanded. "God, I really hope her wife will be okay. Damn bastard."

"Stabilizing heart pressure. It looks good." He checked the monitor. "I read about their engagement and wedding on the paper. 'Detective Jane Rizzoli to marry Chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Maura Isles.' Headline news, man."

"Yeah, I saw that too. I really hope they make it."

"The doc's pregnant right?"

"Yeah. Such a shame and tragedy is they don't make it. That's why I hate alcohol. It takes innocent lives away."

"You got that right." He replied. "Look, we're here."

Jane slipped back into darkness as she felt the gurney being transported.

In the emergency room where Maura was brought, a chaotic mess was being drawn about. Doctors and nurses ran from left to right, trying to find supplies and machines to save Maura and the baby and to prevent more blood loss.

Dr. Fray, Jane and Maura's gynecologist, walked down the hall and past the emergency rom. He heard the usual midnight commotion, but later realized that the commotion was due to a car accident that may or may not have cost Maura's life.

He walked towards the counter, about to leave after his 14 hour shift, until he heard one of the doctor's yelling.

"We're losing too much blood! If this continues, we'll lose the baby!"

"The baby?" Dr. Fray questioned. He looked at the nurse who shrugged her shoulders. "Don't clock me out yet."

He walked into the room quietly. He watched a wall of doctors and nurses blocking the view of the patient. When one of the nurses turned around, she gave a look of relief.

". We have a pregnant woman. She just got in from a head on collision."

"Drunk driver?" he asked.

"Sadly."

"How much has she lost?"

"Too much."

Dr. Fray nodded. "Okay. Patient's name?"

"It's the Chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Maura Rizzoli-Isles."

His eyes went wide.

"Do you know her?"

"Yes…yes…she's one of my patients. I just saw her a week ago for her monthly check up. She's supposed to be due any day now."

"Does she know she's having twins?" the nurse asked.

"Not twins." He interjected. He walked beside the other doctor, staring at the blood-soaked honey blonde.

"Not twins?"

"Two different eggs. One from her and the other from her wife."

"Do they know they're having two kids then?"

"No. Nothing. They didn't even want to know the gender. They said they wanted it to be a complete surprise."

"Do you know where her wife is?" The leading doctor asked. He turned to Dr. Fray, taking out his hand. "My name is Dr. David Anton. This is my first day here and I'm also covering for Dr. Reynolds."

"Dr. Fray. Good to meet you. I understand we have a pregnant woman, which by the way, is also my patient."

"I see." He looked at the monitors and examined Maura's vitals. "I can only say right now that we need to get the baby out."

"Exactly my plans."

"Ever done an emergency c-section?" Dr. Anton asked.

"Not in a while. Come on, let's go."

"Folks, let's take her up to the seventh floor, pronto."

ˣˣ

"God, I can't believe we're going to be uncles." Korsak said. Frost followed behind, carrying his jacket and several gifts.

"Well," Frost began, "unofficial ones anyways."

They walked into the elevator, pressed the button and watched the doors close.

"About time the baby is out." Korsak laughed. "I'm glad we got officers to clean up at the party. Can you believe that half an hour ago we were asking when they baby's due? Now it's coming!"

"Whoa, chill _Uncle _Vince." Frost winked. "Before we even get to that," the elevator doors opened, "We need to find Jane and Maura."

The two men walked to the counter where Korsak began to speak. "Hi, we're looking for a Rizzoli-Isles. Can you tell us what room they're in?"

"Good to see you again Detectives. All good news, I hope?" the nurse said.

"Yup. Jane and Maura's baby finally decided to pop out!" Korsak said excitedly. The nurse began typing on the computer.

"About time, huh?" She said, eyes still glued to the screen. "I've been reading the newspaper about their progress."

"Yeah, looks like Boston's greatest couple is on the news every day! So what room are they in?"

"That's weird. They're not appearing on the database. Are you sure they came in tonight?"

"Positive. Maura's water broke about half an hour ago." Korsak said.

"What seems to be the problem then?" Frost asked.

"I'm sure you know this, but every time a patient is brought here, they're name gets registered on our database for…"

"…personal, security, and information purposes…" Frost ended her sentence. "Are their names registered?"

"Yea, but…" she said.

"But?" Korsak asked.

"Their names are showing up under the sixth and seventh floor."

Frost thought for a moment. "Wait. Isn't that the operating room and the ICU?"

Korsak's eyes grew wide. "Shit. You're right." He turned to the nurse. "You're positive that their names are on those floors."

"Absolutely. Here, take a look." She swiveled the screen to the detectives.

Frost reached for his phone. "Hey, we need to call their parents. Can you check for recent accidents in the area?"

Korsak nodded. "Thanks for your help."

"Hey, it's Frost." He said on the phone. "Can you check for traffic cameras within two miles from the hospital? Thanks."

"Hey Frost. Let's go."

They ran back to the elevator, scared, confused, and at the most, suddenly eager to find out what has really happened.

ˣˣ

Dr. Fray stared at Maura's body, watching as her chest rose and fell, while the nurses began inputting breathing tubes down her throat. In a matter of minutes, he recalled every worried phone call or e-mail from Jane, monthly appointments, and little thank you gifts from the couple. He watched them grow happier, excited, and anxious as months progressed. In fact, Jane took the liberty to educate herself about the process. He watched Jane grow and love the baby even before it entered the world. Dr. Fray wondered what else could have gone wrong. Little did he know.

"Doctor, we're ready for you." A nurse said. He snapped back to reality. He nodded, went next to the tools, and grabbed a scalpel.

"Ready?" he asked the nurses. They all nodded. "We need to get both out now!" He pointed at the ultrasound. "This one," he looked at the first baby, "got the majority of the impact. You internies, don't bail on me. I'll need you. Ready?"

They nodded once again as they watched him make the first cut.

"Keep an eye on her vitals. Could you hand me a towel?"

Dr. Fray carefully separated the skin, muscles, and tissue before reaching the uterus.

"When this baby comes out, weight it, measure it, and send it right away to have it checked out. I don't want anyone to stop you from doing so." The nurses nodded. "Ready? On three. One. Two. Three!" He pulled out the baby, and in second of looking at it, his heart felt a moment relief.

"Label her 'Rizzoi-Isles' for now. She's a strong one." He watched the nurses do exactly as he instructed. Looking at the new-born, he noticed a very early shade of honey blonde on her head. _Definitely an Isles baby_, he thought.

"Doctor…" a nurse nudged his shoulder.

"Yes. Sorry. How's her pressure?"

"Excellent so far. We may need to begin with her head trauma soon."

"Okay. We'll have Dr. Anton take care of that." He said. He wiped Maura's stomach again. "Second baby. You ready?"

"Yes sir."

"Okay. Here it goes." He gently took out the second baby, revealing it to be a boy. "This is the baby they never knew about." He said quietly. "_This one _is the Rizzoli baby." He handed the second child to the nurse.

"Dr. Fray?" The nurse asked. "Can you explain how they're not twins?"

"Guess medical school never taught you this, huh?" he chuckled.

The nurse continued wiping the baby. "No sir."

"Maura carried her wife's egg and her own egg, so that would mean two eggs right? Also meaning two more chances. But they had one source of sperm."

"I don't understand how she can carry two eggs…"

"The miracle of life. It still amazes me to this day. Just get this little one checked out. After Dr. Anton works on Maura, have them be in the same room. Oh. Don't forget to label him Rizzoli-Isles, okay?"

"Will do, doc."


	6. Determination and Fear

Six

Hoyt was back. Or at least it seemed he never left. Hoyt was back despite the fact that Jane stabbed him in the heart.

The dream started like any another Hoyt dream.

_She was walking into another dark house. The air was still. The air crept with years and years of forgotten silence. The old wooden floors creaked as she tried to quietly make her way down the hall, clearing every room by herself. Then she'd hear very feint crying somewhere in the house, where her heart told her to find it, but her mind said to wait for Korsak. Too bad the heart always rules the head._

_ Jane suddenly felt the urge to leave. But the crying continued. She followed it to a bedroom where the sound of crying came from a C.D player. Something's not right, she thought. Then out of nowhere, BAM! She's knocked unconscious. Fifteen minutes later, she wakes up to a blurry figure on top of her._

_ "Oh Jane…" Hoyt said, sliding his scalpel around her face and neck. "Your scars look so beautiful. Do they still hurt?"_

_ With that, he pierced the scalpel through her wrist. The bones cracked and Jane screamed her loudest as she attempted to ward him off._

_ "Jane…you know better than to do that." He ran his other hand through Jane's hair, laughing as he ripped the scalpel out from her wrist. He wiped the blood on Jane's lips._

_ "You know I'm never going away, right? We're connected to each other. If one dies, the other follows. Isn't that right?" He began cutting Jane's arm, making it look like suicide. Blood exploded everywhere. Jane felt her veins rushing to pump blood and throb as every second passed. She felt cold air entering her open arm. She didn't look down, but she could feel the cut had started from the edge of her wrist all the way to her shoulder. Hoyt began cutting at her neck, slowly as he smiled when he listened to the skin and tissues ripping apart._

_ "Don't move now. You don't want me to accidentally hit your trachea, now would we? I'm sure you know what's going to happen to you if I do." He smiled and laughed some more. He got up. "I'll be right back, sweetheart."_

_ Once he left, despite the pain all over her body, she slowly managed to lift her head. Her feet were cuffed to the ground. Jane felt blood oozing everywhere. She tried to speak, but nothing came out._

_ This is it, she though. She heard Hoyt coming back._

_ "Oh Jane…your silly partner made a mistake." He threw something at her, landing next to her head. "You guys never learn your lesson, do you?" He pointed at the figure. "That's his hand by the way. Don't worry. He'll still have another one to work with."_

_ He climbed on top of Jane again. "I should tell you that your doctor friend is at her home right now, resting on crimson beauty. Your 'team' will be there soon when they realize that she isn't answering her phone or calling in for work. What's her name? Maura right? Maura Isles?"_

_ With that, Jane felt a thunderbolt of anger. Just hearing Maura's name sent her to overdrive. She used the remainder of her strength to head butt him, causing the scalpel to be thrown off to the side. Though her feet was shackled to the ground, the rest of her body remained free. Jane literally felt her blood running. Hoyt was on his back,, shocked by the sudden resistance. Jane reached for the scalpel and ran it down Hoyt's chest._

_ "Have you learned our lesson? Love conquers all!"_

"Jane! Can you hear me? It's Dr. Grayson. Inject the sedatives now!"

Jane bolted awake. She looked at the crowd that was presented to her.

"Jane, you're at the hospital. I'm Doctor-."

"Where's Maura?" She demanded. She tried to get up.

"Jane, I need you to calm down. I need to check your -."

"I'm awake, alive, and breathing. What more can you do? Now where's my wife?"

"Please, Jane. Allow me to do my checkup." The doctor said. When Jane didn't argue back, he stepped forward and began his examination. He took out his flashlight and began pointing at Jane's eyes.

"Look at my nose," he instructed, "Now look at the corner of the room. Now the left. Good."

"Why does my head hurt?" Jane asked.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Someone rammed into our car."

The doctor nodded. "The impact caused your car to flip multiple times."

It was Jane's turn to nod. "Can I see my wife now?"

"Just a few more minutes. I'm ordering you to stay I bed for the next couple of days."

Jane opened her mouth to object, but was interrupted. "I didn't say you can't visit your wife. I just don't want you walking around yet on your own. You've suffered a concussion and several bruising all throughout your body."

"But I'm alive and well. So I'm okay." Jane stated.

"They were right about you." He smiled.

"About what?"

"You really are eager to get out. I've been advised to be consistent with you, Jane. They tell me you hide your pain."

"I'm okay, really. Now please, let me see my wife."

"Don't you want to see your family first?" He asked.

Jane fell silent. "Uh…they're here? How long as it been since the…you know…accident?"

"Two hours." He said. He continued inputting information onto the iPad.

"TWO HOURS? Wait. Maura! THE BABY!" Jane exclaimed, finally returning to reality.

"I'm not the right doctor to be talking to in regards to your wife and child. As soon as your family arrives from the waiting room, I'll have a nurse escort you to your wife's room." He began walking out the door. "Don't forget. I don't want you on your feet. I'm sure you'll disobey, but if you do, no standing for more than ten minutes at a time."

The doctor and nurses left leaving Jane alone to listen to the machines. The room was dimly lit. She cursed at herself for allowing it to happen. She tried to recall the last few hours. Party. Stanley. Water breaking. Glass shattering. Hoyt. Hospital.

"Hoyt!" Jane said to herself. Her dream was about Hoyt. The last event before getting to the hospital dealt with Hoyt. Was he back? It's impossible though. Jane was at the funeral. She watched them bring his body to the cemetery. In fact, she demanded them to open the casket to make sure it was him. She also made sure that he was 100% dead and that there were no weapons to help him dig himself out, if that were a possibility. She listened through the prayers, not citing any of them. She was the one who closed and locked the casket. She threw the key in a large grinder, smiling in satisfaction. She was the first and last person to pile dirt over him. Once it finished, she returned to work and went on with her day.

But the fact that a man holding a sign and a dream about Hoyt occurring within hours of each other seemed obscure. What are the odds of that happening? No matter how many times Jane knew the facts, the memories never went away. Hoyt will continue to terrorize her till her dying breath.

There was a knock on the door.

"Janie?" a voice said.

"Ma?"

Angela, Frankie, Tommy, Korsak, and Frost walked into the room. They scattered to various areas of the room while they watched Angela walk toward Jane.

"Oh honey. How are you feeling?" Angela hugged her.

_How do I feel? I feel like an unbelievable piece of crap. MY wife is on a hospital bed because of me. I don't know if my child made it. Hoyt it apparently back even though I buried him. I don't know if I'm fit to be a mom, _Jane thought.

"In pain." Jane said. "My head hurts."

"I brought you and Maura food. By the way, how is she?"

Jane's breath stood still. She focused onto the bare wall in front of her. "I don't know ma. I just woke up…"

"The doctor told me it has been…"

"Two hours…I know ma. Can you help me get up?" Jane pulled the blankets off. She removed the tubes that were attached to her. Jane's body yelled in agony. Every centimeter of movement shocked her bones and muscles.

Angela noticed the pain in her daughter's movement.

"No ma. I know what you're thinking. I need to get to Maura now."

She nodded and went to the wheelchair.

"No ma. I'm not riding that thing. Come on. Let's go."

The second her feet touched the cold ground, the shockwaves surged through her only causing more pain. Jane refused the help from anyone who offered. She walked slowly and close to the walls as she made her way to the hallway. Angela brought the wheelchair along, just in case anything happened.

"Janie, slow down!" Frankie said. He walked behind Jane, arms out, ready to catch her.

"No, I gotta get to Maura!" she replied.

The wait in the elevator remained silent. It took at least ten minutes for Jane to reach the elevator, causing her to feel fatigued. When the doors opened, another task was laid upon her. She walked past the nurses despite hearing Korsak's questioning. In the corner of her eye, Jane sensed her honey blonde in the corner of the room.

Jane walked slowly and in pain to another dimly lit room. She heard a quiet commotion outside the room, noting that it was her family telling the nurses who she was. The first thing Jane noticed, as she walked past the door, was a woman who was badly bruised and almost completely covered in bandages. She looked at the woman's hand and noticed the ring. _It's Maura, _Jane thought, _that's the ring I gave to her on our wedding day. _Within seconds, guilt engulfed Jane. Tears began rolling down her cheeks. Jane walked towards the bed, first noticing as empty incubator and a child resting on the other crib. Jane gasped at the sight of the baby boy. She shook nervously as she smiled at him. Jane's entire body ached, but despite that, she picked up the small boy. She read the tag where the first name remained blank and where the last name read "Rizzoli-Isles". She too had to admit that this was a Rizzoli baby.

While cradling her son, she said, "Why do you have a crib and an incubator?" She continued to gently cradle him, kissing his forehead, and stare at his sleep face. Angela was the first to peek her head into the room. Slowly, the rest of the family including Frost and Korsak began piling in the room. They watched from a distance, admiring Jane's love for her son. Suddenly, Jane heard a groan from behind. She kissed her son's forehead again and walked towards her wife.

Maura slowly moved her arms. Her forehead was completely bandaged while her right leg hung from a cast.

"Maur?" Jane said quietly. She grabbed her wife's hand, suddenly not soft, but instead, scarred and dry.

"_Jaaaaane_." Maura said. She slowly opened her eyes, slowly reveling ruptured veins near her pupils. Jane tried to look into her wife's eyes but couldn't help but to gaze at her injuries.

"What have I done to you…" Jane asked. More tears streamed down her face. Jane lightly hovered her hand over Maura's face. She moved her thumb over her blue and bloodied lips. She found stitches at the middle of her chin running all the way to her ear.

"Not your fault…" Maura murmured. She tightened her grip on Jane's hand. "Water please."

Jane nodded, turned to her mom, and said, "Can we get some water?"

"How's baby?" She asked.

"Beautiful Maur" She walked over to the baby, picked him up, and walked back. "He's definitely a Rizzoli."

Maura smiled as best as she could. She turned her head towards the crib and incubator. As if she knew something was missing, she asked, "Where's the oth-."

"Janie," Angela said. "Here's your water. Maura, I hope you're doing better."

"Thanks ma. Hey fella, meet your grandma." Jane smiled.

"Oh no no. Maura should be the one to hold him first." Angela insisted.

Jane turned to Maura. "Can you hold him?"

Maura nodded and held her son for the first time. Jane leaned against her mom for support and smiled as her wife and son.

"Janie," Angela whispered. "We'll be back tomorrow. You two are in no condition for us."

"Really, ma" Did you just say that?" Jane smiled. Angela kissed Jane, Maura, and grandson. She shooed everyone out of the room.

"Knock, knock." Dr. Fray said. "I see we've got the family here. Good to see you Jane. Maura, I'll be here with Dr. Anton on some days. He's the general doctor here. How are you feeling?"

"Aching everywhere." Maura said.

"That's totally understandable. Jane, I'm sure you won't want to be separated from your wife. I'll have the nurses transport a bed here." He moved next to Maura. "You too have suffered a concussion. I need you to be awake every two hours. Before I do my examination, we need to name this baby!"

"Johnny." Maura said quickly. She looked towards Jane who smiled grandly. "Johnny Michael Rizzoli-Isles."

"Okay…and for the oth -."

Maura interrupted. "Jane? Water please?"

Jane walked over with the cup, bent the straw and held it for Maura. In exchange, she took Johnny into her arms and watched Dr. Fray begin his examination.

ˣˣ

"Ma. I can't believe you shooed us out like that. Usually, you'd be begging to stay." Tommy said.

"It's been a long night for all of us. Even I know my limits. It's best if they rest first especially after the accident. This time it's not just Jane who's hurt." Angela said. "But on the bright side, I'm finally a grandma!"

"I think he looks like me." Frankie said proudly.

"He looks like me!" Tommy yelled.

"No he looks -."

"You two stop it! We haven't even made it to the elevator and you're already yapping! There are people resting here!"

Frost and Korsak laughed.

"Well, he looks like me." Frankie said again.

They entered the elevator where Tommy said, "He's handsome, therefore he looks like me!"

ˣˣ

Forty five minutes later, Jane rocked her son around while watching Maura gaze back to sleep. Jane hummed to Johnny. His eyebrows curled with emotions. While Jane started into her son's sleeping face, she thought about all the events that led her here, especially her fears, dreams, and the Hoyt encounter.

Looking at her son, Jane wondered how she saw her life with her family. She could see the first steps, first word, first birthday, first everything! She couldn't wait to take Johnny out to baseball games, practices, trips to the park, and most importantly, raising a child with Maura. But she completely saw the opposite moments later. What if Johnny doesn't see Jane as a good, strong, and heroic person? What if Jane put her job first in every situation possible? What if she began neglecting her family to the point where Jane and Maura aren't essentially together for the sake of being in love? What would happen if Jane loved her job way more than her family? What would happen if the terrors of her past and her job followed her to their household? _Johnny doesn't deserve any of this_, Jane though, _Johnny deserves a strong and loving household._

Tears began to slither down Jane's cheeks. She kissed her son's forehead and began to speak.

"We've waited a real long time for you, you know. But I'm so sorry you had to enter the world this way. Uh, I'm your mommy and that's your other mommy. She's the most amazing person I've met. We found each other when we were broken. She's the only person I've ever let in and she loves me for me. I'm a detective. I chase bad guys and put them behind bars. I live to protect. But that's a funny thing. I can protect the citizens of Boston perfectly fine, but I can't see to prevent a car crash from happening to my family. I think I've faced the worst of the worst. My job is too dangerous. I'll admit that to you, little man. My job follows me home. I don't want you to experience any of that." Jane took a deep breath in. "I want to be there for all of your firsts. I want to take you home, wake up in the middle of the night to change your diaper. I want to take you swimming, teach you how to bike. I want to show you the world. I want to show you the good and bad, teach you right from wrong, see things from different perspectives. I want you to understand. But I can't. I can't do that as long as you know me. Death and danger follows me everywhere, which is why I can't stay. I won't let you live through my horrors." She hugged her son. "I won't let you live through my memories of Hoyt. I won't let you wonder if I'm ever coming home for dinner. I won't let you know how weak and cowardly I am. I'm sorry that I'm doing this, but I cannot watch you live in fear."

Jane hugged and kissed her son for the last time, set him on his crib, gave a final look at Maura, and left to never return again.


	7. Different Lives

Seven

Four years later

"Jane, I've said this in our last hundred sessions, but if you don't tell me what's really causing this, then I can't help you to my full ability."

Jane fiddled with her fingers, ripping skin off the sides of her thumbs. She let the air condition cool off the simmering Florida heat as she felt sweat crawling down her chest. Her tank top would soon be drenched in two days of sweat, blood, and dirt. Scarlet red lines bore lightning bolts around her pupils; an obvious sign of sleepless nights and a dozen pack of beer mixed with vodka and scotch.

"When was the last time you ate, showered, or slept?"

"What are you, my mom?" Jane snapped back.

"Well Detect -."

"Don't call me that." Jane lowered her voice. "Nothing to be proud of."

"Okay _Jane_, answer the question."

"I don't know." Jane slapped her knees. "Last time I was on duty?"

"Do you remember when that was?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Three or four days? Why does it matter anyways?"

"Because this is the twelfth time you've returned to our sessions either drunk, recovering from a hangover, or looking thinner than the last time I saw you."

"Dr. Greene, like you said. We all have our ways to deal with things. I even -."

"Your way is an unhealthy way, Jane." Dr. Greene stated. Jane's phone rang.

"Clearly we're not going to achieve much here. I have a case to solve."

"And you're going in that condition?"

"Dr. Greene, you're the only one who knows about my little _ordeal with drinking._ Besides, the guys at work think I'm a workaholic." She got up and answered her phone, "Rizzoli."

ˣˣ

Boston

Angela watched from the kitchen. She watched her family grow to a much larger one. Out on the backyard, she saw the adult sitting under the tree while her grandkids ran around, catching the latest butterfly or spotting an insect hiding between blades of grass.

Tommy and his wife, Heather, leaned against each other. In the last four years, she had witnessed Tommy truly love and care for another person. He fixed himself, got a fairly decent job, and three beautiful kids to go along with the package. Dylan, aged three, mirrored his dad. An absolute carbon copy, many say. Daniel and Dakota, aged two, barely able to run, climbed onto the slide, almost toppling each other. Both seemed to have split the Rizzoli-Ono genes perfectly. Despite that, Angela remained happy to see he son make such drastic improvements.

She looked over towards Frankie who held the hands of his fiancé, Sydney Paul. Angela remembered the day when Frankie made a surprise visit to her home. He quietly hushed Angela, trying to not give any alarming details. A breath later, he brought out a box containing a ring, and declared that he would be getting married, that is once Sydney accepted. How ecstatic was she when she first heard it! Everyone else in the house came rushing in with pots and pans, ready to strike. She knew fair details of his soon to be bride. Sydney Paul, a journalist who interviewed Frankie when he got promoted to Detective. As Frankie said, _we really clicked…now we're inseparable._

Angela switched her focus on Maura. Only from a distance can Angela observe her daughter in law…could she even say in law…? Nonetheless, she could only notice from a distance the hurt and sadness that molded onto her face. The honey blonde's hair turned a bit pale. Her smile lost its magic. Her eyebrows no longer arched as beautiful as it used to. She watched the only person who got inside of Jane's skin and not be pushed out to falling in love and ultimately ending up like herself. Alone, but with a family all around her, but still, alone. In the first few months of the _incident, _so they call it, Angela and Maura rustled around their feelings, wanting to talk about it and wanting to avoid it at all costs. To this day, neither one could bring up that day. It bore too much happiness which eventually engulfed into fires of pain. Angela looked at Maura once again. She'd seen a strong woman, always fighting back her pain and putting up a smile for her kids. But how long can she do that? Then she remembered Tanner Ryans, a long time "friend" of Maura, or at least that's what she told the Rizzoli family. The image of Tanner and Maua looked beautiful but at the same time seemed so wrong. It was supposed to be Jane and Maura.

Jane.

Angela got p to wash the dishes, the only reason to think and get things done. She missed her daughter terribly, but knew at the same time that without a thought, she would slap the daylights out of her. Eventually, she accepted that her only daughter would not be returning. _Like father like daughter_, she mumbled to herself. She remembered the day perfectly. Running to the hospital, heading to Jane's room and finally to Maura's. She held onto the last memory of Jane in the hospital with her wife and newborn.

Newborn.

It hurt them for a long time. Eventually the pain and anger numbed itself out and only appeared with highs and lows on certain days. Angela looked at her granddaughter, Arissa. An instant lightning bolt pierced her heart. She recalled the night at Maura's room. There was an incubator, a crib, but only one child. After many nights of lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, Angela concluded that Jane must have thought that Johnny required an incubator and was eventually moved to the crib, completely overlooking the possibility of another child, which was understandable. Jane only met her son. She'd hugged him, gave him affection, and left without knowing the existence of her daughter.

"Nonna?" a voice said, startling the older woman. Angela quickly wiped her tears with her arm. "Why are you crying?"

"I…I wasn't crying sweetheart." She said quickly. "What do you need? Are you hungry?"

"No nonna. I got a boo boo." The little pointed to her knee.

"Oh no! Come on." Angela carried her onto the counter. "Let's put a band aid on it!" She went to the cupboards. "Do you want a pony or a giraffe band aid?"

"Mommy says we have one with big words. Can I have that?"

Angela laughed at the little Maura. "Of course, sweetheart. Let me get it."

"Nonna?" she said.

"Yes, dear?" Angela replied.

"I love you bigger than the whole world!" she threw her arms out.

Angela applied crème and attached the band aid. "I love you too." She pulled her into a hug. "So much."

"Arissa! There you are!" Maura said. "I was looking for you. What happened?"

"Just a boo boo, mommy. Nonna made it better."

"She's just like Ja -." Angela stopped herself. She looked at Maura who winced at the sound of Jane's name. "I'm sorry."

"No no. It's fine. Come on, the foods ready. Frankie just put the con on the table."

Angela silently cursed at herself. How could she slip like that? She took the lemonade from the fridge and returned to her family.

ˣˣ

"God, Rizzoli!" Detective Gordon said, pinching his nose. "Did you go to the gym for the past two days and forget to shower?"

"Shut it, Gordon. I'm going to shower for a while. Get the files ready in ten." Jane demanded.

Detective Gordon looked towards Captain Brown.

"You wanted to be partners with the best." He said.

"Isn't there some sort of code of hygiene?" Gordon said.

"Look, Rizzoli is one of the best, whether she be in Boston or Florida. She will always be regarded as one of the best. You wanted to be with the best, so I gave you the best." Brown replied. Gordon walked to his desk. He looked over Jane's desk. No pictures. No "little things from home." Nothing to describe his mysterious partner, except that she was hailed as Boston's finest. Other than that, nothing. No family to contact, no common interests set. Gordon sighed as he picked up the folders. He'd been a part of Florida State Police longer than his partner, yet when he made it to detective, he was forced to work under Detective Jane Rizzoli. He shared as much as possible to Jane, hoping to build some sort of trust, but received nothing in return. Eventually, he realized her only had a reputation to trust.

The first time Jane walked into F.S.P.D, chaos was everywhere. She was greeted with pats on the back and an endless scorge of questions to answer. After all that, she quietly applied for a job, not giving a reason why she moved, and began working the next day. Four years later, the same hellos applied. Nothing changed. Jane and Gordon's relationship strictly remained business. Gordon learned it the hard way and though it bothered him, he had no choice. Of course there would be the very rare beer run. The two would "air out" their stress. On those rare times, it always ended up with Gordon driving his drunken partner to her house. It was never the other way around. Jane never mentioned family in Florida. She remained silent about her private life.

Despite the secrecy, Gordon had to admit how great it is to have Detective Jane Rizzoli as a partner. In the last four years, she'd close all her cases. She's done much better than senior detectives that have worked here much longer than she has.

_Don't let your personal neglect get in the way of what you want,_ Gordon said to himself.

"Gordon!" Jane said. "Let's go!"

"Has it been ten minutes?" he asked. He got up, reached for the folders, and walked towards the elevator.

"What have we got?"

"Most likely another gang shooting. CSU sent a picture." He took out his phone. "It' next to the body."

"Huh…definitely some sort of group. Is that a new gang?" Jane asked. She looked at the symbol again. "I'm not sure if it's a letter A or if it's supposed to be the letter A inside a circle."

"It could be something else too." He said. "We'll send it to the lab to cross reference it with other symbols. Wanna drive?"

"Haven't had my coffee yet." Jane gave a small smile. She threw the keys back at him.

"Fine Rizzoli."

ˣˣ

"Will Tanner be coming soon?" Angela asked.

Maura hesitated. "I'm not quite sure. His schedule tends to be busy around this time of year. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. It's like I know so much yet so little about him."

"I can assure you when his schedule opens up, he'll be with us."

"That's good. I'd really hate to not know the man who will be around my grandchildren…" Angela gave a nervous laugh.


	8. Denying the Truth, Telling a Lie

Eight

"Hey Gordon. I'm going to check up on a possible lead." Jane said. She retrieved her keys and coffee.

"Need any help?" He asked.

"Nah. I've got this. Call me if anything comes up."

"Will do."

Jane walked to her car, relieved that six times this month, Gordon bought the lie. At first, it was difficult to pretend to work on the case and return empty handed. People expected more from the great Jane Rizzoli. She convinced herself that it was okay to come back empty handed, because after all, it was a possible lead. You may never get what you want in a case, but that was completely understandable. But how long can Jane lie? After all, the second she left headquarters meant she halted her work to do her private investigation.

She pulled her car in the corner of her intended target. She took out her binoculars and began to search the area. The house, which was discovered accidentally after arresting a suspect, remained to look like any Florida home. It had a marsh like feeling yet at the same time, a Beverly Hills attitude. This specific house had perfectly trimmed grass. The trees seemed to even take a majestic look. The flowers were bright and often sent an aroma to the other side of the street. From where Jane sat, she saw a small playground set, similar to the one that she and her own brothers once owned. One instance came about when a family picnic took place. You would have never guessed that the perfectly trimmed garden, playground set, and flowers belonged to a man by the name of Frank Rizzoli. During that picnic, she recalled his arms wrapped around a petite blonde and a small child hanging onto his leg. Oh how the Florida heat turned into a volcanic eruption.

But today would be different. There would be no "family" picnic. It would be Frank, alone in a big house. He wouldn't have his arms wrapped around some blonde whore, nor would a child cling onto his leg. It took only a few minutes for Frank to do his daily chores. Jane watched her father start from one end of his yard to the other end, not missing a blade of grass. An hour later, something different had occurred. Instead of Frank finishing his chores, he waited till sunset to wait for another young blonde. Jane squeezed hard on her binoculars.

She watched the blonde exit her car. _Unbelievable _Jane thought. Next, she saw Frank drop his garden tools and walk to the woman. Jane turned her head away just in time. She didn't want to see her one and only dad be affectionate with another woman. With that, Jane turned her key and zoomed away.

Two blocks later, her phone rang. She answered. "Rizzoli."

"Hey, CSU got a match with the symbol." Gordon said.

"What is it?" Jane asked, almost eager to keep her mind occupied.

"It's a symbol for a group called Anarchists."

"Anarchists? Isn't that some sort of anti-government group?"

"Sort of. It has an emphasis on individual freedom and equality. Anarchists also believe in the nonexistence of a government."

"And how does our John Doe fit into this?"

"Actually, John Doe has a name. CSU got a hold of his dental records."

"Name?"

"Tyler Booth. Get this. He's got a _pretty _interesting family history."

"How so?"

"He's a great, great, great, great grandnephew of John Wilkes Booth."

"The dude who shot Lincoln?"

"That's him."

"Wow, shit. You don't hear that every day." Jane said.

"Yep. Are you done with your leads?"

"Uh…" Jane hesitated, almost forgetting what he was asking. "No good. Just another dead end."

"See you in a few?"

"Yeah, see you."

ˣˣ

"I should get going now." Maura said quietly.

"Nonsense! Wait till Johnny and Arissa are completely asleep. Or maybe you'd like to have them spend the night?" Angela suggested. She watched Maura make up her mind, breathing in and out the options that were given to her. Instead, she sat down next to Angela. The silence in the air escaped to their emotions, as if they were meeting for the first time.

"It was a good day, huh?" Angela began. Maura nodded her head in return.

"Yes, absolutely appropriate for a day at the park. They used up all their energy!" Maura said. Another silence filled the air. Angela anticipated this. She anticipated the day when silence would occur more than conversations.

"Maura?" Angela said quietly. Her voice shook. She dared not to look into her eyes.

"Yes?" she replied.

"How are you…?" The words came out slowly.

"Good?" Maura replied. "We spent the whole day together."

"I know. But _how are you, really?_"

Maura's facial muscles tightened as she realized the true nature of the question. Her throat felt of a hundred golf balls almost preventing her from breathing. This was the first time anyone ever brought up the incident.

"Although impossible to live with, like a thousand spears in my heart."

Angela was stunned at the direct answer. She nodded and let the answer soak in. "Did you ever -."

"Angela, do we have to speak of this now?" Maura asked. Angela thought about it. She let the subject pass by like nothing happened. Though it wasn't entirely her fault, she felt a tinge of guilt creep into her skin. She allowed four years of unspoken emotions to be bottled up.

"It's been four years. We can't deny that it never happened."

Maura looked perplexed. "What do you want me to say?"

"I just want to know…"

"Angela, it isn't the time to talk about this." Maura walked over to her kids, picked them up, and said, "I'm just not ready to talk about it."

ˣˣ

"And what did you do after you left?" Dr. Greene asked.

"Detective Gordon called me. He told me stuff about or case. Then we got called for another body with the same symbols." Jane looked at her watch. "That was about 45 minutes ago."

"I must say, you clean up fairly well."

"Yeah, well, work happened." Jane said. "Gotta clean up for work or else I have no means of paying the bills."

Dr. Greene nodded. "Why is it you're here then? You don't usually come unless it's our scheduled appointment."

"I lied to my partner about work saying I had a lead to check on."

"And did you?"

"No. I went to my dad's."

"Oh? You mean inside? Didn't you say you were -."

"No…the 'following the perp' style."

"Ah, and what did you see?" Dr. Greene asked.

Jane didn't reply.

"I take it that it wasn't a pleasant sight." Dr. Greene said.

"Not even a single bit."

"So why do you 'follow the perp?'"

"Because I…" Jane began.

"Let me ask this. Why did you move to Florida? Out of all the states or places in the world, you chose Florida. You've told me you have relatives all over the country, but why Florida?"

"I…" Jane stopped, unable to answer the question.

"Has it occurred to you that despite what your father has done and all the feelings you have towards him, goes away because after all, you are his daughter. And because you are his only daughter, you will always have a soft spot for him, no matter what he's done?" Dr. Greene said flatly.

"I don't…" Jane answered.

"You're in Florida because the only person in your family who isn't hurt by the things you've done is your dad. And you know it. You need someone or something to fill that missing piece in your heart. So you look towards your dad, who did the same exact thing you did. You look at him and you see failure to fulfill his duties as a dad, completely overshadowing what you've done to your own family. You do your perp trips to his house because he can look at you and feel absolutely terrible for what he's done. He won't judge you because he doesn't know what _you've _done. You just want someone you know to hold you, even if it's for a little while. You're in Florida because this place somehow fills up that spot in your heart. It's not what you truly want, but it's better than nothing, even the alcohol."

Dr. Greene observed Jane's emotions. She was able to peel off the stubborn layer off of her. _Progress, _she thought.

"What are you going to do now, Jane?"

Jane made eye contact. "I…I think I'm going to talk to him."

"And how are you going to do that?"

"Arrest him." Jane said. Dr. Greene raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to walk up to his front door or when he fixes his garden and we'll see what goes from there."

"Good Jane. Don't do anything crazy, okay?"

"Can't promise anything, doc."


	9. Drunk meets Destiny

Nine

"Damn Rizzoli! Happy hour hasn't even started and you've drank up the entire place!" Gordon watched his partner devour her twelfth shot of tequila. She moved from beer, wine, and eventually to the Mexican beverage. The two sat in the same table, suggested, no, demanded by Jane. He would have the view of the door while Jane enjoyed the company of dark brown walls in the back. The last time they were here, Gordon was forced to lug Jane for piggy back ride consequently after Jane drowned herself with alcohol. Perhaps, the reason for the drunken nights was because of his persistence for answers.

_"Don't you have family?" Gordon asked. He eyed his intoxicated partner._

_ "Sure, I do." Jane slurred her words._

_ "Brothers? Sisters? Lover?" Gordon grew impatient. At the sound of lover, Jane slammed her bottle onto the table, causing several glances to move towards her._

_ "Never ever," Jane pointed unsteadily towards Gordon, "talk to me about that. No one could ever love me."_

Gordon never pushed the subject again. After all, both were pulling a 72 hour shift. Of course they would be tired, impatient, and at most, angry at every small thing. But tonight, he would try again. He would try and crack Jane Rizzoli.

"You offered to take me, so I accepted!" Jane said. Gordon knew what he was about to do, meant disrespecting on a whole new level. He would be taking advantage of his partner to gain personal information. But sometimes, you have to do what you have to do.

"True…take it easy though." He said, playing along. He took a sup of his beer, indulging on the bittersweet taste. He began to formulate jokes, phrases, and facts in his head, hoping to confuse the almost delirious Jane. Almost regretting it, he ordered two more rounds of beer saying, "All yours."

Jane's bloodshot eyes opened wide. "Reaaaaalllyy mann? Sssthannkss."

Gordo quickly finished his one and only bottle for the evening, quickly moving onto his ice cold water. "The case buggin' you yet?"

Jane hovered over her drinks. "Not yeeet. Whhy?"

"You usually like to get rough within hours of getting a case. Besides, it's day three. I'm surprised you haven't flipped a bitch."

"Yeeeeah well," she took a large gulp from her margarita, "sometimes you just gotta…" Jane fell on her arm.

"Jane?" Gordon said. He shook his partner's arm.

"Huh, what happened?" Her head snapped up. "Tellll me a stoooryy man."

"What kind?"

"Tell me how you meet yerr wifeee." Jane said. She leaned against the window, eyes closed.

"Uh, okay." Gordon cleared his throat. "I met Leyla at a coffee shop. I know. Landon Pigg's song just rings into people's heads." He said slowly, noticing how Jane seemed to doze at the details. "Anyways, she was the barista and I was that hipster kid fresh outta high school, making coffee rounds for the guys. They named me the hipster cop before Rick Lee got that name." Jane began slurring into sleep mode.

"Rizzoli!" Gordon yelled.

"Mmmm, I'm upp. I'm just…resting…my…" she replied.

"Yeah, sure."

"Yeah…realllly…go on hipster cop." Jane mumbled.

Gordon smiled, unsure if the reason was Jane's ability to hear or that she managed to not fall asleep. She took another gulp of margarita.

"I was on another coffee run. I think Leyla knew what I was getting. She had my coffee ready when I walked in. All I had to do was pay. That went on for a couple of weeks until she added her number with the order. I couldn't her mine because I was on duty. You know how it goes."

"What happppenned afffter that?" Jane asked.

"Then I got called up. Leyla wasn't at work that day. She usually was! Turns out, she witnessed a murder on the way to work and because of that, she got wacked pretty hard by the perpetrator. I got called onto the scene and when I got there, they told me to bring Leyla to the hospital. She absolutely broke down after the nurses checked her."

"Yeaahhh?" Jane said.

"Yeah. She huddled her head into my chest. I remember how broken she was, but she was so beautiful…so …true. I remember how she smelled, the way her honey blonde hair curled into the wrinkles of my uniform."

Jane dozed off to dreamland, half awake and half asleep. In the blackness of her mind, she heard her partner murmur words, but couldn't put his words into full sentences. Suddenly, memories, very blurry ones, came to her. She could feel the hot sun radiating onto her. It wasn't the Florida sun either, but Jane couldn't pinpoint the place. Then she was in a stadium; a packed one. People were screaming, jumping for joy, and giving high fives. She heard the sound of wood colliding with a ball. Again, the cheery silence escalated to fireworks. Jane managed to find her glass and drank from it. Next, she found herself in bed, in a somewhat familiar environment. She couldn't put a name on the location either. Jane's life flashed before her eyes once more. Finally, she found herself on a balcony. She saw a woman's figure leaning on the rail. She noticed the curves and how the woman's clothes fitted perfectly. She moved the curtains furthermore, to reveal a _honey blonde. _But she couldn't put a name on the woman. The ideas weren't even at the edge of her tongue. For whatever reason, Jane drank the last of her drinks, trying to push the memory away as if they hurt. The last thing that happened was her head slamming face down on the table.

"And then we got married!" Gordon said. "Uh...Rizzoli? Shit! Not again!" He signaled the bartender.

"How much did she have?" the bartender asked. He put the mountain of drinks aside and grabbed Jane's unconscious body across the seat.

"Too much this time." Gordon said regrettably. The routine took longer than anticipated. Usually, the two men wrestled Jane or calmed her down in some way before getting to the car. They would hear her drunken thoughts and would feel her legs wobble as they walked. This time, however, took more time because they had to somehow get an unconscious Jane to the car.

"Shoot. I'll open the back door." The bartender said. Within minutes, Jane was prompt onto the seat, head completely resting on the window. Gordon gorged his water down within seconds. He didn't get the answer he wanted. He let the drinking take over. At this failed attempt, he cursed multiple times for letting his partner drink the amount she had and for using this method to get answers.

Gordon pulled up to Jane's apartment. He fished gently for the house key. He got out of the car, opened Jane's door, put her arms around his neck, letting her vomit the contents of her stomach, and opened the door. Once inside, he guided his partner slowly to her bed. He took off her blazer and shoes and placed it on the chair. Next he positioned Jane to a more relaxing way.

While Gordon moved the blankets, Jane mumbled, "Honey blonde." Gordon continued moving the pillows and blankets, attempting to somehow make Jane comfortable. He didn't know what to take of Jane's comment.

"Alright Jane. There's a waste bin and water if you need it." Gordon said.

"Hoooooonnnnneyyyyyyyy blonnnnnnndeeeeee." Jane said once more.

"Come on, Jane. Sleep. I'll cover for you tomorrow."

"I loooooovvvveeeeeee honeyyyy blll -." Jane mumbled.

"I love honey too."

"Noo…blonnnnndeeeeeee."

"Jane, get some sleep. I'm sorry I let this happen." Gordon said. With that, he walked out of the room quietly, locked the door, and made his way to the car.

On the way home, Gordon contemplated on deciphering Jane. He gave up halfway when he realized that trying to decode a wasted person was like using a map of England on American terrain. Completely useless. He walked up to his home and opened the door.

Quietly he said, "I like honey too."

Detective Gordon did not know what to do with that information. He took off his shoes, changed into boxers, kissed his wife, and drifted off to sleep.

ˣˣ

"Where the hell is Rizzoli?" Brown asked. He checked his water before turning to Gordon.

"She should be coming soon sir." He said.

"She should have been here three hours ago. It's almost eleven."

"Jane told me she had family business to take care of." Gordon replied, feeling almost dirty as the lie spat out.

"Family? She's got family now? Rizzoli's never mentioned family!"

"I know, sir. I'll call her now." Gordon said, pretending to get his phone out. "What's the hurry though."

"Gordon, what the hell. You've been here since seven and you didn't even think to check up on your case?"

"I…" Gordon began.

"You tell Rizzoli to get her ass here as soon as possible. Got it?"

"Yes sir." He watched the lieutenant walk out, angry and impatient. This time, he took out his phone.

"Rizzoli," Jane said groggily on the other line.

"Hey, Brown needs you here ASAP."

"What?" Jane's voice cracked. "Why?"

"It's about the case."

Jane groaned. "I have a huge ass headache."

"Go shower and be here in ten. I'll get coffee for you." Gordon said. He wondered if Jane remembered anything at all from almost 12 hours ago. He exited headquarters, went to the nearest coffee shop, and bought two cups of the usual Rizzoli coffee.

Minutes later, he walked as quickly as possible to headquarters, dodging runners and pedestrians. Walking through the front lawn, he spotted Jane.

"Hey Rizzoli!" he yelled.

Jane shielded the sun with her eyes, even though her aviators should have done the job. "Why are you yelling?"

"I'm not." He replied, reaching for the coffee. "Here, drink up."

Jane took the cup and removed her sunglasses. "Thanks man.

"SHIT, Rizzoli!"

"What?"

"Your eyes!" Gordon said. Jane's eyes were unbelievably red.

"What about them?" she asked.

"They're fucking red!" Gordon said quietly.

"Yeah…I woke up and BAM! Red eyes. I don't remember…" Jane drank her coffee. "Do you know what happened?"

"It's my fault." Gordon spat out. "I let you drink more than I should have." _Way more_, he thought.

"What does Brown keep bitching about?" Jane asked.

"Not sure exactly." He opened the door. "But it was definitely urgent."

The second they stepped foot inside headquarters, Brown came wolfing down like a hungry prey.

"Rizzoli! Gordon! Get in here, now!" Brown demanded.

"Damn, he's usually not this snappy." Jane said. "Let's go. She drank the last of her coffee before taking the second cup.

"Take a seat." Brown said.

"Sir, what's the problem?" Gordon asked.

"Problem? First of all, have you forgotten your jobs? Did you forget you're a homicide detective? You had lab results waiting for you. And what do you do? Absolutely nothing! You wasted three hours when you could have done your job."

Gordon looked down at the case folders ahead of him. Jane looked at both men confused with the situation.

"Sir, it was my fault." Jane said. She felt Gordon look at her. "I told him to not do anything till I came to work."

"Oh yeah, right…_family _business."

"Yeah…that." Jane said flatly. She looked at Gordo who gave a relieved look. With his eyes, he motioned a thank you. Jane simply nodded. "So, what happened? Why haul our asses here?"

"If _someone _did their job this morning, _someone _would have been able to find our killer."

Jane's bloodshot eyes lit up. "Come again?"

"Yeah. You heard me. His name is Julian de Guzman. No record but he was dumb enough to leave his damn prints."

"Where?" Gordon asked.

"Everywhere. Remember that symbol next to the bodies?" The two nodded. "De Guzman used spray pain. CSU found a can underneath the bushes with his finger prints all over it. Get this. He also leaves the weapon behind."

"It's like he wants to get caught." Jane said.

"That's what I thought. But I dug in a little further. He's been stealing government funds from California, Nevada, Texas, New York, Florida, and Massachusetts. De Guzman travels to those states in that order. This morning, the mayor alerted us about their sudden $20 million loss."

"It just vanished?" Gordon questioned.

"It just vanished. The same happened three years ago, except he stole $5 million."

"He's escalating." Jane said.

"Yep. We're sure he's heading to Boston as we speak."

"How do you know that?" Jane asked.

Brown dropped hi files and looked towards Jane. "He may be stealing from the government, but his identity is completely fraud free. He can manage to somehow transfer money without leaving a trace."

"Uh question." Gordon said. "How do you know it's _De Guzman _whose stealing it?"

"His father used to work for the government. As for now, it's the best lead we've got. Plus, we've got him pinned for murder, so no matter what, he's going down."

"How do you know he's in Boston?" Jane asked.

"Because," Brown took out several photos. "Security footages caught him through security check and boarding a plane."

"Shit." Jane said.

"So why don't we board a plane and arrest him for the triple murders? His finger prints are all over the crime scene."

"Rookie," Brown said. "It's not in our jurisdiction. It's past out state boarders."

"Shit!" Jane said again, this time pacing back and forth in the room.

"So what now?"

"We call in our friends at Boston PD." He turned to Jane. "You know what that means."

"Is someone going to tell me?" Gordon asked.

Jane knew exactly what it meant. When FSPD cases involve other states, it would mean moving with the case. Within a week, she'd be back in Boston, back to the bullpen, back to the Dirty Robber_, back to her roots_. It usually wasn't a big deal. In fact, she would usually be ready to jump into the next plane and continue working the case. But to return to Boston? How could she return to the place she ran from?

"Jane? Brown?" Gordon said. "Explain?

Jane took in a deep breath, "It means we're going to be living in Boston until we get De Guzman."

Gordon almost smiled. "That's good right?" He turned to Brown. "Right?"

"Well, depends on how you see it." Brown replied. Jane sunk back into the nearest chair. She fought the urge to run out of the room and into the nearest liquor store. Her anxiety bolted. In a few days, she'd be face to face with the people she left. Out of all of the people she'd be seeing, she dreaded one and only one; the chief medical examiner.

"You two are technically off duty until we set flights and where you're going to stay. You can leave now." Brown instructed. He watched the two detectives walk out before saying, "Oh, just one more thing! Do you want to be in the same roof or separate?"

"Separate." Jane said quickly. He nodded and allowed them to continue to make their way out.

"This is exciting." Gordon said. "Is this your first?"

"No. Seventh." Jane replied.

"Oh, nice…I'm gonna head home and tell Leyla."

"Alright."

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like honey?"

Jane squinted her eyes. "What? What the hell? What kind of question is that?"

To Gordon's expectations, Jane had no memory of her drunken night. He exited headquarters and headed home.

On the other hand, Jane returned to her desk, trying to find something to occupy her mind. Her headache returned and her eyes burned with every blink. She knew at some point, she would have to return to Boston. But she planned on doing it on her terms and not this soon and definitely not some psycho killer case. Jane counted the days. She knew this week would go by tremendously slow. As each second passed, she knew she would be returning to where her heart truly rested. She was afraid to admit it but didn't hesitate to not deny it.

"Fuck this week," Jane said. "Fuck it hard."


	10. Meeting the Undesirable

Ten

"Is it going to be just us?" Maura asked, while pounding on the dough.

"Looks like it. Tommy's got a family day with Heather's side of the fam. Frankie and Sydney are out on wedding duties." Angela said. "Getting tired of me?"

"No no! I would never! It's just odd not having such a loud and full house." Maura quickly replied. She pounded more while watching her kids. The TV illuminated the Discovery Channel. Arissa laid on her stomach, reading the latest Psychology Today magazines with several Disney books scattered around her. Johnny sat up straight, clutching onto his signed baseball glove, eyes glued on the television, watching Jamie and Adam test their latest experiment.

"I forgot to mention that Tanner is finally settling in!" Maura said, half smiling.

"What? As in moving in?" Angela asked. The thought of Tanner made Angela tinge in discomfort despite knowing him, briefly, for close to a year. He had a world renowned career, money, but a desperate personality. Something about him made Angela try extra hard just to like. She knew his professional life and very little about his personal. Hence knowing the arrival of Tanner made Angela confused. Was she happy Maura is _seeing _someone? Heck, she didn't even know if they were anything at all.

"No! It's not…not yet time." Maura said." He'll be settled in his apartment tonight. He also insisted on seeing us."

"Oh…" Angela muttered. She tried to give her Rizzoli smile, but failed half way. "Well, I look forward on seeing him!"

"Angela, is there something wrong?"

"No! I suddenly remembered-." Angela was interrupted.

"Mommy! What does this word mean? Arissa asked.

"Which word, honey?" Maura wiped her hands before crutching down.

"This one." She pointed at the bolded word. Maura squinted her eyes before realizing what her daughter's little finger pointed at.

"Where did you get this?" Maura asked, suddenly feeling light headed.

"That's what it means?" her green eyes sparkled.

Maura quickly shook her head. "No, sweetheart. That's not what it means."

"Well what does Riizzzzooolliii mean?" Arissa asked again. Angela quickly dropped what she was doing. "And what does Jaaaaaaaaaaaaannnneeee mean? And why is there a line after the R word and Isssles."

Maura laughed at her mispronunciation, but was quickly drawn back to her questions.

"Maura, what is it?" Angela asked.

"It's," she whispered, "the birth certificates. Arissa found them."

Angela's eyes grew wide. No one had seen the certificates since they were born. At a quick glance, Angela saw Jane's signature on the line and below it, read mother. She noticed the curves of each letter, suddenly missing and hating her daughter.

"Mommy!" She said. "Aren't you going to tell me?"

"I…" Maura's voice cracked. She didn't have an answer nor did she ever anticipate having this discussion.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Maura's throat refused to signal out any words. She let her eyes display her lost state.

"I'll get the door." Angela said.

Maura nodded, still unable to speak. She watched Angela exit the kitchen. "Arissa, give this to mommy."

"Will you tell me what it means though?"

"Later, okay?"

"Promise?"

Maura couldn't reply. Instead, she looked into her daughter's eyes. She grabbed the birth certificates and placed it on top of the microwave.

"Maura! Look who's here!" Angela yelled. Behind her appeared a tall, well-built man, dressed in a suit, and holding several bags.

Maura's eyes alerted up. "Tanner!" She walked to him, meeting halfway. She didn't initiate the hug, but once it was, she couldn't help but to smile, even for a little while. Kisses began to smother Maura's face as she tried to pull away.

"I miss you." Tanner said in between kisses. From Angela's view, Tanner wrapped his entire body around Maura as she attempted, but failed, to pull back. In short, it could have been his over-desire for Maura or Maura simply did not entirely love the guy. She decided to follow along with the second possibility.

"Tanner!" Maura said as she gasped in between breaths. "Tanner, stop!"

"Why?"

"We're not the only ones here." With that, Tanner stopped. Over Maura's shoulder, he eyed the two children.

"Oh…" he said. "Before I forget," he ran back to his bag and pulled out several gifts. He went over to Johnny and Arissa and said, "These are for you! I got them from Italy!"

Neither one of the children budged. Like all kids, they were taught to not accept anything at all from strangers. And although Tanner entered their lives when they turned three, Johnny and Arissa viewed Tanner as a complete stranger.

"What do you say, you two?" Maura said.

In unison, they replied. "Thank you, Tanner."

"You're welcome." He smiled forcefully; sadden by the lack of emotion and appreciativeness in their voice.

"Are they always like that when he's around?" Angela quietly asked Maura.

"I…" The two women continued to observe Tanner. He kneeled down on both knees while the two kids stood side by side, almost two arms apart from Tanner. They showed no friendly or hatred to him. From a grandmother's perspective, Tanner was over doing his actions. He simply tried too hard to get something that was never there.

To save Tanner from further rejection, Angela called for dinner. He quickly grabbed Johnny and Arissa's, pulling them to the table, despite their refusal.

"Angela?" Tanner said. With the sound of her name, Angela felt chills run down her spine. Although she didn't mind being called by her first name, for reasons yet to be admitted, Angela hated hearing it from Tanner's mouth. She felt disrespected and at most, disgusted.

Hiding her disapproval, Angela smiled and said, "Yes, dear?"

"Thank you for letting me come here at such short notice."

"Oh!" Angela pretended to be surprised. "Not a problem. You are welcome here all you like!"

"Let's eat!" Maura said. "Kids, what did I say about elbows."

"Sorry, ma…" Johnny said.

"I've got a story about my last patient back in Italy!" Tanner said.

ˣˣ

Jane tried to control her breathing. Her hands shook as she looked through her binoculars. Twenty minutes ago, a young blonde walked into the house. Since then, nothing came about.

Jane thought about her talk with Dr. Greene ad how she would talk to Frank. She thought about faking an arrest. But if that spread to headquarters, she'd be out of a job.

"Suck it up, Rizzoli." Jane said. She took a deep breath, slipped on her aviators, and exited her car. She walked onto the pathway, remembering Frank's positions on the grass. She could see large imprints still fresh on it. Jane gulped for air as she made her way up the porch. She faced the door, realizing in the next few minutes, someone was either going to get hurt, arrested, or everything would be calm.

Jane knocked on the door.

With every passing second, Jane felt her lungs tighten and contract. Her posture suddenly shot up. The rest of her body remained unmoved. Then she heard footsteps.

The young blonde opened the door. She tied her bathrobe together and from the look of her face, Jane must have interrupted a round of sex. The blonde's expression read aroused, still recovering from her climax. Jane did her best to show little emotion as she held up her badge.

"I'm with Florida State Police. I need to speak with Frank Rizzoli." Jane said clearly. The blonde continued to smile.

"What's this about?" she asked.

Before Jane replied, Frank walked behind the blonde, wrapping his arms and kissing her neck. He too looked like he came out from his own climax. Suddenly, the sound of Jane's voice registered in Frank's mind. He quickly stopped and stiffened his posture.

Frank squinted his eyes. "Jane? Is that you?"

Jane removed her sunglasses. Her eyes were fierce with anger, disgust, and betrayal. She purposely did not reply, intending that her appearance would do the talking.

"Sweetheart," Frank said to the blonde. "Go upstairs. I'll be up soon."

"Okaaaaaay. Not too long." She replied seductively. "Promise?"

"Promise." Frank smiled. He watched the blonde retreat upstairs. Turning back to Jane, his smile faded and terror grew in his eyes.

"Shouldn't you change too?" Jane asked. "You're practically calling out to the neighborhood 'Ladies, I'm free and my dick is waiting for you!'"

"When did your tongue get so disrespectful?" he asked.

"When did you start to put your dick up young bimbo's asses?" Jane shot back. She slammed her fists against the wooden pillars, hearing a small crack. "And _I'll _be the one asking questions."

Frank's brown eyes stared back.

"I need…I need to know why you left."

Silence.

"I need to know when you wanted to leave." Jane's eyes turned into a deadly shade of gray. "I need to know what changed."

"Janie-."

"Don't Janie me."

"Its been seven years." He said.

"Eight."

"Fine eight. Shouldn't you have forgotten me?"

"Damn it, what part of 'I'll be the one asking questions' do you not understand? And to remind you, you left when we were adults. ADULTS. Capable of remembering. Are you going to answer?"

Frank looked with no emotion. He studied every popping vein of his daughter's face. He shook his head, afraid to speak the words he would most likely regret.

"Okay." Jane put her aviators on. "Just know I'll be back. You better have answers when I return."

Jane stomped out of the porch, feeling her hair bounce with authority. She entered her car and drove away without glancing back at the house.

ˣˣ

"Jane, try not to break the knob, will you?" Dr. Greene said. She watched Jane walk into the room.

"Sorry." She replied.

Dr. Greene set aside her files. "How did it go?"

"He didn't say shit."

"What did you ask him?"

"Why he left, when in the relationship he wanted to leave, and what changed."

"What was his response?"

"He bullshitted his way out of it." Jane said. "I told him I'd be back tomorrow."

"And how did he take that?"

"I drove off before I looked at his face. Would you believe _his girlfriend_ answered the door?"

"How do you know she's a girlfriend?"

"Both of them had the 'I had sex' written all over their faces." Jane buried her head in her hands. "God, she was such a skank! I can't believe she had the guts to do that!"

"No one knew you were going there."

"But still! Do they answer the door every time after having sex?"

"Jane, I think you need to -."

"SLUT. SLUT. SLUT. And my dad; A DOUCHE!" Jane yelled.

"Jane -."

"He had his _damn_ arms around her and kissed _her fucking_ neck. IN FRONT OF ME, god damn it!"

Dr. Greene dared to not interrupt. Knowing Jane, nothing would stop her from venting.

"And he had the balls to try and father me up again." Jane closed her eyes, exhausted by the reoccurring images.

"May I…say something…?" Dr. Greene asked.

"Yeah, sorry…it's so…"

"I understand. I really do." She replied. "Now, taken that your visit produced very little _desirable_ results, what is it that you really wanted to get to?"

"I thought…I just said them." Jane said. "Unless, you're asking about something else."

Dr. Greene stared at Jane. "Do you remember what today is?"

"Thursday…"

"Yes…that. I meant the significance of the date."

Jane thought about it. Did she forget something? "What is it, doc?"

"Four years ago, you came bursting through those doors just like you did today. In fact, if I remember correctly, you broke it. Do you remember what you said?"

"I was drunk. I was crying. I was…lost."

"Mmmhmm." Dr. Greene said.

Jane voice heighted with fear. "Do we…do I have to-?"

"I need you to tell me what you remember."

"I remember saying 'I hate myself…how could I do that? I'm a terrible person.'"

"Good. Now Jane, you know my policy and how I don't do background checks and so on, right? I only work with what you tell me."

Jane nodded.

"We've spent four years trying to work out what you have yet to admit to."

"What's your point?" Jane asked.

"Exactly what I just said. Now, I respect your decision to not tell me certain things in your life. I work according to my patients time. But its been four years and I -."

"Could you stop saying that?"

"What?"

"Just stop… I hate that num-."

"Four? That number agitates you right?"

"Stop…"

"I stand by my policy with patient confidentiality. However, I decided to _read_ some old newspapers."

"You did not." Jane gasped.

"I did, Jane. I had to get the ball rolling and under your circumstances, it had to be done."

"How much did you read?"

"First date to your disappearance. Did you know they stopped writing about you after three months of your sudden disappearance?" Dr. Greene allowed the statement to settle. "Is that why you're here in Florida?"

"I don't need this shit." Jane threw the pillow aside and headed for the door. She felt hurt and betrayed, even though she knew she shouldn't. Her life in Boston suddenly became exposed within seconds. How could she let this happen? As she reached for the doorknob, she heard Dr. Greene say:

"Don't let your dad's past actions cover for yours. You're going to resent me for saying this, but your actions from four years ago, mirrors what your dad did to you and your family. When you go back tomorrow, I suggest you put your anger aside because once he finds out what _you've_ done to your own family -."

"Dr. Greene," Jane started with her back still against her. "Just…stop. I can't…believe… just… I'm leaving."

Dr. Greene watched Jane slam the door behind her, knowing what she said and read finally cut open the broken fragments of Jane Rizzoli. And finally after four years, the two could start working on putting the pieces back together.


	11. Frank's life, Jane's Tragedy

Eleven

She hated that Dr. Greene was right. She hated that Dr. Greene went on and did her snooping. He hated that Dr. Greene knew about her life back in Boston. Jane _knew _the folders and newspaper clippings Dr. Greene set aside were about her. Jane had the feeling, that the next time she would see her; they would have the dreaded _talk. _

But before having _the talk,_ Jane turned to her usual parking spot. She turned off the ignition and walked toward the house to find Frank already sitting on the stairs of his porch.

"Now you're waiting for me?" Jane said.

"Janie, I wasn't going to take chances with what you said yesterday."

"Good. You're learning. I was goi-."

"Are we going to do this out here? My neighbors are nosy at times." Frank said. He looked at surrounding houses.

"You seem to not care when you bring your blonde here."

"Okay, Janie, stop. Just stop. I know you're mad and you have every right to. Can we just do what you came here for?"

Jane, appalled from the gentle request, remained unemotional.

"Fine. My three questions still stand."

Frank stared out on the street. "Janie, please. Let's go inside."

Jane rolled her eyes. She got up and waited for him to open the door. Once inside, she quickly scanned the rooms. To her left, laid the living room. A pretty basic set up; several couches, coffee table, and a modern television set. The hall in front of her bore several pictures, and looking at only the frames, Jane knew it consisted of his new "family". On the right, the kitchen crawled in mounds of unwashed dishes. Although all three rooms dictated different and simple stories, they had one common theme: baby items.

"You got a new kid? Jane asked.

"We can talk about that later. Just take a seat." Frank cleared the bottles, pacifiers, and toys off the table. He rushed to the sink, then to the fridge, and finally to the pantry.

"Hey, would you sit down? How the _hell _are we going to talk if _you _keep hiding your damn face?"

"You know," Frank said from the pantry, "I'm surprised you haven't shot me or something." He returned to the table with small snacks.

"It's in the car and my thera-…someone told me to not do anything I would regret."

"Is that so? Hm, whomever that is, I should thank."

Jane glared at him. "Are we going to have tea or are you going to answer?"

"Janie -."

"Frank." She replied sternly.

"I'm your father, Jane. Don't ever call me by -."

"_Answer, _the damn questions. Do I have to say it to you again? Why'd you leave. What changed? When did you want to leave?"

"Remember when you went out for the marathon?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"That's when I couldn't take it…anymore."

"When'd you first want to leave?

"When you mother decided to sell those Polynesian drinks."

"Why?" Jane asked. "What changed?"

"I guess…I fell out of love." He said slowly.

"Was it your heart or your dick that fell out of love?"

Frank stood up. "I know you hate me for what I did but in this house, you need to speak in a respectful manner.

"What difference does it make when you're the one who brings home women and slaughter them with your dick?"

The two stared at each other. Jane was about ready to strangle the life out of Frank.

"You believe me when you want to, but I really did fall out of love with my heart. I love your mother, but not like I used to."

"So you just leave? Pack up your thing and head here?" Jane asked. "Did you two ever talk about it? Hell, I had to find out about the fucking divorce on the day I got my bravery award."

"Bravery award? What'd you do?"

"If you were there, you would have known. And _don't _fucking change the subject, Frank. Did you or did you not talk about your failing relationship with ma?"

Frank dropped his head. "No. I left the divorce papers on the table and left."

"Just like that?" Jane asked. "You grab your favorite things and leave it to ma to fix up thirty five years of your shit?" Jane reached for her temples. She walked to the living room, hoping to not physically hurt Frank on accident. She paced around, running into several toys and play sets. "Did you ever think about us? I mean, did you even have some remorse?"

"Every day, Janie. But how can you hold onto something that makes you so unhappy?"

"You know what hurts the most? You didn't even talk to your kids. Hell, you know I would have been there!"

"Guess…I didn't think about that back then."

"Looks like you didn't think about it now either." Jane walked toward the crib. "Whose are these? Your girlfriend?"

"She has a name."

"Yeah and you've got a heart."

"Janie -."

"So you admit on having one? So is this your girlfriend's or not?"

"They're mine." Frank said. He watched his daughter's emotions carefully.

"Yours? What? Are you a sitter?"

"No…" he said slowly. "I have -."

"You have kids with that blonde chick huh?" Jane felt her hands tighten to a fist. "How many?"

"Two…with another one on the way." He replied quietly.

"Oh for the love of…With that blonde chick I saw _yesterday?_" Jane asked. "You two aren't even -."

"Jane. I know what you're going to say."

"Frank! That damn chick is at least forty five years younger than you. Have you ever thought about what your…other kids…will feel when they learn their dad is old enough to be their grandpa? How long have you been with her anyways?"

"Four years." Frank said. Jane cringed at the sound of the number. "What?"

"Don't say…that number." She whispered.

"What? Why?" he asked. "Janie, what's wrong?"

"Don't…" she said.

"Janie…"

"Frank. I mean it. Damn it, don't."

"Okay…fine, Janie." He sat down. "What now? You have your answers. Anything else? Don't you have work?"

"Don't mind about my work. It's been -."

"How's your mother?" Frank asked. He fiddled with his hands.

Jane clenched her fists again then rubbed her scars. She didn't expect Frank to oblige with her. Suddenly, he took control of the questioning.

"Janie, did you hear me?" he asked. "Jane?"

"Just stop. Please…all your fucking questions! I'm the one who's -."

"Why are you here?"

"Cause I needed answers."

"I mean in Florida. Why are you…_here_?"

Jane felt flooded by the questions. Was she ready to tell the truth? Frank continued to stare at Jane, waiting for an answer.

"Work." Jane said, allowing the lie to slip out of her lips. "I'm here for work."

"Why here? What happened to Boston?"

"I just came here for work, Frank. That's all you need to know."

Realizing he wouldn't get the answer he wanted, he moved on. "How long have you been here?"

"Almost five years." Jane replied. She sat on the couch, moving several toys aside.

"Did you get fired or something?"

"No."

"Then what? I'm trying to start a conversation with my daughter, here. Why are you hiding so much?"

"Look who's talking about hiding." Jane said. She walked back to the kitchen where Frank caught a glimpse of her arm.

"What happened, Janie?"

"To what?"

"Your arm."

Jane quickly covered it with her hand. "Work related."

"What kind of work does this state make you do that causes you to get a cut from your wrist to your elbow?" he asked.

"A real tough one."

Frank nodded. "How are your brothers?"

Jane shrugged.

"How's your doctor friend? Dr. Isles right?"

She shrugged again, this time not taking her glare off of him. She was on the verge of tears. The questions pounded on her, creating a deep ditch inside, eventually building into anger and guilt. She quickly grabbed her belongings and ran to her car, feeling pounds of tears sliding down her cheek. She heard Frank's footsteps behind her. He yelled several things; things Jane managed to blur out. She entered her car, slipped on her aviators, and drove off to Dr. Greene's office.

Dr. Greene heard a knock on her office door. "Jane! Come in!"

The door opened, revealing a distraught Jane. "How'd you know it was me?" she asked, quietly closing the door behind her.

Dr. Greene put her newspapers down. "My secretary calls me when I have a patient coming in. You, however, seem to always zip right through them and either knock three times, just like you did, or you just come bursting in." There was a short pause. "I thought I'd see you again."

"Even after yesterday?" Jane asked. "And I do that to your secretary?"

"Yes and yes. Take a seat."

"I got the answers I needed."

"Oh? Hope you did it in a civil way." She winked.

Jane took off her sunglasses. Her eyes had not recovered from the tearful ride. She smiled, slowly saying, "Yeah…I left my gun in the car. He actually asked about it."

"I would too…now tell me, how'd it -."

"He has two kids." Jane began to cry. "And another one on the way."

"Oh…" Dr. Greene replied slowly. "That's rather unexpected. I…I don't quite know what to say."

"He said he fell out of love."

"Do you believe him?"

"What I believe won't change anything." Jane said. "What's done is done."

"I'm sure that's not all you spoke about." Dr. Greene smiled.

"Am I _that easy _to read?" Jane asked. "It's like you're asking me without actually asking me." Dr. Greene laughed. "He took control of the whole questioning thing!"

"What exactly did he ask?"

"Why I was here, how my mom, er, everyone was, and how long I've been here. That kind of stuff."

"And how did you respond?"

"Didn't answer him. I didn't think he deserved to know."

"You're positive that was your intention? Because he didn't deserve it?"

"Well…yeah…he really didn't."

Dr. Greene continued to nod. She rearranged the newspapers, purposely making them slightly visible to Jane. "Are you _sure_ that's the reason why you didn't tell him?

"_Yes_, I-."

"Or was it because you knew if you replied to his questions, it would eventually lead up to the conversation we're about to have?"

"Oh god, no." Jane said. "Please…no."

"It's time you stop running, Jane. It's time you admit to your actions." Dr. Greene held out a newspaper. "See this?"

"Hey oh! Don't show that to me!" Jane covered her eyes.

"Okay…if you don't want to look, then listen." She unfolded the newspaper and began to read. "'Chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Maura Isles, seen in the picture below, arriving in Cambridge University to present awards for students who are a part of the latest forensic pathology research team.'" Noticing that Jane remained silent, she moved onto another newspaper. "'Detective Jane Rizzoli to marry Chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Maura Isles.' You two made it to the front pages _every single week. _I'm sure you know that." Jane sat still in her seat. Her eyes were fixed on several pictures off to the side. "Jane. You can listen to me all day and you can sit there and build up your anger and anxiety. Or we can be civil and talk about this."

Jane tapped her fingers, fidgeted her foot, and finally looked at Dr. Greene.

"Good. Eye contact is good." She said. "Why are you here in Florida?"

Jane's stare froze. She realized that the conversation was finally happening.

"Okay…why did you leave Boston?" Dr. Greene asked. Jane stayed quiet. "Do you see where I'm getting at? You refused to answer when your dad asked you ad you're doing the same with me. Do I need to read each and every newspaper that I have?"

"Where'd you get them anyways?" Jane finally spoke.

"I have friends at the Boston Herald. They shipped it the follow day. Do you know how many articles that relates to you?"

"A lot…"

"Yes a lot, to be more specific…your private life? 279. They were all reputable things until you hit articles 253-270. Those 17 articles were about your sudden disappearance. You turned form Boston's well-respected to most hated, overnight."

Jane allowed the words _respected_ and _hated_ echo in her ears.

"How did you even manage to hide?" Dr. Greene asked. "I'm sure the guys at headquarters almost had their hearts ripped out when they saw you talking to the captain about a job."

"I made a deal." Jane said. "I work for them, they keep my name on the DL, no questions asked."

Dr. Greene nodded. "Makes sense then. It must have been nerve wracking at first."

"Yeah…I didn't know if anyone was going to talk…"

"And I supposed no one did?"

"As a woman working in a man's world, you learn to get your foot firm into the ground. I made it clear that I do mutual respect. You know...that kind of stuff. But what you do to me I will do to you."

"I see…relatively off topic, but when did you the drink binging start?" she looked at the picture in the newspaper then back to Jane. "It appears back in Boston, you looked incredibly healthy. Your skin glowed and your eyes weren't sunk in like right now. But in our…" Dr. Greene hesitantly said. "four years of working together, I want to say you started when you arrive in Florida but only proceeded to escalate to heavier and stronger drinks about two years ago?"

"Well, when you're a terrible person like I am, you don't want to remember what you've done."

Bingo.

"And what is it that you've done?"

"Don't you already know that?" Jane almost yelled.

"I need you to say it."

"But you already know it, damn it!"

"Jane, you need to admit what you've done." Dr. Greene said calmly. "What have you done to make you drink yourself to sleep?"

"I left." Jane quickly mumbled.

"What did you leave? Who did you leave?"

"I…I left my life." She replied quietly. She felt herself choking on tears.

Dr. Greene nodded. "Who did you leave?"

"My family…friends…" a single tear drop slid down her face.

"Any one in particular?"

"M…M…Maura." Jane struggled to say.

"And who is this Maura?" Dr. Greene asked. "What is her significance in your life?"

"You…just read the headline…"

Dr. Greene repeated the question. "What is her significance in your life?"

"She's my…was…my wife." Tears flooded her face.

"Why do you say 'was'?"

"I left. I left her." Jane cried harder. "I left my wife and child at the hospital!" Jane buried her head in her hands again.

Dr. Greened sighed in relief. She managed to get Jane to admit to her actions. _Step one, check_, she said to herself. She waited for Jane to release what had been locked up and buried.

"Jane?" Dr. Greene said. She handed a cup of water. "Why did you leave them?"

"I…I was scared. He came back." Jane said in between breaths.

"Who came back?"

"Ho…Hoyt came back." She replied. Her body began to shake. Her eyes, tightly shut, while her breathing tensed. Dr. Greene moved next to Jane.

"I need you to breathe. I need you to look at me." Dr. Greene instructed. She waited for a response.

"I had a dream about him a few weeks before…she…the…accident. There was a guy. An old guy with a beard like Dumbledore, holding a sign." Jane said quietly. "Love live Hoyt." Dr. Greene let the three words sink into her mental database. She realized those three words was the root of her existence in Florida.

"I left because danger always follows me home." Jane wiped her tears. Her breathing was better. Shallow, but better. "Having a kid…made things more…precious…more terrifying. And he…"

Dr. Greene dozed off into her own mind, still attempting to register Jane's words_. Why does she keep saying a kid? Singular? She's got two! Doesn't she know that? Is it in my duty to tell her? _Dr. Greene debated with herself.

"He doesn't deserve to always have to think if I'm coming home." Jane drank her water. "So I left. What I did was…is stupid, selfish…so regretful. Call me an ass, a douche, all the terrible things you can call me for doing what I did. But that child deserves to have a safe and healthy household."

"What difference does it make if he wonders I you're coming home that day or if you're back at all after so many years? Either way, that child will think both things. 'Where did my other mommy go?' 'Did my other mommy die?' Who's going to explain to him where you are?"

"Wouldn't it be easier if he didn't have to -."

"What? Know you? Jane, answer the question. Who's going to explain to your child where you've gone?"

"Maura…will." Jane replied slowly.

"Did it ever occur to you that your son isn't the only one you were going to hurt? Leaving your son because you wanted to him to be danger free also meant leaving your wife, family, everyone and everything! But Jane, danger is everywhere, like it or not."

At that moment, Jane stopped crying. The tears halted, her breathing silent, and the only thing that was audible, was the sound of the air condition sending heaps of air to the plants adjacent to it, causing soft ripples. True guilt seeped through Jane's skin. She felt sick to her stomach as she replayed the words over and over.

"Do you have plan on going back?" Dr. Greene asked.

"Oh…" Jane began. "About that. How do I say this…" Jane crossed her arms. "The case I'm working…well, it got moved to Boston."

Dr. Greene widened her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. My partner and I have to stay there until we close the case."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow mid afternoon." Jane replied. I'm not fucking excited. I'd love to fucking bury myself right now."

"That's sudden." Dr. Greene said. She was happy though. Not many people had the opportunity like Jane.

"I'm not happy about it."

"I can think of so many reasons…" Dr. Greene said. "But what's your current concern?"

"FSPD…we're teaming up with Boston PD."

"Oh…I understand now. And I take it that everything back there is how you…"

"Yeah. Exactly the same." Jane blew her nose. "Look, I gotta go." She got up, threw her tissue and cup away.

"Jane, you did great today." Dr. Greene said. "Admitting is always difficult. Think about what we've spoken about."

"Yeah, thanks."

"And Jane? What happened to your arm?"

Jane quickly covered up. "See you tomorrow…" She opened the door and left the room.


	12. It's the Truth

Twelve

Angela walked behind Maura, Tanner, and Johnny. Arissa held onto her hand while eating a cheese stick. From behind. Minus Arissa, the three looked like a tight and well loving family. Tanner walked in between the two, holding Johnny's hand, although he walked from a strange distance. Maura clung onto his arm, but with very little affection. Like she noted, they looked like a family, _from behind. _They stopped in front of a shop which Angela could barely see. The look on Maura's face was the opposite of Tanner's. She tried to smile, but ended up turning away. On the other hand, Tanner smiled graciously. He pointed at something and kept making comments. Well, at least that's what it looked like to Angela. The three continued walking and by the time Angela reached the storefront, she realized why Maura tried to force a smile.

The Vera Wang store was the very story Jane and Maura went to try and purchase their wedding outfits. It had taken Jane about a week to find her suit, but due to Maura's persistence on seeing Jane in a dress, she ended up taking two months to find a reasonable dress. It was in this very store where Angela, Constance, and Maura truly had their bonding moment. This store held too many memories. And just like Maura, Angela tried to force a smile.

On the way to Boston Common, Angela thought of all the possibilities to what Tanner could have said in front of the store. All her assumptions led to one thing; Tanner had plans on marrying Maura. But did Maura feel the same? Angela couldn't even bring herself to like the guy no matter how-.

"Nonna?"

Angela snapped out from her thoughts. "Yes, dear?"

"Mommy never told me about Jaaane Rizzzoli. Uncle Frankie and Uncle Tommy's last name is Rizzzzoli. Is your last name Rizzzoli too?"

Angela slowly gripped her hand. "I used to be a Rizzoli, sweetheart. But that doesn't matter. Why do you keep asking about that anyways?"

"Because. Jaaannee Rizzzzoli is listed as my other mommy. Do you know her?"

_Do I know her? Of course I know her. She's my only daughter who left her own family, just like her father! _Angela tried to calm down. _What do I tell her?_

"One thing you should know about her is that she was one of Boston's finest cops. She served to be one of the greatest detective's too." Angela chose her words carefully.

"Is she still al-."

"Angela! Arissa!" Maura called out from in front. Maura stood next to a picnic table while Tanner and Johnny waited by pond.

"Sorry! We got a little tied up back there." Angela said. She tried to hide her frightened smile.

"That's alright." Maura began unpacking her picnic basket. "Arissa, go play with your brother and Tanner."

Arissa looked disgusted. "No! I don't want to play with Tanner!"

_My grandkids don't even like Tanner either!_ Angela thought to herself.

"Angela? Is something wrong?"

"Arissa asked me about," she paused, "Jane."

"Oh." Maura attempted to shield her eyes form revealing her pain. "What did you say?"

"I told her she was a good cop."

Maura nodded. She took the juice containers and sandwiches out. "That's all she should know, right?"

"I'm not against you when it comes to…_this. _But your kids are _incredibly _smart at their age. I'm sure if you let them slip on a computer, they'll search it all up. All I'm saying is, wouldn't it be better if they found out from you instead of…well, something else, like the internet?"

"When the time comes, we'll figure it out."

"Maura…the time _already _came. Remember when she found the birth certificates?" Angela asked. "Children…they ask things without much thought. That's completely understandable, but children are also very curious. They will keep asking questions."

Angela sat down next to Maura. She decided to change the subject.

"Tanner seems to love spending time with them." _Too much actually, _she thought.

"Yeah. He says he finds them 'admirable' people to be around."

Tanner had Arissa on his shoulders and Johnny on his leg. But the terror and uncomforting look on their faces forced Angela to ask, "Where are you right now in your relationship with Tanner?"

"We're just friends…" Maura said. "Well, I don't know the word for it. We're past friends but not quite…_together._"

"What about him? Does he feel the same? He seemed excited when it comes to marrying you."

"I suppose it's because he has that '_biological_' connection with the kids."

_Should I say it, _Angela thought, _I should!_

"But do Johnny and Arissa have that '_biological_' connection? I just don't see it…and I'm really trying to find that connection, _that spark_, between them."

"We should give him more time." Maura suggested.

"Two years, Maura. There should be some sort of progress if there really is a connection. Don't you see it? Johnny and Arissa treat Tanner _like a stranger_. They're not warm to him unlike with Heather or Sydney!"

Maura looked out in the park. She saw where Angela was coming from. Tanner didn't have that warm feeling towards kids that most adult usually have.

"I'm not trying to cause a rift, but I really don't want our family to go through any more trouble."

Maura nodded in reply. "Look, Angela. He's a great guy. There are several things I love about him."

"But is that enough?" Angela asked.

_Is it enough? Is what Tanner and I have, enough? _Maura thought.

"It's good enough." Maura said. "For now."

Angela tried to believe her. But she knew in her heart that Tanner was not the right match for her. When they hugged, Maura had to go on her toes just to get at a decent level of comfort. In fact, Maura was a head short than Tanner. Physically, they were not a match. Professionally, it could work. But most importantly, personally? It could work _if _the relationship was forced upon. The two had misses sections inside them and certain puzzle pieces that could work. But both did not have the missing pieces that they truly needed, therefore they lacked the true romantic compatibility they truly deserved.

Angela knew she would regret asking, "Do you ever think about…Jane?"

Maura's eyes sent darts to Angela. "I try not to." Her voice began to shake. "I mean, I can't do much about it."

"Do you miss her?"

Maura reached for a tissue. "How can I not?" She wiped her tears. "You build up so many things and one day they're gone. It's like I love her, I miss her, and I want to be in her arms. But at the same time, I want to throw punches at her, kick her, and make her feel my pain." She saw Tanner and her kids walk toward the table. She quickly wiped her eyes and said, "None of this gets mentioned to them."

"Hey!" Tanner said. He leaned to give a kiss on Maura's lips. "We had fun out there, right kids?"

Johnny gave out a forced sigh. "Yeah."

Arissa curled back to Angela's arms. "Who's hungry?" she asked.

Angela wanted to smile and cry. She wanted to yell to the world what her jackass daughter had been and what she's lost. But also, she wanted to yell because her daughter still had someone waiting for her after so many years. She looked at Maura and gave a stern look.

They would continue this conversation elsewhere.

ˣˣ

"Frank! Open up! I don't have much time to talk!" Jane yelled. She pounded on the door. Anxiety grew inside as time passed.

"Janie! I'm in the backyard!" a voice yelled. Jane walked down the stairs, then to the side entrance, and saw Frank tending the garden. "You know Janie, with our given situation; I can say we're getting along pretty well!"

"Yeah, well, don't hold your breath for too long on that." She replied.

"What do you mean?"

"You know that phrase 'like father like son' or 'like mother like daughter'?"

"Yeah…what are you trying to get at?"

Jane waited for the right timing. She could blurt it out or she could pace everything out.

"We're alike." Jane said. "Like father like daughter."

"Of course! You're my-."

"No Frank. Not in any positive way." _This is more difficult than I thought it would be. _"I…five years…You-."

"Janie, just tell me. It can't be that bad."

_Oh you have no idea. _"I'm going to say this quickly." She took a deep breath in. "Five years ago I married Maura -."

To her surprise, Frank smiled. He got up, walked towards Jane and said, "That's wonderful! I knew you had some sort of feelings for her." He opened out his arms. "Can I hug you?"

"Hold it Frank. I haven't gotten to the bad part." Jane held out her hand. "She got pregnant…then…the accident…then-."

"Did you do what I…" Frank's voice trailed off. He stood there, stunned by his thoughts. "Come on. Let's sit."

Frank removed his gloves, wiped his sweat, and led Jane to the front porch where they sat side by side on the stairs. "Uh," Frank said. He searched his pockets for tissues. "I don't have any…"

Jane continued wailing her tears. She hunched over, unwilling to admit for the second time what she has done.

"Janie…did you…are they…they don't live here, do they?" Frank asked.

"No. Boston. I…I left." Jane replied.

"Huh…" Frank said. "I don't know what to say."

"Start with what a terrible person I am."

"I don't think I'm in the right position to be saying that." He said. "I guess that makes two of us, huh?"

"How'd you manage? Eight years of not hearing from us?"

"I didn't manage. Hell, I don't. But you have to. You make decisions and you gotta stick to it 100%, even if it hurts."

"I barely managed four years…" Jane wiped her tears with her sleeves. "I…I just left like-."

"Like me." Frank stated. He sighed and put an arm around his daughter. "I'm not sure if it's right to use the 'like father like daughter' phrase."

"But it's true! I did…what you did."

"For different reasons," he interjected, "I'm sure."

"We still did it. No matter the reason."

Frank sighed. "I really don't know what to say. I can't get mad at you nor can I lecture you. It's not in my place. Plus I'd be a complete hypocrite."

"I don't know how many times I've told myself how terrible I fucking am."

"Janie, I feel stuck. I really don't know what to say." He said. "Why'd you leave?"

"Hoyt came back." Jane replied.

"I thought you killed him…"

"How'd you know? You weren't even…"

"It was headline news all across the nation."

"Oh…well yeah. He came back." Jane's mind began to traffic with confusion. "Wait. No. This old ass man had a sign the night of the crash…'Long Live Hoyt'."

"That's why you left?"

"Hell yeah! I thought after two years of him being dead, I wouldn't have to deal with him. But I guess not! He fucking came back!" Jane looked at her watch. "I gotta go."

"Wait. How are you sure he's back?"

"I don't." she said slowly.

"And you left without giving it a few days?"

"I couldn't risk it. I had a new…born."

Frank nodded. "The difference between me and you with what we did is I left because I was unhappy and to some extent, greedy. But _you_, Janie, _you _did it because you wanted to protect your child, wife…_your own family_! You did it out of love!"

"I still left…that should count for something."

"All our actions are accounted for, Janie."

Jane got up. "Look, I didn't mean for this to be like…this. I just needed you to know…" she looked at her watch again. "I have to go."

"Where are you off to?" Frank asked. "I'll walk you to your car."

"Airport. For work." Jane said.

"Where to?"

"You're not going to believe me…"

"Is it Boston?" Frank asked.

"Unfuckingbelievable right?" Jane entered her car.

"Maybe there's a reason."

"Yeah, a chance for them to beat the hell out of me." Jane said. She slipped on her aviators.

"There's always a reason. Remember that."

She turned on her car.

"Janie?"

"Hm?"

"What's…your child's…my grandchild's name?" He asked carefully.

For the first time since Jane confronted Frank, she smiled. "Johnny."

"Johnny…" Frank repeated.

"He's a Rizzoli baby. Looked like Tommy when I…" she stopped. "I should go. I don't want to be late."

"Alright. It was good talking to you." Frank smiled. "Real good."

"Yeah.

"And Jane? If there's still love left, try again with Dr – Maura. I know you love her and _Johnny _more than anything."

Jane nodded before driving off. At the next block, she dialed Dr. Greene, hoping to tie any loose ends before leaving for Boston.

"Dr. Greene speaking."

"Hey, it's Jane."

"Aah, I knew you'd call."

"How do you…"

"Yesterday you said your plane leaves today midafternoon. It's almost two. I know your plane leaves in an hour." Dr. Greene said. "How do I know that? I searched it online. The only plane leaving for Boston today is at three."

"Wow…okay.

"What can I do for you?" Dr. Greene asked.

"I don't know if there's anything. I just left Frank's place. I told him why I'm here and what I did."

"How'd he take it?"

"He didn't know whether to lecture me or console me. I wouldn't blame him for that."

"Did he ask about your…"

"Yeah. But I just told him he's a Rizzoli baby and his name."

_She really doesn't acknowledge her daughter, now does she, _Dr. Greene thought to herself, _or maybe she doesn't know?_

"That's good. I'm glad you had that conversation with him. It's an excellent stepping stone."

"I guess."

"What are you going to do once you get to Boston?"

"My job."

"I'm sure you've thought about what _we _spoke of. I just know you'll have run in's with your, family. I just wanted to know if _you_ had any plans to tackle these obstacles."

"Like I said. I'm there for my job. Anything and everything else comes second."

"And you're sure about this? The article says you're head over heels for…"

"Yeah, that was four years ago." Jane replied loudly.

"Of course, but during your stay here, all those feelings were switched off, until a few days ago. How can you be sure that your personal _issues_ won't get in the way of your job?"

"I can manage."

"Jane, you're a very emotional person…"

"Yeah, and I'm about to head into a tunnel. Like I said; work first, everything else second."

"Alright Jane. Just remember what we've spoken about. Your actions, responsibilities. You cannot run away from them forever."

"Will do, Dr. Greene."

"And Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever you did to your arm, don't do it again." Dr. Greene hung up.

Jane looked at her phone. "How the hell does she know all this?" She put her phone inside her pocket, turned into the parking lot, and entered the airport.

Walking inside Orlando International after four years, made the hairs on Jane's neck rise in altitude. The closest she's been to an airport was when she first arrived and two years later when she dropped off Detective Gordon to meet with his wife's parents. She walked right through security and boarded onto the plane. She buckled in, breathed deep breaths as the plane began to take off, returning her to the place she thought she'd never see again.


	13. Almost There

Thirteen

Jane woke up to an unfamiliar room. The first thing she noticed was the cool air hovering around the room. She rolled to the other side of the bed, where her phone rested. She slid her finger across the screen revealing multiple reminders and texts messages. All of them said the same thing

"Be at Boston PD, 7 am sharp."

It was 6:30. Jane moaned and got out of bed. She went straight for the bathroom, took a shower, and ten minutes later, her phone rang.

"Rizzoli," she answered.

"Did you get my text?" Gordon asked.

"Yeah, I did. Where are you?"

"In front of your apartment." He said. "And yes, that's me. I've been honking and waking up everyone on a beautiful Saturday morning."

Jane looked through her blinds. "How long have you been out there?"

"Doesn't matter. Hurry up! We're going to be late!" he honked again.

"Relax, man! I'm coming out now!" She retrieved her blazer, badge, gun, and snapped her phone to her belt. As she reached for the doorknob, wind blew inside the room causing ripples on the newspaper, catching Jane's attention.

_Jane found her seat near the tail of the plane. The first thing that entered her mind was how the back half of the plane got fucked up just like in Lost. She remembered how people died and cursed at why she didn't get first class. But she did sit alone, which worked to her liking. She has seen Gordon toward the front of the plane. He sat next to an old and frail man with heart problems and a woman who smelled of cat urine. The second they made eye contact Gordon's reaction yelled out for help. Jane only replied with a laugh._

_ Once the plane took off and everyone began to settle in, the flight attendants rolled their carts up and down the rows, offering drinks and cheap snacks. Jane, while staring deeply out into the clouds, was interrupted by a quiet drop of papers by her side. She looked to who could have dropped it. All the flight attendants were at least twelve rows up. People around her remained still and the bathroom behind her was already occupied. She then reached for the newspaper._

_ "Detective Jane Rizzoli to return to Boston after a 4 year absence." The words radiated to her eyes in bolded letters. She quickly scanned for the date. The hairs on Jane's neck and arms rose. The very newspaper she was holding would be distributed all throughout Boston tomorrow morning. Someone had given her an early copy. Someone was ready to lash out on her._

Jane closed the door behind her, taking in the bittersweet smell of Boston. She chose an apartment as far away from the precinct as possible only because there would be a good chance that _familiar faces_ would show up if she stayed close.

"You're awfully excited." Jane said.

"First of all, _yes_, I'm _hella_ excited. It's my first cross state case. And I can finally wear my winter coat that has been collecting dust in my closet for years."

"Alright, _Rick Lee_, don't let it get inside your head too much." She suggested. "It makes you lose sight on the job. Plus, your rookiness would friggen show."

"Okay. Stay calm and collected." Gordon said to himself. He began driving on the streets of Boston. He listened to the GPS intent fully while Jane sate, completely agitated. She'd done almost everyone on every street in Boston. She'd look at a tree and remember ramming a suspect into it. Then she'd look at an intersection and recall chasing a suspect through the crazy traffic on foot. There wasn't a place where Jane could look without remember some sort of event that had taken place there.

The closer they got to the precinct, the more Jane wanted to crawl back to her bed. _Maybe everyone forgot_, Jane thought, _maybe I can do my job and get out like nothing ever happened. Hell, maybe there are new people, a chief, a new ME._

"Hey Rizzoli. You okay?" Gordon asked.

"Huh, yeah. Just slept wrong." She lied. They pulled onto the front and after four years, nothing at BPD changed. From the car, Jane started at the building. The brick work, green frames of the window, silver doors, and stairs stayed the same. She stared at the pavement where Marino held her before she made the risk of shooting herself. Then she looked at the red curb that laid directly in front of the doors. It was that very red curb where Big Mo towed her car away and when Jane proposed to either let people park there or have it painted red. The city wouldn't allow it, only because of budget cuts. Jane insisted for months, until they gave in. The mayor had given her the license to paint the curb red and looking at it after six years, gave Jane more chills.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, stop asking that." Jane opened her door. "Let's go." She stomped out of the car and crossed the street without giving much attention to the streets. She received odd looks from pedestrians as if they recognized her from the paper. She quickly stepped on the stairs, remembering the last time she was here. Gordon caught up. He opened the door way too quickly for Jane's liking.

The smell of BPD rushed to Jane's nostrils. Coffee cups, sweaty uniforms, and the basic presence of Boston cops made Jane sick. Did she miss it? Or did she want to run out?

They walked through security and into their assigned room, waiting for the rest of BPD to arrive.

ˣˣ

Frankie Rizzoli quickly jolted awake after a 53 hour shift. The endless cycle of watching surveillance videos, following a lead, and consuming drastic amounts of caffeine and random snacks eventually took a toll on everyone. They would have the lead they needed and then it would turn up as a dead end. Frankie groaned before murmuring 37 in his head. 37 leads and nothing to move forward with. Who wouldn't be frustrated? Who wouldn't be angry? They knew their target but had no evidence to put him behind bars. To make things worse, Lt. Cavanaugh assigned yet another case to him, Frost, and Korsak. Frankie groaned once more. He walked out wearily to the kitchen where he heard a feint sound of someone cooking.

"Ma? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"You don't come by anymore." Angela said. She placed a plate on the table by the coffee mug. "So I decided to come and feed you an actual meal."

Frankie rubbed his eyes. "How did you get -. Never mind. It smells too good to even ask."

"I barely see you anymore."

"Yeah, well, do you want to help us find evidence to get our guy?" he asked. "Actually, no. Don't answer that."

"What -. I would have said yes. Besides, I've picked up a few things here and there."

"Yeah, but _I'm _a detective. You're," Frankie bit into the crispy bacon, "a civilian with no professional training."

"Could you be any more blunt?" Frankie stared at his mom. "Anyways, I heard you got a new case?"

"God ma. Please don't remind me about that."

"How can I? I heard people from Florida are coming here."

"Where did you hear that?" he asked.

"I may be old but I do keep my ears open. Now spill."

Frankie sighed. "I don't have much to share."

"Just tell me what they told you!" she said quickly

"Cavanaugh dropped the case on me. Now I have two cases to work on. Anyways, he told me that there are two detectives from Florida who have their problems spilling over to our jurisdiction. They called us, well Cavanaugh, and asked if they could work. Cavanaugh only agreed only if _we're _on the case."

"Do you know the detective's name?"

"Uh, one of them is a guy named Jeffrey Gordon…"

"And?"

"And what?"

"You said two detectives. You only mentioned one."

"That's cause I only know one. They decided to leave the other name out."

"Are you lying?" she asked.

"No, ma. But," he took the last bite of eggs, "I gotta shower then leave. Thanks for breakfast."

"Sure honey." Angela rolled her eyes. She took the plate and mug and returned to the sink. She thought about the other detective's name. Did she hope it was Jane? Did she want her back here? Angela shrugged off the unlikely possibility of that happened. She ventured off to another not so sweet thought.

Before leaving for Frankie's earlier, she spotted Tanner inside Maura's house, standing beside the island. He looked nervous and almost scared. His shoulders were hunched over and his neck was hanging low. She'd spotted a small box, a wine bottle, a chocolate fountain, and two dozen roses.

Tanner was going to propose.

Instead of entering Maura's kitchen and dropping Tanner with questions, she headed for Frankie's, hoping to forget what she had seen. But it proved to be a rather difficult visit. Now all these questions consumed her head. Was the man who she truly did not like doing to propose? When? Where? If Maura accepted, Angela would surely be out of the picture. She just knew it. Tanner would be taking_ her_ spot, _her _role, _and her_ job. She couldn't let it happen. But what if they -.

"Ma?" Frankie appeared next to the television set and piles of boxes waiting to be moved. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just need to get some groceries." She replied.

"Alright. Well, I gotta go." Frankie leaned in to give a kiss on the cheek. "You take care."

"You too, sweetheart. Eat more!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Frankie walked out to his car. He expects to drive to the precinct and work right away. He expects another endless shift of dead ends, expects to force himself to cooperate with the FSPD, whoever they were. But did he ever expect to come face to face with his sister, the only person he ever looked up to and saw as a role model, after four years?


	14. Rumbling Emotions

Fourteen

The tapping would start, pause, stop, and resume in a pattern almost mimicking the tune of Empire Ants. The table would shake weakly, causing ripples to form on the chocolate colored coffee. Then the tapping would resume again, causing the cycle to repeat. Gordon was nervous for obvious reasons. It was his first out of state case and yet he still acted like a rookie despite his four year career. It angered Jane, or rather, sparked a huge fury inside her when Gordon asked, "Why should _you_ be nervous? You've got nothing to be nervous for!"

_My ass, _Jane thought. She cooled herself. She didn't want to cause a commotion, especially here in Boston. It was only fair that Gordon asked and Jane to do her best to be calm. After all, Gordon knew nothing about her other than being headline news all across the nation. But damn it, she had the right to be more nervous than Gordon, to shake harder than an earthquake, to feel…_guilt_.

But then the tapping and the ripples on the coffee would start again, leaving Jane interrupted from her thoughts and agitated once more. She felt breathless and light headed yet her heart beat felt fine, and oddly enough, regular. She sat and wondered where the hell everybody was and what was taking so long.

Then there was a knock on the door. Both Jane and Gordon quickly became alert. Jane felt relieved and so helplessly scared at the same time. She took a deep breath in and watched the door swing open.

Cavanaugh walked in, seeing the two detectives, but only realizing the presence of Jane moments later. He stared at Gordon then to Jane. Cavanaugh, known to have the uttermost unemotional face, showed a state of shock, anger, and a tinge of bitter disappointment. She wondered if he was going to yell at her right at that moment or give some sort of lecture.

But instead, he took his hand out and said, "I'm Lieutenant Sean Cavanaugh." Gordon quickly shook his hand. "Excuse our delay." He turned to Jane, took out his hand again where Jane stared and shook his hand with hesitation. He turned back to Gordon and said, "You must be Detective Jeffrey Gordon." Cavanaugh shuffled through his paper. "We weren't given much about you two, especially _your partner_. Care to tell us her name?"

_What the fuck, _Jane thought, _why not ask me?_

Gordon looked at Jane, confused, but answered, "Detective Jane Rizzoli." Cavanaugh nodded, still not looking at her. He tried to hide his anger; however the muscles on his cheeks tightened. "Where are the other detectives?"

"They're on their way." He replied.

"How many will we be working with?"

"Three." Cavanaugh lifted his head, still not making eye contact with Jane. "They're my _finest_ detective's that Boston has."

_He fucking did that on purpose_, Jane thought. The room returned to a silence again. Next thing Jane knew, she heard the sound of familiar voices and laughter.

The door swung open again. "And Frost here runs after the guy but the guy smashes his head against a pole, breaking his nose and splitting his forehead open! Frost goes up to arrest him but throws up when he sees the blood!"

Frankie, Korsak, and Frost entered the room, still deep in their conversation. They continued to laugh. Unaware of Jane and Gordon, Frankie continued. "Then the guy, all covered in throw up and blood, passes out for whatever -."

Cavanaugh cleared his throat, earning the attention of the three men. Korsak was the first to notice Jane, then Frost, and finally Frankie. Their eyes grew larger than the moon and large bulges appeared in their throats. Within seconds, Frankie went from laughing to wanting to strangle his sister. Behind him, Korsak gripped Frankie's wrist in order to prevent a break out. All in all, the three men remained in awe, but geared towards anger and resentment.

Jane stayed in her seat. She looked at her brother first. She noticed the deep circles in his eyes, just like the ones she had gotten on the early part of her career. His hair grew darker, thicker, and almost receded on certain areas. His unshaved stubble made it clear that they were in the middle of a case. His deep brown eyes remained fixed on her. His eyes showed no emotion yet they were screaming daggers of rage.

Frost and Korsak looked the same, except for the fact that Frost bore a wedding ring. Korsak still had his salt and peppery hair style color that went along with his goatee. He still had the same suits and Jane vividly remembered his current tie; a gift from Frost.

"Now that we're all here," Cavanaugh began. He maneuvered his head toward the empty chairs. The three men chose seats opposite from Jane as if she had some terrible disease ready to spread amongst them. "We'll make this quick. Julian de Guzman was seen late last night at an ATM machine depositing close to one grand. You have our resources and our numbers. Contact us if you need anything."

"Do you have your mayor notified?" Gordon asked. "I think it's safe to inform him about the given situation."

"We've already done so. Our lead detective for this case, Detective _Frankie_, called him."

Jane quickly got up. "I'm the lead detective for this case."

"Under out current circumstances," Cavanaugh began. He hinted slight anger, "It's only right to have our men lead this case since it is in _our _city."

Frankie cleared his throat. "I'm the lead_, Detective Rizzoli_. That's final."

"You don't have an ounce of experience!" Jane yelled. With that, Frankie jumped across the table and landed on Jane. She clawed her nails deep into his skin, wanting to hurt him yet trying to relieve the situation quickly, by any means.

Frankie threw in blind punches. "I don't have an ounce of experience? At least I stayed!"

"Frankie!" Frost yelled. He attempted to wrangle him off. Gordon stood up doing the same. Confused settled in his mind.

_What is going on, _he thought.

Jane wrestled up to her feet. Though she was a female, she still had the agility and muscles to take anyone down, especially her brother. Cavanaugh stepped in. He belly hugged Frankie from behind and yanked him off of Jane.

"Go home, Frankie. Come back when you've calmed down."

Frankie's chest rose and fell as his obvious breathing and anger rustled through him. He clenched his jaw, fixed his suit, and stomped out of the room. Frost and Korsak stood at Jane, shook their head in disappointment, and followed Frankie.

Cavanaugh gathered his papers. "You and Detective Frankie better settle all of this." He left the room quietly.

Gordon, still in shock, asked, "Rizzoli, what the hell was all that? You don't tell another detective what he can and can't do!" He went to get water. "What the hell is going on?"

"You don't know anything," Jane replied coldly. Gordon watched Jane wipe the blood off from the corner of her mouth. She left the room as well without another word.

"God, they didn't even introduce themselves." He sighed loudly.

ˣˣ

Frankie pounded on the gas pedal, not caring about all the laws he was breaking. He attempted to make the claw marks on his face less noticeable. Several honks, mild cussing, and the middle finger appeared all around him. But Frankie didn't care. In fact, he could care less if they, the citizens, brought it to the point of a lawsuit, because being on the same level of the law, he would most likely get a lecture and the settlement would be put away. All that Frankie cared about was getting to Tommy's house, ideally because the entire family was there. But how would he tell them? For four years, their life remained calm and quiet. They put Jane to the past, right next to where anger and hatred laid. They moved on as best as they could. But to reignite those feelings? For whatever reason, it felt like a suicide mission. Frankie grew tense as he pulled up in front of the house. He ran up the steps, bursting into the house, and scanned the kitchen where everyone was laughing and smiling.

_How do I fucking tell them? _

He contemplated on what to do. He scanned where everyone was. Tanner went to the backyard and retrieved several items. He took the chance and went to the dining room. The second he stepped foot on the creaking floor, the room grew silent.

Angela was the first to speak. "Frankie! What happened to your face?" she got up and began examining him. "What happened? Your shift just started!"

Tommy got up next. He went to his brother and looked as if he was about to find the person who had done this to him and rip that person apart. Then Maura got up and went to the cabinet to get the first aid kit. She took out a cream and walked to Frankie.

"You gonna tell us what happened bro?"

"A suspect didn't do this to you, right?" Angela asked.

Sydney went to him as well. "Honey? Please tell us what happened. Who did this to you?"

The questions were overwhelming. His hearted races and he felt beads of sweat trickle down his face. His throat quickly dried.

"Frankie?" Angela said. "What happened?"

He looked at everyone. He breathed slowly and finally blurted out, "Jane's back." He paused. "Jane's back in Boston."

The room grew quieter than the silence in a cemetery. The word's blurted to them like rain drops making impact with the ground. It was almost deafening, in a way. All the heads slowly turned to Maura, who remained still.

_Jane's back?_ Maura thought, _she can't be._

Maura's hand began to hake. Her knees buckled, her lungs demanded for air, and moments later, darkness consumed her.

"Mommy!" Arissa yelled. She jumped from her seat and ran to Maura.

"Crap! Why the doctor?" Tommy asked. "Sydney, will you call the ambulance? Heather! Come here!"

"Life her legs," she replied. "It'll increase blood flow. Blood pressure is too low! Angela, keep fanning her!"

Despite the commotion, Tanner returned with a plate of steak and corn and yelled, "Who's ready to eat?"

Tommy curled his hand into a fist, got up, and punched Tanner on his jaw.

"What was that for?" Frankie asked.

"Sorry, but I really hate that guy. Can't he see that Maura's passed out on the ground?"

"Well, we don't need another person unconscious. What the hell are we going to say to the paramedics?" Frankie asked.

"Look at the steak. It's on the ground. We'll say he slipped."

"And what about Maura?" Angela asked.

"She'll be up in a few minutes. She's beginning to stabilize again. "Heather said. "Keep fanning her."

Frankie went to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and stared at himself on the mirror. The day was already too long and it had only just begun.

"God, Jane's back." He said out loud. "Why, why, why? _She's _the other detective? God damn. Now I have to work with her? This is too much. _Too friggen much_. For me! For everyone! For Maura! God, what the hell? What are we going to do now?"


	15. A Day to Remember

Fifteen

8:30 am

Tanner woke up the following day in his apartment. His head yelled in agony while his jaw numbed itself.

"How did I get here?" he thought out loud. He tried to remember the previous events. Nothing out of the ordinary really happened. He remembered waking up and heading straight to Maura's house to pick her and her kids up. Then he remember going to Tommy's house, hearing laughing, taking about the latest academic achievements, getting the steak, and well, here he wa. He had no recollection of returning home. So how did he get there?

He got up and went to get a clean shirt. He brushed his teeth and went to the kitchen where he made coffee. On the fridge, a list of all the upcoming events hung next to business cards, reminders, photographs, and magnets. He went over by the phone, got a pen, and returned to the fridge, crossing out the passing days. He stopped on today's date. Only one thing would happen today.

He, Tanner Ryans, was going to propose to Maura.

His heart began to race. Today would either change a friendship or change the rest of his life.

"She's going to say yes," he said. "Wait; don't get too ahead of yourself." He vigorously shook his head. "Don't expect much. Just ask the question and wait for her response."

He had been planning the proposal for months. They'd take a sweet stroll along Boston and eventually take a small boat trip. Then the boat would drop them off back on land and next, a horse drawn carriage would take them to _their _restaurant. They would then talk about their future, their dreams, and whatever came to mind. Next, the waiter would bring the chocolate fountain. He and Maura would relax in each other's arms and feed each other chocolate dipped strawberries. Finally, Tanner would pop the question.

Tanner smiled as he returned to the bedroom. _This would be a day to remember_. But before it would reach that point, he called Maura.

"Hello?" Maura answered.

"Hey! How are you?"

"Better than yesterday." She replied.

_Better than yesterday? What happened yesterday?_

"Oh, uh, that's good. Anyways, are you free today? I'd like to take you out preferably before lunch time?"

"What have you got planned that requires a specific time?" she laughed dryly.

"Something..._relaxing._" he replied. "Are you free?"

"I have to take the kids to their art class and then I have to run errands at the bank."

"Okay. Call me when you've finished?"

"I will."

"And Maura?"

"Hm?"

"I love you." He said.

"You too." She replied quickly.

Tanner hung up the phone. He ran to the bathroom and took a shower. As he felt hot beads of water making contact with his face, he muttered out loud, "This will definitely be a day to remember."

ˣˣ

11:15 am

Jane slept through eleven alarms, nine rounds of snoozes, seventeen unread messages, and twenty eight missed calls from Gordon. She groaned as he read the alarm clock.

"So much for acting like a lead detective." She said. "It's only the third fucking day of being here."

Her back was slightly sore from being tackled by Frankie. The thought of her brother made her cringe.

"He's a detective now, huh…" she thought for a moment. "I wonder how long…agh. Forget it. Frost is married now?"

Jane got up too quickly. She hadn't eaten a full meal since she left for Boston. Her stomach grumbled yet she didn't want to eat. Dragging herself, she unplugged her phone and headed for the kitchen. She got whatever she could slap together, a carton of juice, and began reading her text messages.

"Why aren't you at the precinct?"

"Answer the phone!"

"De Guzman is keeping a low profile, but we got a hit at a drug store."

"Do you know these detectives?"

"Call me ASAP!"

"Oh Gordon." Jane said. She took a bite from her sandwich and chugged down the juice. "What the hell do I do now?"

She left her plate on the counter and went to the living room. She sat down on the red couch.

"Dr. Greene was right. My personal life would run head on into my professional life." She turned on the TV and flipped through numerous channels, somehow remembering all the stations and their shows.

"Not much has changed, huh Boston?" she asked.

ˣˣ

11:50 am

Maura sat on the couch of the art class, waiting for Johnny and Arissa. She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She didn't sleep well last night or at all for that matter. How could she? The very person whom she fell madly in love with is the same person who left her in a hospital with two newborns!

Nonetheless, Jane was back. Jane was back in Boston, breathing the same air and walking on the same soil. Earlier that morning, Maura decided to use her vacation time, in hopes of not running into Jane at work. It was an indefinite leave and one that was long overdue to take.

Maura fidgeted in her seat. She glanced at the wall clock, her watch, and her phone. Time did not pass. She was desperate to have something else occupy her mind. She wanted the class to be over and to have her kids tell endless stories. She wanted something, _anything _to pull her out from her thoughts.

To her desperation and luck, a swarm of kids ran outside the classroom. The other parents jolted up and quickly put their phones and began to greet their kids. Johnny and Arissa were the last to arrive.

"Ma! Look what I painted!" Johnny raised his canvas. It was a very abstract picture of a police officer. "I made it for Uncle Frankie!"

"That's wonderful sweetheart. I'm sure he'll love it." Maura kissed her son on the forehead and turned to Arissa. "What did you paint?"

"Mount Rushmore!" she took her painting out.

For a four year old, Maura's kids were far advanced in their skills. Both Johnny and Arissa shared a great skill in intricacy. They both had shades, details, and proportions spot on.

"Wow! That's absolutely beautiful! Do you want to hang it up on our wall?"

"Yes mommy!" She replied.

"Can we get some ice cream?" Johnny asked.

"Sure, but after we go to the bank, okay?"

"Okay ma. I have a story to tell you!"

"Tell me while we're walking. Come on. Hold mommy's hand you two."

The three walked out of the building, turned left, and walked straight towards the bank.

"Today in class, Riss caught a boy picking his nose while we were practicing mixing colors with our fingers."

"It was gross, mommy!"

"Then he put his boogers back in the bottle and then on the paper! There were spots of boogers in his paper! Riss told him how dirty it was!"

"Did you sweetheart?" Maura smiled proudly.

"Yes mommy. I went with him to wash his hand and to get a new piece of paper."

"And then, Riss helped him get new paints."

"Yeah! His paints were yucky!"

"You didn't tell him that did you?

"No! I just helped him."

"Good girl." They arrived at the bank. "Let mommy open the door." The two stepped to the side and walked in.

"What are we doing here?" Arissa asked.

"Mommy just has to do a few things." She walked up to the teller. "Stay behind me okay?"

"Hi, how may I help you today, Dr. Isles?"

"I just have to switch some accounts around and redistribute my funds elsewhere."

"Alright. Please swipe your card for me."

Johnny and Arissa played a game of tag even though they were less than two inches away from each other. It was Johnny's lack of maturity that caused Arissa to not pay attention to him. And if it weren't for him, she wouldn't have seen what was happening before her eyes.

Three men entered the building, armed with SMG's. One had a shot gun hanging from his back. All three were wearing black, nothing more, nothing less. One of them shot in the air.

"Everybody throw your cell phones towards me and regroup to the center!"

The last man locked the door and looked through the transparent glass.

"15 minutes." He said.

"Okay." He nodded before turning to the crowd. "This'll be very simple. We get what we need and we go on our merry way. If anyone doesn't like that plan and decides to stop us, you'll get a bullet through your head. Do I make myself clear?"

Maura quickly out her kids behind her, "Stay quiet, okay?" The fear settled into Arissa's eyes. Johnny grabbed his sister's hand, hoping to send some comfort to her. Maura threw her cellphone and tried to stay as far away possible from the men.

"You know what to do." The man said.

_Why did it have to happen now? _Maura thought. She held her kids tightly. Both of them were shaking. They began to scream moments later.

A bald man attempted to disarm the robber. He almost succeeded but the other man was too swift for him. His brain matter exploded all over the ground, literally. Within minutes, his blood stopped oozing.

"I was serious with what I said. Don't even try to attempt to do what he did."

Arissa buried her head into Maura's. She began to cry and shake harder. Johnny continued to stare at the lifeless body.

"Johnny, look away. Come here." Maura instructed.

_I just needed to transfer money, _she thought, _why did I have to choose today?_

ˣˣ

11:55 pm

"Dispatch. Robbery on Court Street and Tremont. Calling all units."

Frost and Korsak quickly responded. They looked toward the other car where Frankie and Gordon sat in. They nodded at each other and quickly drove to the bank.

"This has to be him." Frost said.

"I think so too." Korsak replied. "He's one day behind his spree."

In the other car, Frankie asked, "How long have you been working with Detective Rizzoli?"

"Four years. I've been trying to get a hold of her all morning."

"She got a family?" he chose his questions carefully.

"No. She's all about work." Gordon replied. "You interested?"

Frankie's eyes widened. "Hell no. I'm engaged.'

"Mmmhmm. Anyways, de Guzman usually goes in and out of banks within 15 minutes."

"Yeah, so?"

"Drive faster. We might be able to reach him."

They were the first to arrive at the bank. They parking lot had cleared except for three silver Audi's in front.

"Cover the exits!" Frankie yelled. He spoke into his radio. "This is Detective Frankie, send in a S.W.A.T team at Court and Trenton. Be advised. Shots have been fired. We do not have a clear visual."

"Korsak! Come here!" Frost said. "We're not trained for this. What do we do in the meantime?"

"We wait till the rest of the team arrives."

"Gordon, don't stand in no man's land! Get yourself behind the car!"

He quickly sent Jane a text, stating where he was and the current situation.

_Here we go. We're gonna get you, you son of a bitch._

ˣˣ

12:00 pm

"Oh look. Cops are here. Makes everything a little more exciting. Looks like we're going to be here for a while folks, so don't get comfortable." He gave out a loud laugh and shot another teller.

"Opps. I forgot. What did I say about killing? Aah, well, rules have changed people. We're getting out of here _with _or _without_ you."

"At least let go of the children!" a man pointed towards Johnny and Arissa.

The man shot him down. "Again. With or without you." He walked towards Maura. "You've got beautiful kids." Then he rubbed Arissa's cheek. "She's going to be mine."

Maura stared at his deep indigo eyes. It was like staring at death.

ˣˣ

12:10 pm

Jane drove as fast as she could. She zipped in and out of lanes. She was surprised that she still knew every secret turn and street. It proved to be her second nature. She missed the feeling, this exhilaration, as she gripped the wheel. The road had already been blocked off. The patrolmen refused to let her in. Instead, she held her badge outside the window and drove onto the sidewalk.

The bank was already swarmed with police cars and swat teams. She quickly spotted a sniper on top of the swat vehicle. She got out of the car and ran towards the bank, quickly scanning for Gordon.

"Jane! Over here!" he yelled.

"What have we got? Is he here?"

"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of -."

"Doesn't matter. God, what's doing…" more shots were fired. She spotted Frankie. "It's de Guzman, huh?"

Frankie looked at Jane. "Yeah."

"Tell your men to stand down. We have to get him to talk." She demanded.

"_I'm _the one making the calls here."

"And if you keep telling them to stand by the door, they're going to get their heads blown off!"

"You don't know what you're doing." He spat out.

"You're right. I don't. But this isn't my first robbery-hostage case. Now tell your men to retreat!"

Frankie stared into Jane's stern eyes. He spoke into the radio. "Stand down."

"Do you have a visual inside?"

"No."

Jane looked at the sniper. "I'll be right back. Don't make a move until I say so."

"You let her take your job away from you?" Korsak asked.

"Forget about it." He replied.

"That's the last thing I'll do." Korsak gripped his gun. "Why aren't we going in yet?"

"She said to not do anything until she says to."

Jane climbed the swat van. "I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli."

The man sniggered. "Yeah, I know who you are."

She quickly pulled the comment off. "What's your visual?"

"Not much."

"Mind if I take a look?"

The man hesitated. Then he gave his Barrett XM500 to her. Jane looked through the scope. The inside of the bank was dark. The hostages were kept away from the doors. She slowly swiveled the gun.

"Hand me your radio." She instructed. "This Detective Jane Rizzoli. I have a visual on the suspect. Definitely de Guzman. He's – wait. He's got someone at gun point."

Jane looked at the back of de Guzman. He seemed to have yelled something at the hostages. He swung to his side to reveal the color hair of his personal hostage.

"Do you have eyes on that blond?" Jane asked. _Looks too much like a honey blond. _

"Yes we do."

De Guzman continued to move.

"There are children inside! I repeat, there are children inside!" she moved the gun once more. "He's got one of them at gun point as well!"

"What's our next move?" a voice asked through the radio.

Jane could easily take the shot. But it would be an unauthorized one. She could easily pull the trigger and shoot de Guzman, but it would mean shooting the innocent hostage. And she had no idea if and where the other robbers were.

"We need someone near the door. We can't fire unless we know if and where the other robbers are!"

"We might not have enough -."

Shots were fired.

Jane quickly looked through the scope.

"One of the kids is hit! She's bleeding! Do we have a medic?"

"On their way."

De Guzman faced the transparent door. He was mocking them; showing them who had control of the situation. Looking through the scope, Jane realized who it was de Guzman was holding onto.

Maura.

The fear in her eyes caused a volcanic eruption inside Jane. It was an all too familiar feeling. But it confused her. Jane wasn't supposed to tell like this. Not after all these years. Or was she? De Guzman pointed the gun at Maura's chest, closer to the shoulder area.

"Who is she holding?" a voice asked. "Detective Rizzoli!"

She still couldn't believe what was happening. Her thoughts interfered with the vision of reality. She couldn't say it over the radio. It would most definitely cause a frenzy. She looked back at the scope. Maura's eyes…Jane couldn't describe them. It was fear that she had once seen, another thing that was all too familiar. Her makeup had been smudged from the tears. Parts of her face were bleeding. Suddenly, a little boy was pushed to Maura's feet.

_ Johnny. My dear boy. He's so big now._

Jane was on the verge of tears. She felt as if her very few days back in Boston was like a emotional roller coaster. To see her son, after four years, nearly crushed her on so many levels. It was like -.

De Guzman knocked Johnny unconscious. He turned back to the door.

The last shot was fired moments later.

Suddenly, swat teams rushed to the building. Detectives and police officers followed them from behind. Jane quickly jumped off from the van. Her protectiveness was overpowering her. It was too strong yet it scared her. She needed to get to Maura and she needed to get there _now._

As she was running, she was tackled by Frankie.

"Let me go! I need to get over there now!" Jane yelled. "Let me go!"

"No! You're too close to this! Way closer than the team!"

"Let me go, god damn it! Let me go!"

Frankie used his techniques he learned from kick boxing class. He tightly grasped Jane while he tried to see what was going on.

It was crazy and it was hectic.

"We need a medic now!" he heard Korsak yell.

"Frankie! Let me go!"

"NO! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"

Jane ran out of energy. She broke down right on the pavement. Frankie still had his arms wrapped tightly around her. Was he squeezing too tightly because he was still angry at what she did or was it really to prevent Jane from getting to the crime scene?

He picked her up slowly just in time for Jane to see the paramedics arrive.

_My son is hurt. My…she's…Maura is hurt. And that poor little girl! Where and who are her parents?_

Jane removed Frankie's tight hold.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Where else?" she replied. "The work isn't done."

"De Guzman's dead." He stated.

"Yeah and we've still got two other suspects working with him." She stated. "Don't bother to stop me."

Frankie watched Jane was back to her car. He missed Jane, especially on duty. Her will to keep going was always an inspiration to him. But she was right, he had to admit. The work isn't done.

In fact, for Jane, the _real _work had only just begun.

This would be a day to remember.


	16. Old Fling, meet New Fling

Sixteen

1:10 pm

Jane followed the sirens. She didn't think it through, nor did she ask herself why she decided to follow the ambulance. The other detectives followed, only ten minutes behind. They spoke on the radio, deciding where to go and what to do next. The kept spitting words at each other like hot potatoes. But Jane couldn't focus on them. How could she? What Maura was now in her life…whatever is left of them…the love of…no, _Maura _was fighting for her life. To top it off, _her own son, her own flesh and blood_, could have suffered from severe brain injuries. And who could forget that little girl? _Why bring her into this? Her parents must be terrified right now._

But who was Jane at the moment? Was she Detective Jane Rizzoli, the one who protects and serves, or was she plain Jane?

She parked her car a few hundred meters from the building. She watched the ambulance doors open and paramedics rush out. Then she saw Maura. Jane clenched her fist. Maura laid unconscious on the gurney. The blood consumed her blouse. A tube had been inserted in her mouth and then she disappeared into the hospital.

The next ambulance came in. _Is it Johnny or the little girl?_ The doors opened and another set of medics rushed out. Jane held her breath, although her lungs gasped for air from seeing Maura. The gurney was pulled out. It was the little girl.

"God, I need to find her parents." Jane mumbled. She picked up her phone and called Gordon.

"Yeah? We're almost there." He replied.

"Good. Uh, did you get everyone's names?"

"Detective Korsak has it. You should call him." He said quietly.

"Alright…see you in a bit."

_Shit. Call Korsak? That's a death sentence. _

Her instincts told her to call. To make progress with at least finding whom that child belonged to. Jane watched the gurney enter the building and called Korsak.

"Detective Korsak speaking."

_Oh fuck my life. _"It's Ja- Detective Rizzoli. Do you have a list of everyone's names from the bank?"

"Yeah, I do." He replied coldly.

"Okay. There was a girl. A little girl. Are her parents near or something? I just need to get a hold of them…"

"Oh…" he began." On the other line, Korsak stared at Frankie.

"What?" Frankie asked.

"It's Detective Rizz – Jane!"

"Aw for fucks sake. What does she want?"

"She wants to know one of the names of victims…" he said quickly.

"Then tell her."

"No…she wants the name of the little girl."

It was Frankie's turn to be left speechless. "She doesn't know, does she?"

"I don't…" Korsak's voice cracked. "What the hell do I tell her? 'Oh, you're back in Boston now? Well, damn it, get lost! Oh by the way, the name that you're asking for? Yeah, that's your daughter.' I'm not sayin' that!"

Frankie shook his head. "No no no! This…all this is too much. For us. For her. Especially Jane. What we need to do first is keep working the case." He punched Korsak on the chest. "You hear me? Finish the case! Don't tell her…well, don't saw we have names."

"But I told her we have the list!"

"Korsak! Crap. Tell her we can't disclose names right now. We'll 'verify' them. I don't know! Just buy us more time!"

Korsak nodded and returned to the phone. "Detective Rizzoli, we'll need to verify and call their families first. We'll discuss this once we've reached the hospital." The line went dead.

_Jeez._

The last ambulance arrived. Jane got out of her car as the gurney was being pulled out. He too lay unconscious. He was in a neck brace and small amounts of blood trickled down his face. She held onto the hood of the car, like an old man with a cane. Her knee buckled.

"Johnny," she whispered. She sat by the front left wheel of the car, unable to keep the relapse away. Heavy tears fell from her eyes. She dug on the inside pocket of her jacket, quickly rummaging to her _best friend and worst enemy. _She took out the blade, about an inch long, pulled up her sleeves to reveal the previous scars. Jane cried more at the memories. She hovered her hand over her arm, feeling the mountains scars. She placed the blade on her wrist, ready to make a large cut, but was stopped when she heard doors slamming nearby. Jane panicked. She returned the blade in her pocket, covered her arm, and wiped her face. She stood up and saw the other detectives.

"Hey!" Gordon said. "What were you doing on the ground?"

"Don't worry about it." She replied. Frankie, Frost, and Korsak noticed the all too familiar yet rare tears in her eyes. Their heats twisted in confusion. Anger, betrayal, and hatred mixed up with joy, sympathy, and relief. As a brother, he felt the need to smack Jane once more and then comfort her from today's events. But he reminded himself; _work first_.

"I'll go find us a meeting room." Frost said. He left and gave Jane a stare; the second one since her arrival.

"I'll come too." Korsak said. "You too, rookie." Gordon soon followed.

Jane stared at the emergency room. Her only thoughts were her son and…wife? Ex-wife, were inside the hospital.

_Am I Detective Jane Rizzoli or plain Jane?_

Frankie began to speak, but was interrupted when Jane entered her car.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Gotta check on a few things," she lied. "I'll be back."

He watched her drive off, hoping she actually meant her last statement.

ˣˣ

2:40 pm

In short, everyone but Tanner was there. It wasn't because they didn't want him there, though that would be the case for a selective few, but it was because everyone simply forgot. And as lame as it was, that was the truth. Tanner hadn't registered as _immediate_ family, therefore, was not included.

Angela, her sons, daughter in laws, and grandkids took up the entire waiting room, in fact, the people who were previously there, was forced to move to another location. The room remained stale, breathless, and raging with silence. The clock ticked louder than the tock and every time Angela looked at the clock and watched the water drop from the drinking fountain, time remained the same. It had been almost several years since Angela experienced _this_, years since anyone in her family got shot… since Jane… But this time was different. It's always different, even if the effect was the same. Angela's leg kept twitching. Her grandkids were fighting for their life and she could do absolutely nothing about it. The warmth of her body drained with every breath. Every second was a blistering mimic to her ears. Almost everything and nothing could distract her. The tight squeeze from Sydney, light hugs from Dakota, and motions of comfort from Tommy could not overcome the worry and fear that strangled Angela's heart.

The door opened. Angela's neck propped toward the sound of rusted screws.

"Frankie," she gasped. She got up and rang to hug him. "How are they?" Her voice continued to tremble.

"I don't know ma. Maura's still in surgery. They're still working on Arissa, but last I heard about Johnny is that he's being prepped to go to ICU."

Angela's tears poured out. "Oh God. Why does this happen?" She looked at Frankie, "Did you…did you get the guy who…"

"Ma, leave that to me." He checked his watch. "Look, I gotta go meet up with Korsak, Frost, and the other detective."

"Did you see -." She began.

"Yeah, ma." Frankie replied. His emotions were ready to blow. "She was…she…I tried…she saw everything."

Angela's eyes grew kind. "Oh…is she…"

"Ma, I gotta go. I got work to do." He said. "I'll call you if anything…you know. Call me if they reach you, okay?"

ˣˣ

Jane is always running; even when she's standing, watching TV, sleeping, or driving. She's always running. Running from the things she can't handle, running from her own faults, running from anything that reflects her failure. But that's a good thing about Jane. She's always running. Always running when her name is called, running because she'd take a bullet for anyone, running because it's in her blood to protect.

Jane drove on the outskirts of Quincy, hoping to find the old bar she used to go to in her patrol years. _Maybe, just maybe_, news of her return remained on the down low and that it would be easier for her to slip in, drink a few rounds, and slip out. But boy was she wrong. As she exited from the freeway, everywhere she looked, people held the latest newspaper. She saw multiple nods in disgrace. Even one brick wall was covered in anti-Jane posters.

_God damn._

If she got out of her car, she'd easily be recognized. She's most likely risk getting herself swarmed by hundreds of angry pedestrians. She deserved it though. But as for today's events, no one would give sympathy to her. No one would feel any remorse. And yet, deep inside, Jane knew they had every right to treat her that way.

ˣˣ

3:55 pm

Angela's leg grew restless almost half an hour ago, causing her to get up and pace around the room. She tried to seek comfort and distraction by carrying one of her other grandkids, but the anxiety overpowered it.

Suddenly, the door opened. Frankie popped his head in.

"Guys! Maura's out of surgery! Doc said to keep the group small, so we'll take turns."

"What about…" Angela began.

"They're next door to Maura's. Come on!"

The entire Rizzoli family got up and cleared away. Angela's hair grew tall.

_Four years since I walked this same hall_, she thought.

Frankie led them through multiple hallways, desks, and doors. He directed everyone to split up. Maura's door was slightly opened. Angela peeked a little before opening it completely. She covered her mouth with her hand and walked to Maura. She didn't know what to do or what she was allowed to do. She didn't know the extent of the damage. She didn't know anything.

Tears rained down her face once more. Frankie tightened his hug and released it lightly when there was a knock on the door.

"Hello. I'm Dr. Anton." He shook their hands. "I'm the one who work on Maura and her two kids."

"How is…" Angela choked on her words.

"She will survive this, although the bullet hit a part of her major lung and muscles. Depending on her recovering, she may or may not require therapy for the right arm. As for your grandkids," he looked at the iPad, "Arissa was hit in the arm, through and through. She'll make it and we expect her to be in therapy once she's up and running. As for Johnny, no bullets for him, however a blow o his head from the back of the gun was so strong that it caused a slight swelling. We're doing surveillance on him, but he too, should make a full recovery."

Angela nodded in relief. "When should…Maura wake up?"

"If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow morning. If you will excuse me, I have other patients to attend to. If you need anything, feel free to press the button. Our nurses will answer right away."

Angela turned to Maura and grabbed her hand. "Sweetie, we're here. Arissa and Johnny are next door. They're going to be okay."

"Ma…maybe we should switch with Tommy?"

Angela nodded. She kissed Maura's forehead and left. They walked quietly out into the hall, turned, and entered the room.

"Daddy, why isn't Arissa waking up?" Dylan asked.

'She's," Tommy cleared his throat. "She's sleeping. We have to be quiet so she can rest."

"Hey Tommy," Frankie hugged his brother. "How are they?"

"They're just…laying there. Heather explained the machines. Dr. Anton came in for a second and said they'd make a full recovery. How's Maura?"

"…the same. You guys go ahead. We'll switch rooms."

Tommy gathered his kids, marching the out as quiet as possible. He turned to Angela and gave her a tight hug. "Everything will be find, ma. They're strong."

Frankie walked to Arissa first, examining everything he could. Her light brunette curls no longer twisted, but instead, went on a straight pathway. Her eyes closed in exhaustion while her chest rigidly rose and fell. Her lip and been split, her arm wrapped in layers of bandages and a cast. For a four year old, she'd gone through what most kids her age aren't supposed to go through. He moved to Johnny. The amount of swelling described from Dr. Anton was not what Frankie saw, in fact, it was much worse.

Angela took a hold of Sydney. She helped the elder woman regain the strength of her legs. Frankie retreated to his mom, guided her to a chair, and handed her a cup of water.

"This is too much, Frankie. I can't imagine what would happen if Maura won't -."

"Ma!" Frankie whispered loudly. "Don't think like that! She's going to make it, oaky? So will Johnny. And so will Arissa." His phone rang. "Look, it's Korsak. I gotta go. Call me if anything happens."

"Where are you going, though?"

"Finish this case. I think one of the suspect is back at the precinct, but I'm not sure. Call me, okay?"

"I will." Angela replied. Frankie leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"Take care of her will you?" he asked his fiancé.

"Of course. You too, hun. Take care of yourself. It's been a long day for _all_ of us." She kissed Frankie and watched him leave.

ˣˣ

Someone had recognized her. And it was apparent because it started with one man sitting on a bench. He was reading the newspaper, just like everyone else. Jane's car was parked across from him and next to a liquor store. _She needed a drink and she needed one badly._ But how could she get out of the car, looking the way she looked? Anyone could spot Jane from miles away just by seeing her trademark hair, stance, and walk. Sunglasses wouldn't hide her. _But she really needed that drink. _She quickly took off her jacket and slipped on her aviators, hoping she wouldn't give off her Detective Rizzoli look. She ran to the store, grabbed her drink, showed the store clerk the bottle, threw $100 on the counter, and ran back to her car. And it must have been that very man across the street who noticed first. Because as Jane entered her car, paper bag in hand, the man across the street kept glancing at the newspaper and back to Jane. And soon enough, one glance; one man, turned into two, three, four, ten, twenty; a crowd. They brought it to the point where they took their phones out and began taking pictures. For all Jane knew, she could be trending on Twitter at this very moment.

"Aw what the heck." She said. "I can't control the press." She rolled her window down, popped her head out, and stared at the growing crowds. She waved and watched their jaws drop. She drove off, drink in hand, and laughed. "I really shouldn't be drinking." As she placed the bag under her seat, her phone rang.

"Rizzoli."

"Come back at the hospital!" Gordon said. "Detective Korsak decided to do the interrogations at the hospital. Seventh floor, two halls down, on your left." He hung up.

_I know where the god damn room is._

ˣˣ

4:20 pm

Gordon and Frankie waited by the lobby. It was so Frankie could learn more about his sister's whereabouts even though it seemed like he was asking about his personal life.

Jane pulled up with her car, completely ignoring the handicap parking sign.

"Why are you here? You told me where the room was."

"Just wanted to make sure you got to the right place." Gordon replied. He noticed the very feint smell of alcohol.

"Yeah, well, I'm here, so I'll meet you up there."

Gordon nodded. "See you then." Frankie didn't mutter a word. She watched the two men walk into the building.

Anxiety sneaked into her system once more. Four years. The paralyzing number. Four years since the accident. Four years since she walked out of those very doors and disappeared. She looked at the automatic sliding doors. She knew _everyone _she left was inside. _Everyone._ Maura. Johnny. Angela. Tommy. And that little girl.

"Damn it." Jane said, after realizing that she hadn't gotten a hold of the little girl's family. She shook it off, took a breath in, and walked into the hospital.

The familiar smell is what struck Jane first. It was the last thing she remembered before leaving. She walked towards the elevator, remembering the last time she had pressed that same exact number. She pressed her back against the cold railing and waited. Once the doors opened, she could see herself form four years ago, pushing everyone aside just to get to Maura. The tension in the air was solid. She walked out the elevator and instantly saw the room where Maura was four years ago…where she met her son for the first time. She passed the first hall and saw Frankie. He was talking to someone, but Jane couldn't see who it was. The two made unemotional eye contact. Soon, Frankie excited the room and caught up with Jane. They didn't talk for the rest of the way. They wanted to say talk yet at the same time didn't want to. Jane opened the door, revealing the interrogation room. Frost, Gordon, and Korsak interviewed the two suspects.

"You stay here." Frankie instructed. He noticed Jane's jaw tightening. He entered the room and sat next to Frost.

Gordon took the lead. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

The two men remained silent.

"Where is the money going to?" Frost asked.

"De Guzman is head, which it rightfully what he deserves. But you two can still serve a shorter sentence." Korsak chimed in. "Where is the money going to?"

The lighter skinned man spoke. "Do you have a family?" he looked at the detectives. "Then you must know what it's like to constantly provide? De Guzman only did what he did because he hated how the government works. He stole from the government to take back what us middle class need."

"So where is the money going to?"

"To a better future." The other suspect smiled.

"What you're saying is, you're not going to tell us?"

"Indeed_, detective_. By now, the money has been sent and most likely being used. We go behind bars and the money go on to the future. It goes on _to protect_."

Frankie got up. "You two. Up on your feet." He reached for his hand cuffs. "You are going down for a _very l_ong time."

All five men walked out the room. Jane leaned against the wall, still processing the interview, the leads, and so on. For Jane, this was too easy. This was too easy to the point where they were definitely missing something.

Frankie walked by and said, "I gotta go back to…Maura…and Ma. Just to check up on them."

She nodded once more. "I'll be out…somewhere…across the street or something." Jane exited the room. Instead of going to the way she entered, she went on the fire escape instead and went to the roof.

She was in no mood to eat and stare at bypassers. She probably couldn't even get across the street without getting attacked with stares. The roof would do good, for now.

ˣˣ

4:30 pm

"Hey ma." Frankie entered Maura's room.

Angela tried to smile. "Hi…how's the case?"

"They didn't take the change to give up information. We'll have a judge do the rest. How's Maura and the kids?"

"Not much. They haven't moved."

Frankie nodded. He allowed the silence to submerge in between them.

"I saw Jane." She stated. She continued to look at Maura. "She looks thin."

Not knowing what to say, Frankie nodded.

"I think we should go, Frankie. From the looks of it, they'll wake up when we've fallen asleep or tomorrow morning."

"Okay. Did you tell Tommy?"

"I did. And I called Tanner as well. He deserves to know…"

"Oh…okay." He gently shook his fiancé, who sat next to Angela. Once she woke up, they met up with Tommy out in the hall. As a group, they said their early good nights and left, not knowing if their decision was a good one.

ˣˣ

7:15 pm

Tanner walked quickly to the hospital. He didn't even lock his car. His hair was still ruffled form jolting up like a lightning bolt as he checked his phone.

_"Maura is in the hospital along with Arissa and Johnny. We just left. Only got the chance to say not. Get there ASAP. –Angela."_

At first, he felt angry and let out that he wasn't one of the first to be notified. He _was_ part of the family, right? He shrugged the thought off. He needed to get to Maura.

His heart quivered as he stepped inside the elevator. He hadn't felt this much anxiety for almost years. Tanner ignored the nurses. He passed by every hall and door. He knew this would be the room. It was the only one left on this end. He turned at the corner and found a dark haired woman. She looked serious, lost, and hurt. Her eye brows lurked forward and her arms were crossed. _The woman was looking at Maura._

Tanner stood beside the woman, while taking in the sight of Maura. The woman gave a weak smile. They stood in silence, both feeling tangled with emotion.

"Do you know her?" Tanner asked.

The woman thought for a moment. He clearly was not alarmed of her presence. _He must have not read the newspaper today._

"Yeah I do."

Tanner nodded. "I'm Tanner Ryans." He took out his hand.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli." She didn't shake his hand.

"Oh…detective? Are you two colleagues?"

"Former…how do you know her?"

Tanner ignored the question. Looking at Maura's unconscious body left him deaf. He turned around and faced Arissa and Johnny's room. He put his hand on the window, seeking support. He felt his heart being cut open by a chainsaw.

_Who would do this?_

Tanner turned around and said, "I was going to propose to her today."

_Propose? What the hell? Who is this guy? _Jane unfolded her arms and stiffened her posture.

"Propose?" _Maura's seeing someone? I need to get to know this fucking guy._

"Do you know how she got here?" Jane asked.

"No, I don't."

"There's a room we can talk nearby. Why don't you tell me about yourself and I'll fill you in on the details."

"I think…I think that's a good idea. Yeah…show me the way, detective."

Jane led him to the room, thinking on hyper mod. She was most definitely pissed. _No one_ was going to take her child or Maura away from her.


	17. Tanner, you are the Father

Seventeen

7:35 pm

_I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli. Not Jane. Not citizen Jane. Not Jane that used to live in Boston, but Detective Jane Rizzoli._

She had to remind herself multiple times. She could have easily thrown Tanner against the wall and jab her gun against his chest. But that wouldn't be right. That wouldn't be fair. And as Jane waited silently for Tanner to regain his mental grasp, she placed her clasped hands on the table, and as far away from her gun as possible, hoping to not do any harm. She stared at Tanner, exemplifying a typical American. His chestnut brown eyes contracted with his light brown hair. She could count the freckles on his face and wondered how the hell he and Maura met.

"Tanner," Jane said. The name tasted bitter as it echoed out her mouth. "Let's just…how do you know Maura? You said you were going to," Jane gulped, "_propose _to her. That's a big step."

"It is. I'm ready to take that step," he hesitated, "again."

"Again?" _What the fuck. Again?_

"Yeah…but it's a long story. You probably don't want to hear it."

Sternly, Jane replied, "I've got all night."

"Oh," he cleared his throat, "Okay. Uh, five years ago, my…wife…got pregnant. Twins in fact. We were so happy…you know. We were at the early stages of our marriage and we wanted kids! Then boom! Twins! But we were also just starting out. Our jobs wouldn't have been able to support all four of us I took multiple shifts at work. Sometimes I'd work for three days straight. It still wasn't enough." He paused. "So we turned to sperm…donating. Apparently, I have most of the desirable traits," he laughed nervously, "You would not believe how much money people will pay for sperm…"

_Actually I do. I know it well. _The instantaneous reply nearly shocked Jane. Bundles of adrenaline pumped through her, eventually calming her into a memorable haze.

_"Maur! I love you and all, but I don't want…some person coming here for the sake of…having sex with you just so we can have a baby!"_

_ "I can see your point. And it-."_

_ "Look," Jane wrapped her arms around her wife. "It seems the most natural thing to do. In fact, it is. You've got everything you need. But you doing this is like me giving you permission to…be intimate with someone else. I…I don't want to be out of the house thinking 'Oh God, Maura's having sex with someone.'"_

_ "But…" she thought about it. She tried not to pout her way through this. Weighing out Jane's input and her desperation was the necessary move. The ultimate goal was to have a baby, but did it mean breaking her vows, her promise, just to do so? Was it worth giving he body to some stranger? She looked into Jane's eyes for some sort of direction. After all, it would be Maura who would carry the child. She grabbed her laptop and went on Google._

_ "Okay, I won't do that…You're right." Jane smiled proudly. "Anyways, it's a very uncomforting feeling. I don't want you to feel-." She was interrupted by a smashing and succulent kiss._

_ Jane looked deeply into Maura's eyes, full of relief and said, "Thank you… thank you thank you thank you!"_

_ "Now another option. We can always have a sperm donor. I know several websites and places where we can look at. Like this one!" Maura clicked on the first link._

_ "Maur, are these legit sites? They're not some wacko's sperm, right?" Jane looked disgusted._

_ "Jane, look." She pointed at the certification. "It's as real as it gets. Now sit, love. We have some profiling to do!"  
>Jane laughed at her wife's dorkiness. She couldn't help but to smile. Maura clicked on the first profile.<br>"Jeremy Sanchez, 21, college stu-._

_ "He's too young." Jane said. "Waaay to young. Next!"_

_ "But Jane!"_

_ "Next one, Maur!"_

_ "Fine…" she clicked on the next profile. "Karl Muller, 34, astrophysicist, married with kids."_

_ "What the hell is an astro-whatever?"_

_ "Astrophysicist. They study the universe, for your simple terms." Maura smiled._

_ 'No no no. Next!"_

_ "Jane!"_

_ "Maura, please. His occupation is well…I don't know what it is." Jane shrugged her shoulders. "Next!"_

_ "Hm."_

_ "What?"_

_ "This is odd."_

_ "What is it?"_

_ "This one doesn't have a name. But he's 32, newly wed with twins on the way and they could really use the money. Look! He works for Medicines San Frontiers!"_

_ "Meda whatta?"_

_ "It's another name for Doctor's Without Boarders."_

_ "Oh." Jane nodded. Ian Falkner's face appeared in her mind. "Cool."_

_ "It also says he's worked all over the world especially Europe. He has a degree in health sciences at MIT and Harvard!"_

_ "Any conclusions why he's anonymous?" Jane winked._

_ "Perhaps this is strictly for money. They are willing to donate in order to gain what they need. It's clear they don't want any relation to the child."_

_ This is what Jane wanted. No real intimacy involved. All they needed was the other half of the ingredients to make it work. They'd meet up with the specialist, tell them the donor they've selected, and get on with the procedure. This would definitely not involve any guy, in terms of physical contact. Nothing would be entering anything and Jane could relax. No photo, no name, and a number for their lawyer meant Jane approved._

_ "That's our guy, Maur. That's our-."_

_ "Wait! Let me read his phenotype!" she scrolled down. "Brown hair, blue-green eyes, tall and athletic."_

_ Jane nodded again. "Let's call his lawyer!"_

_ "Wait! Why him? Why him and not the astrophysicist or the college student?"_

_ "That Sanchez kid is too young, Maur. Muller…I don't want any dependents on our guy."_

_ "What difference does it make with Muller and the anonymous guy?" Maura asked. "He's married with twins on the way!"_

_ "Yea…but we're helping out this guy, this family! He, er, they need money and we want a baby. It's a win-win situation!"_

"So we went through the whole process. My wife and I never actually met the couple. But they needed two sets of sperm from me…"

_Fuck._

"We got our money…we had everything made and settled in the house. We even had little play sets built into their room!" Tears began to fall down his face. "Then…one night, life tripped and did a million twists and turns. I lost my wife and kids."

The last statement threw Jane off track.

"My entire life changed because of reckless teenagers. I had to bury my wife and kids a week later. I left home, leaving everything I've worked for, even my 'two other kids' if you get my drift."

_If this Tanner is the guy we found on the internet…_

_ Oh shit._

She had to ask. "I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I have to ask…what's your occupation?"

"I work at Medicine San Frontiers…" he said. "It's…"

_Doctor's Without Boarders_

_ Shit. Strike one._

If Jane's calculations were accurate, Tanner would not have been in Boston at the tragic time of his life.

"Tanner, where were you living when your wife passed?" Jane asked quietly. "Where were you five years ago?"

"D.C. I, er, we were living in D.C."

_Strike two. He wasn't at Boston, therefore he knows nothing about Maura and I. He knows nothing of our connection. _Jane mumbled questions inside her head. The last question would tie it all together.

"Have you met your…'_kid_' yet?"

"I have." His eyes turned red. "They're…"

_Please don't say in the hospital. Please don't say Johnny's name._

"…in the hospital. Both of them."

_Strike three._

_ Both of them? Maura has two kids?_

"Both? Can I get a name?"

_Please don't say Johnny. Please don't say Johnny._

"Johnny and Arissa."

_Arissa? What the hell?_

"They're your kids?Er…biologi – sperm donor?" Jane asked. She forced the words out. "You found who used your sperm?"

"Yeah…"

"Wait. Let me get this straight. You donate sperm, leave and work out of the country, manage to track who used your sperm, and now you're planning on getting married to the mother of…"she tried to say, "_your kids_?"

_Keep playing detective, Jane…keep playing detective._

"Crazy story, huh?" he said, "but it's the truth. Biologically, they're mine. I provided the sperm."

Jane simply nodded. Did the process work? Did both eggs work or did Maura get pregnant afterwards?

"So what happened?" Tanner asked. "Why are they here?"

Jane grasped her hands, tighter than ever. Today was too damn emotional. She'd witness Maura and her son getting shot. Then working with Boston PD, with Frankie, death glares from Korsak and Frost, the little girl, finding out that Tanner is the anonymous guy they found five years ago. This was all too much. She'd just met face to face with the sperm donor of _her _child.

This was too damn much.

"Bank robbery." Jane said. "They were simply at the wrong place and at the wrong time."

"Oh…" he replied.

"Then a hostage situation took place. Now we're…"

Tanner nodded. It was all he could do. Both he and Jane were broken on so many levels. They could relate yet their past stories wouldn't be able to puzzle together.

"Can we see Maura now?"

The sound of Maura's name jolted Jane's heart. "Yeah, I'll walk you there."

They exited the room and walked down the hall. They remained silent. Jane's heels click on the ground, a constant reminder of being in reality. They turned to the room, pausing in front of the window. Together, they stared at Maura. Her color looked replenished and it seemed as if she regained a part of her strength.

Jane faced Johnny's room. Through the narrow slips of the blinds, she saw Johnny and not too far from him, Arissa. Both slept sound fully, in fact, Arissa looked like Maura.

_She smiles in her sleep…like Maura._

Jane couldn't comprehend the news of Maura's daughter.

_When did it happen? My son has a sister now?_

She turned back towards Maura's window.

"I'm going inside." Tanner said eyes full of hunger. Jane nodded. Her heart crumpled in pain. It was supposed to be _her_ who should be waiting by her bedside. She watched tanner open the door and slowly walk towards Maura. She could hear everything he said.

"Maura," he whispered, "I'm here. He kissed her forehead and hands. "I'm here. I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier." Tanner caressed her cheek. Maura reacted and Jane could almost scratch the walls out with her nails.

_She's waking up._

"Maura?" Tanner said. Maura began to move her head. "Maura!" then she slowly opened her eyes. "Oh god, Maura. Thank goodness." He put his entire weight on Maura, nearly crushing her.

"Oww…" she muffled softly. He kissed her all over. He couldn't help it. And Jane wanted to turn away. Tanner reached for something in his pocket. Jane gripped her gun. He took out a small box.

"Maura, I love you. I waited for your call all day. Today made me realize how unexpected life can be. Maura, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise Johnny and Arissa with you. Maura, will you marry me?"

It's like a flash bomb exploded in front of her. Jane lost all sense of feeling in her leg. Her fists unclenched, shoulders relaxed, and her breaths were paused. Rage soon filtered into her.

_Don't say yes…don't accept it._

Maura kept blinking. Jane didn't know if she heard Tanner of if she was thinking about it. She tried to move her head and managed to do so. Then, Maura made eye contact with Jane. Jane stared back, not knowing what to do. Jane recognized the look on Maura's face. She could clearly see the confusion, hatred, and anger illuminating through her green eyes. What seemed like forever, only lasted a few seconds.

_Is that Jane?_

Slowly, she tried to maneuver herself up. Confused tears trickled fown her face. She looked once more at the figure outside the room.

_It is Jane._

"Maura?" Tanner said. Only now was she aware of his presence. "Will you marry me?"

She looked at Tanner and then to Jane.

_Jane is really back…she's really back._

Jane's heart began to race again. She saw tears forming around Maura's eyes. It tore her apart.

"Maura!" she heard Tanner from the room. "Will you marry me?"

Jane, while looking at Maura, started walking away from the room. She walked a few more steps before turning her back completely, not knowing if she could ever return again.


	18. Detective Mom

Eighteen

_She was falling through an eclipse of darkness. Clouds, bats, and rain was all there was. She tried to hold onto something, anything, but there was nothing. She just wanted someone to catch her, to hold her, to tell her everything would be alright. But she kept falling. Her hands felt the friction of the stale air. There was absolutely nothing to hold onto. Nothing physical._

_ Then in the midst of the darkness, a ray of light began to slowly blind her. She saw a tall figure. Long wavy hair, broad shoulders, and heard a voice. It was a raspy voice, one she could easily identify._

_ "Hold on. Stay strong. Stay strong for us. Stay strong for the kids."_

_ As she held out her hand, the tall figure's voice began to drift further away. But she had to fight. She had to hold on. That voice was worth fighting to hear, even if it only meant one more time. She began to frantically wave her hands. Pressure in her lungs began to build up until –_

Maura jolted up. She placed her hand over her chest.

_It's beating too fast._

Finally fully conscious, Maura laid down, trying to recollect her thoughts. Her hands were cold, oddly cold for such a heated room. She scratched her head and remembered.

_Jane_. In her dream, she was fighting for _Jane._

Confused, Maura altered herself upward. Her thoughts damaged her. She'd been angry, lost, and sad, but at the same time, her heart jumped for joy.

It was a battle between her heart and mind.

She felt the color of her face disappear. The overwhelming dream caused her to hyperventilate.

Suddenly, out in the hallway, she heard Angela's voice.

"I made her some food!" she yelled.

Frankie's voice chimed in. "I better not ask then…"

"Oh, of course I made some for Johnny and Arissa.!" Then they walked in, "Maura!" Angela slammed her lunchbox onto Frankie's chest. Soon enough, she was wrapped in the tight arms of Angela.

"How are you, sweetie? Does anything hurt? Do you need medicine? Do you want me to call the nurses?"

The questions startled Maura. Luckily for her, Frankie turned to Maura and said, "I'm so glad you're awake. I could sleep much last night."

Maura softly replied, "Traumatic events can cause major interruptions in a person's sleep cycle."

_Don't talk about Jane. Don't talk about Jane._

_ Talk about Tanner. Talk about the proposal._

_ Don't tell her you saw Jane._

Angela smiled. "Already doing your facts -."

"I saw Jane." She blurted out.

_Why did I say that?_

The smile disappeared from Angela's face slowly.

"You too?" she asked. "When did you see her?"

"Last night…when Tanner was here. She was outside the door."

"Did you talk?"

"No…we…she…we just…stared. Then she left."

_Typical of her, _Angela thought. "What el-."

"Tanner proposed to me as well." _Why am I blurting things out?_

Angela's eyes grew wide. "Did you…" _Please say no._

"I didn't reply."

"Oh." _Should I urge her? But I hate the guy! _"Why didn't you reply?"

"Uh, Jane…" she said, "Jane was there. I couldn't…I…it was a difficult day yesterday as you can imagine."

Angela nodded. "Do you want to? Do you want to get married to him?"

"I…"

"Do you love him?"

"I love certain things about him."

"Is it enough?"

_No. _"For now."

It was a lie Angela could detect. It wasn't the obvious truth, but she knew Maura did not feel entirely the same way as Tanner did.

Angela moved to get the food from the lunchbox.

"Here. I made enough for everyone." She smiled.

The smell devoured the entire room, causing Maura to surge for the fork. Frankie knocked on the door.

"Hey. The kids are still asleep." He checked his watch. "I gotta get to work. See you in a bit, okay?"

"See you, sweetheart. Take care."

"Thanks ma. You too, Maura. See you in a bit."

"Jane looks thinner." Angela said.

_Why are we talking about this? _"Yeah…wait. When did _you_ see her?"

"I saw her yesterday. She was on the way to who knows where."

"She looks, er, looked sick. Her skin was pale. She was shaking quite a bit too. Maybe early stages of rhinophyma?" Maura said. "I think she's suffering from alcoholism."

"Oh…" _Don't say anything you'll regret. _"What's going to happen now? What are _you_ going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Now that she's back…"

She struggled with the fact that Jane was back. It was like a teenager hearing a chore command and having a much delayed reaction. _What am I going to do?_

"Perhaps she'll return to wherever she came from." _I hope she doesn't. I…I have so much to do…so much to say…_

"Do you want her to go?"

"Do you?" Maura asked quickly.

"Yes and no."

It was the answer neither one of them wanted to admit reasons to.

"What about you?" Angela asked.

Maura shrugged her shoulders, not trusting herself to answer.

_I never wanted her to disappear from my life._

ˣˣ

"Here's your coffee." Frost said as he handed the cup to Korsak.

"Thanks." He took a sip and said. "Hell of a week."

"Yeah it is. This damn case and plus the other one. It's like our jobs don't -."

"I meant about…Maura…and…Jane."

Frost _did not_ want to talk about Jane. He focused his eyes on the computer screen and began to type.

"Never thought I'd see her again." Korsak spoke out loud. "Four years…we couldn't find any records of her."

Frost grunted.

"I don't know if I'm mad or relieved or both."

"That makes the two of us." Frost replied. He listed his hands for the keyboard and crossed her arms. "Who leaves their newborn and wife?" he got up, suddenly furious. "How the hell does one just pick up their things and leave without notice?"

"How do you think Maura feels?"

"Same thing we're feeling. But a billion times worse."

Gordon walked in.

"Have you seen Jane, er, Detective Rizzoli?"

"Left a message on the desk. She'll be here in a few."

"Alright. Thanks." He looked around the room. "Nice layout you got here. The one back at home is all clumped and dusty.

"Home? What's that like? What's working with Detective Rizzoli like?"

"She's…she's one of the best. She puts her work before everything and finishes the job."

"Does she talk about family?" Korsak asked.

Gordon shook his head. "No, she doesn't. I barely know anything about her, 'cept for Hoyt. She doesn't share much."

"Must be hard to trust her then."

"Yeah…it is. But you learn. She has this vibe about her. You'll know that she'll have your back."

Realization hit Frost.

_That's what I felt. She wouldn't share much when we first met. But she always had my back. _"Oh…works out for some people I guess." Frost replied quickly. "Frankie…and Detective Rizzoli are downstairs…well…never mind. Let's go."

Gordon looked towards Korsak. "What are we doing now?"

"Following up on the case. This is what we call rest period. After the victim has had the time to heal, we gather any further information."

"Got it." He replied. "Mind if I ride with you."

Korsak replied heavily. "Yeah. I guess. See you there Frost?"

Usually, Jane loved this part of the case. It was the last stretch before returning home; the closing moments of the case, the last hundred meters of a race. But hell, what _did she _like about this case? Most likely nothing and everything. And in this moment, as Jane drove toward the hospital, she wanted to feel the rough alcohol run down her throat. The bottle underneath her seat yelled out her name. She could hear it. She could've easily rummaged her hand under the seat and take multiple shots.

_I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli. I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli._

She had to remind herself every second. The situation was different. The stakes, whatever they were, bore high risks. Everything in itself would cause strong ripple effect to the next action. And Jane didn't know how far or how strong the ripples would be.

The decision had been made while Jane drove back to the precinct. She saw Frankie parked near the exit. With a nod, he ignited his engine and zoomed off. The three remaining detectives followed. Jane sighed and did the same. And as Jane passed each intersection, she knew she's face everyone again. But this time, there would be direct talking involved. It all depended on Frankie, however, since he truly led the case. It would be his decision whether or not he's let Jane conduct the interview or simply watch on the side.

Jane gripped her steering wheel, tighter than usual. At the red light, Frankie pulled on the driver's side. He opened his window and waited for Jane to do the same.

"You're leading the interview." He yelled. "You call the shots!"

Jane could see a slight smile on the edge of his lips.

_He's doing this on purpose._

Once the light turned green, he zoomed off, leaving smoke and tire track behind him. Fear and agitation immediately sweated through Jane's fingers. Frankie dropped the ultimate bomb; a bomb signaling either a fresh start or a permanent ending.

Jane parked as far away from the rest of the team as possible. She met up with the guys, forming a circle, and said, "We'll separate into groups. Well, actually," she looked at Frost, "_you _and Gordon…" she trailed off. "Let's just head inside first."

She walked towards the building and said to herself, _what the hell Rizzoli? Can't even say her name?_ They squished inside the elevator in silence.

_Here we go again._

They walked at different paces. It just proved that they no longer worked in unison, in rhythm. Not like old times.

"I'll sit this one out." Frankie announced. Gordon looked confused. Frost and Korsak nodded. Jane simply stood there. She knew why he had to sit out. He was too close to Maura, even as a detective. But wasn't Jane as well? Shouldn't that be an opportunity for Jane to get a ticket out? _Of course not_. Her own chief didn't know. Her own chief didn't know her reason for being in Florida. And if the chief doesn't know, the word does not exist.

"Gordon, you're with me." She left for the kid's room before they could object. She walked in front of the window and peeked in. Johnny sat straight up and played with his toys while Arissa read several books. Jane strained her eyes to see the title of the book and instantly recognized it.

_What the hell? Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince? _

"Can you handle kids, Gordon?" she asked. _Can I handle this?_

"There's always a first for everything." He replied. He held out the doo.

_Now or never, _Jane thought. She took a breath and walked inside the room. Arissa was the first to notice.

"Uh…hi." Jane said. "I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli." She pointed to Gordon. "This is Detective Jeffrey Gordon."

Arissa paused as she remembered the birth certificate.

Jane and Arissa stared at each other.

It was Johnny who broke the silence. He got down from the bed and walked towards the detectives.

"Whoa, whoa. Should you be standing up?" Gordon asked.

"No, but mommy always said to be police when I meet new people." He took out his hand. "I'm Johnny."

Arissa spoke out. "Did you say Rizzzzzoliii?

_Shit. I shouldn't have said that._

"Are you related to Uncle Frankie?" she asked.

Gordon turned to Jane, confused. She snapped a face, saying _not now._

"I'll answer that later, okay?" she turned to Johnny and examined his bold Rizzoli features. _God he looks like Tommy. _"It's good to meet you." _It really is. Hold it together. You're fucking Detective Jane Rizzoli!_

Gordon grabbed two seats from the hallway.

"Thanks." Jane said as she sat down. "We're just here to do a follow up-."

"Like after a case?" Johnny asked.

_Wow…he interrupts like a Rizzoli._

"Yeah. How do you know that?"

"Uncle Frankie. He's a detective like you."

Jane…how about you take Johnny and I'll take Arissa. It may be easier if there's…" Gordon said.

"Yeah, okay."

"Arissa, if it's okay with you, I'll pull the divider…"

Jane turned back to her son. He amused himself with his toys, creating sound effects with his mouth. She couldn't help but to smile.

"Johnny, can you tell me what happened?"

He stopped playing. "Mommy took Riss and I to the bank. Then bad guys came. They locked us in and started shooting." He began to cry. What Jane wanted to do did not connect with her hands. "The bad guy shot a man in front of mommy and…" he wiped his eyes with his arms.

_Crap. What do I do? _She tried to reach out her arm and comfort her son. But the arm refused to extend.

"Then the bad guy threw me against mommy."

She knew exactly what he meant. She recalled seeing it as she looked through the scope.

_Hold yourself together Jane._

"Then he took Arissa…" he cried harder. "he did the same…"

Trying to hold a strong face, Jane said, "Hey buddy. You're doing good. That's all I need to know." She looked at the contents of his toys. Books, baseball gloves, and several Red Sox jersey's laid on the table.

"You like the Red Sox?" she asked.

His eyes lit up. "YEAH! They're the best team ever!"

_Got that right._

Struggling to find the next words he asked, "I noticed you don't….you…do you…where's your dad?"

"I don't have one." He replied. "It's just mommy, Riss, and me."

"Do you know a man by the name of Tanner?"

He nodded. "Mommy's _sort of_ dating him."

"Sort of?"

"Mommy doesn't know if Tanner and her are together. But mommy says Riss and I have to be nice to him."

"Why is that?"

"Mommy says he has magic powers. He can create life."

_Basically, he's your da – your sperm donor._

"Do you like him?"

He shook his head and looked down. "He's too…he tries too hard."

Gordon walked from behind the curtain. "Just finished. She said everything that happened. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Alright." She turned to Johnny. "We gotta go now. Thank you for letting us talk to you. Take care, you two."

"Wait!" Johnny yelled. "Come back!"

Jane walked back. She leaned over. She took in her son's smell.

"I couldn't sleep last night."

"Why is that bud?"

He began to whisper. "The man who got shot in front of us…I see his face when I close my eyes. It's all…red and yucky. It won't go away. Please make it go away…"

Jane' heart thumped like an earthquake. She hesitated. _Should I hug him? Should I reach out my arm?_

"Come on, bud. You too Arissa. Let me take you to your mommy." Jane said. She nearly regretted saying it.

_God, I can't handle this._

Gordon waited by the door while Johnny and Arissa slowly made their way to Jane. Arissa, still hard faced, looked at Jane with utter confusion. Jane's name ran inside her head along with the word _mother. _It confused her. It was something she could not understand. She still couldn't understand the connection between Detective Jane Rizzoli and Uncle Frankie. But she wanted to see her mom. That feeling overthrew any other feeling to the side. She could ask about Detective Jane Rizzoli to her mom. On the other hand, Johnny took a hold of Jane's hand and walked. The softness of his hand shocked Jane. She wanted to let go and hold on forever. Either way, it would send out wrong signals. She felt every wrinkle and fold of his hand, taking as much as she could. _I'm holding my son's hand for the first time since…_

Together, they walked behind Arissa and into Maura's room. Through the window, Jane saw Angela, Maura, Frankie, Korsak, and Frost, all speaking quietly amongst themselves. Arissa bolted to the room, startling everyone. She jumped onto Angela, then to Frankie, and finally on Maura's bed. Jane could hear happiness coming out of the room. She knew that the second she'd step in, silence would bury the room. She tried to slow Johnny down. But he kept tugging.

_I can't be here right now._

"Come on!" He exclaimed.

Jane could see the door. Three more steps. Two. One.

Silence took over.

Happiness was overthrown.

Jane tried her best to not stare. But her eyes drew her towards Maura. It always has. It always will. To her left, she could sense Angela staring deathly into her. Maura, arms around Arissa, curled her lips in confusion. Johnny ran towards Maura, almost ripping off the IV from her. For a moment, Angela seized her anger. Relief seeped through her eyes as she looked at her grandkids.

But then she turned back to Jane.

_If stares could kill, I'd be dead_, Jane thought.

Angela stood up, faced her grandkids and smiled. But once she turned around and faced Jane, her veins began to bulge out. She pushed Jane with her entire body outside of Maura's room. She closed the door behind her and faced Jane again.

Angela's palm landed right across Jane's face, leaving a red imprint. Stunned, Jane left her head fixed on the ground. She dared to not look into her mom's eyes.

"Don't arrest me for _assaulting _an authoritative figure. You know it as much as I do that what I just did has _nothing_ to do with your job." Angela huffed and walked away. She heard her breathing extenuate in pain. Her own face began to sting.

_I deserved that._


	19. The First Breakdown

**Lets not slit our wrists when we get an update, okay?**

**Any other suggestions besides "the talk/confrontation/reasons why she left/Tanner/etc"**

**Also, I'd just like to thank you for all your reviews. Happy reading!...well... ;)**

* * *

><p>Nineteen<p>

Maura leaned against her pillow. She flipped through the latest newspaper, trying to find an article that did not relate to Jane. And she did find one, but in the sports section. Even in that column, it reminded her of Jane.

"Ugh. What am I going to do?" she tossed the paper to the side. "What am I going to do?" she sighed as she let the pillow occupy her head. Then a small voice echoed in the room.

"Mommy?"

Maura jumped, wincing at the pain on her chest. "Arissa? What are you doing here? Go back to bed!"

"I can't sleep mommy." She held onto her blanket.

"Oh…" Maura thought for a moment_. Be a doctor or be a mom?_ "Come here sweetie." She patted on the bed. "Watch your cast, okay?"

A smile appeared on Arissa's face. Slowly, she climbed onto the bed, holding out her arm, and trying to balance as she crawled into Maura's arms.

"Why can't you sleep, sweetheart?"

She whispered, "Johnny keeps crying." She returned to her normal voice. "And just thinking."

_Just thinking? What could a four year old be thinking? _"What's wrong with your brother?"

"I don't know. He won't talk to me. He keeps crying and talking in his sleep."

Maura nodded. "Well, I'll talk to him, okay?" she kissed her daughter's head. "What about you? What are you thinking of?"

"You never told me, mommy."

"Never told you what?"

"About Jane Rizzoli." She replied.

_Oh. _"I…I guess it slipped my mind." She began to feel breathless.

"Who is she mommy? Her name was on that paper. And it said she's my other mo-."

"You should sleep, sweetie." She quickly said, not wanting to hear the last word.

Arissa persisted on. "She was here today! I know you saw her! She came in the room behind me! Who is she?"

Maura sighed. "It's complicated. It's so complicated. I can't even-."

"Is she nice?"

"Didn't _you_ meet her?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but she went to talk to Johnny." She starched her arm. "Mommy, is she nice?"

Maura gasped for air. "She's…" _remember to breathe,_ "she's…"

"Why does she have my last name? Like Uncle Frankie and nonna?"

_Of course she would make that connection_. "Honey, I said it's really complicated.

"But why does she have my last name?"

Maura refused to answer that specific question.

"Is she related to Uncle Frankie?"

Realizing that she would not be able to get out of this conversation, Maura sighed heavily. _Lost_, Maura thought, _that's this conversation_.

"Yes…she's…" she hesitated. "She's related to Uncle Frankie. Even Uncle Tommy and nonna and all your cousins."

"Then how do I have the same last name as her? Uncle Tommy's married. Uncle Frankie's getting married. How did _you _get the Rizzoli last name?"

"Magic." She replied. That's all Maura could reply without punching the wall.

"Oh." Arissa began to yawn.

_Good. Sleep my love. Please._

"What's Jane Rizzoli like, mommy?" her eyes began to close. "Tell me."

Maura stared at the wall in front of her.

"Uh…" _What do I say? Should I say what comes to mind?_ "She'…she's…an amazing person. You know, Uncle Frankie became a cop just like her. She takes care of people. She'll take a bullet for you, literally. She'll listen to you, let you use her shirt to wipe your tears." She stopped, wondering if she could go any further. _Go on_, her heart said. "She's determined. She'll protect you, no matter the cost." _Stop Maura_. "People don't see the real her. But I did. She loves her…family…job…and she…" _Stop it. You're going to regret it_. "I…we…completed each other. We were each other's missing piece to the puzzle. I-." she looked at Arissa.

"Oh, for the love of-." Maura said half smiling. "_Now you fall asleep_?"

Maura adjusted to a more comfortable position. She kissed her daughter's head once more and stared at the ceiling. She knew there was no possible way to block her thoughts, simply because the more she tried not to think about Jane, the more she thought about her.

"Looks like I'll have to tell you some other time…" Maura said.

ˣˣ

Jane moaned as she opened her eyes in a groggily manner. Sunlight blasted though the windows and her bed smelled of old cigars and sweat.

_Wait._

Jane bolted up.

"What the hell?" she said.

She looked around her. She saw trees, Boston Harbor, and more trees.

"What the fuck. Where the…how the hell did I get here?" she rubbed her eyes. "Why am I in my car?" Jane leaned on the steering wheel, trying to regain full conscious and any memory of what happened last night. She looked at the passenger seat and found an empty bottle of alcohol. Next to it, several more bottles laid, spilled and opened. She smelled her jacket.

_Definitely alcohol._

She checked her eyes on the mirror.

_Bloodshot._

Bags formed under her chocolate eyes. She checked for any more signs of trouble. She moved her head to the left and regrettably, to the right and finally remembered. Her face, still red from Angela's slap, throbbed in pain. She winced at it, hoping that somehow, the imprint would disappear. But every time she looked at the mirror and away from it, the imprint would still be there.

A massive headache engulfed her mind. With every heart beat, a reminder of last night's confrontation ached Jane's sanity. She closed her eyes and saw the faces of Maura, Johnny, Angela, and so on. Disappointment and innocence bounced back to her. She could see Johnny in the hospital, playing so gallantly. Innocence possessed his soul.

_Don't get too attached, Jane._

What sadness would her own son feel if he were to ever find out? That the very detective he asked to make all the nightmares vanish is the same person who abandoned her family nearly five years ago? It hit Jane again, the very unlikely possibility of explaining to her son the faults that she's done, would be a difficult process. How does one explain to the innocent the damned side of life?

_Don't get too attached._

She looked outside the window, this time seeing Maura's face. Her honey blonde hair grew pale. The lushness disappeared and the glow of her face was nowhere to be found. She remembered how Maura's face looked, especially when she was tired. She could count the lines, moles, and spots on her face, but she's still look happy. So beautiful. This time, however, no sign of happiness radiated through her face. And Jane knew just who to blame.

_Don't get too attached._

And how could she forget the look of her mother's face, right before the slap? How could she forgot how her mom dug her nails into her stomach while pushing her out of the room? The disappointment and anger was all Jane could read. No one wanted another Frank Rizzoli incident. No one wanted anyone to abandon their family. And here's Jane, doing exactly what their entire family vowed to not do. And as Jane looked at her cheek and then to her stomach where the claw marks rested, she knew just who to blame.

_Don't get too attached. Don't get too attached._

Jane leaned back and rubbed her eyes. She thought about Florida and all that's happened there. A surreal sense of forgiveness swarmed Jane's heart. She confronted her dad and that was it. Did she want to return to Florida? Florida, Jane has to admit, is _not_ home, but rather a hell hole of constant reminders and running.

Anger trickled through Jane's heart, causing her to repeatedly punch the steering wheel until her hands gave in. She dented the wheel and felt her hand shake. The next face to appear in her mind was Tanner. How easy it would have been to "kill off the competitors". _But she had no right._ She had no right to do that to him. If Tanner truly made Maura happy, then that was it. Interferences would no longer be an option. She'd just have to return to Florida and put this case behind her. She'd have to try and forget the people involved in it as well. She'd have to live knowing that _someone else_ wanted to spend the rest of their life with Maura. She'd have to live knowing her son's ever so innocent face and move forward.

Taking deep breathes, Jane began her downfall effect. Panic, fear, guilt, and apathy juggled through Jane's finger tips. Tears got in the way of her vision and her hair only made things worse. She rummaged her hand to her waist where the gun holster jabbed her gut. Then she slowly removed the gun, facing the muzzle toward her throat.

"Do it Rizzoli. No one wants you here." She said aloud. She placed the pointer finger on the trigger. "No one wants you in Florida either. Hell, you don't even want yourself. So just do it. Pull the trigger."

ˣˣ

"Ma," Frankie said. "Detective Gordon and Detect – Jane…they're leaving tomorrow."

"I know. It's on every newspaper, every column, every article."

"Yeah. You should see Twitter. It's…"

"I still can't believe she's here."

"Same."

"Then she's going to go. Just like that." She threw the towel in the sink. "I just…I don't…"

"You slapped her pretty hard." He stated.

"Well, can you blame me?"

"Nah. Remember, I tackled her first." Frankie gave a weak smile.

"Don't do that. Don't smile about that. She's still your sister."

"But ma! She left!" he said. "Like pops!"

"He's still your father and Jane's still your sister." She replied quietly. "Even if they left."

"I didn't realize how much Johnny looked like Jane until last night." He said slowly." I wonder how Maura manages to look at him without…you know."

Angela nodded.

"Seeing them together…in the same room…made it feel complete."

"Jane doesn't know…does she?"

"Doesn't look like it." He checked his phone. "I gotta go, ma. I'll see you at the hospital later. Thanks for breakfast.

ˣˣ

Frost scouted for a pen in his drawer. He lifted file and file when he noticed a fairly small paper glimmer against the light. With one hand, he grabbed the paper and flipped it over. It nearly shocked him. He felt nostalgic as he brushed his finger over the photo.

It was the first photo of Jane and him, smiling so brightly at the Dirty Robber, nearly eight years ago.

"Hey Frost." Korsak said from afar. He quickly tried to discard the photo as Korsak walked closer. "You okay?" he held out several folders.

Almost out of breath, Frost replied, "Yeah. Yeah, I am. What have you got?" _Phew._

Korsak looked unconvinced, "Your share of the paperwork." He smiled, handed the folders, and as he walked away, he said, "I was wondering where that picture went."

Frost stared, speechless and confused. He had to closer his mouth when he saw Gordon running in, holding his phone in a frantic position. Korsak returned, eyes filled with concern.

"What's up, rookie?" he asked.

"Jane…Detective Rizzoli…she won't pick up her phone." He panted.

_When has she ever picked up her phone since she stepped foot in Boston? _"Not even her radio?"

"Nothing."

Perhaps, it was a coincidence when the radio called them in.

"Dispatch. We've found Detective Jane Rizzoli's car in the Boston Harbor. Coast Guard is reeling it in. No sign of a body. I repeat, Detective Jane Rizzoli's car…"

All three men looked at each other. One by one, they exited the bullpen and headed toward their car.

"Damn it, Jane. Stop fucking with our emotions." Frost said.


	20. This is Where We Learn

Twenty

The four detectives waited by the shoreline, staring out into the coast guard boat. A black cruiser soon appeared from the depths of the water. No sign of forced entry. No sign of Jane.

Frankie walked off to the side, trying to take it in. He'd only gotten four days with her. And for whatever reason, he wanted Jane back.

"Despite everything that has happened, I didn't want you to go this way." He said. He grabbed the nearest rock and threw it as hard as possible. Korsak came up from behind. He squeezed Frankie's shoulder.

"Hey…look. We gotta go. CSU already has a team checking out the car."

"It wasn't supposed to end this way…"

Korsak replied, "Certain things aren't supposed to be the way they are." He got up. "Come on. Let's head back to the precinct."

"I'll meet you there."

"The _rookie_ wants to get to the bottom of this. But I don't really know how since they're flight leaves later this evening. Plus, I don't want _you_ to do anything stupid."

Frankie stood up, "Does CSU think it was deliberate or suicide?"

"All evidence that's left…points to suicide." Korsak said carefully.

"God, ma will be so…_crushed_. I don't know how they'll handle it."

"Let's not jump to conclusions okay? As far as I'm concerned, we've got a police car that has just been recovered and we have no body. Don't assume anything yet, okay?"

ˣˣ

Gordon slid his thumb across the screen. He reread the text messages he and Jane ever had. Although they weren't the warmest of messages, it had certainly become one of a kind. He was bitterly angry. Angry at CSU because of their constant refusal to give out information about the car. They kept giving excuses saying the evidence still needed to be processed. _Bullshit_.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, though. Gordon witnessed his partner get wasted and return to work with fresh scars on her arms. _He_ didn't need to know the reasons to Jane's constant downfall in life, but it might have helped. _He_ could have done something to mend her pain, even for a little while. But now it's too late. The great Detective Jane Rizzoli, protector of all civilians, is dead from _her_ own hand.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't." Korsak, Frost, and Frankie walked into the bullpen. Korsak sternly, "We've got nothing confirmed yet, okay?"

I don't want to talk to the yet. "Yeah, alright. I'll head outside. I'm going to walk it out." Gordon got up and exited the room. The three detectives scattered around the room, grabbing the supplies they needed.

"What a turn of events. We were just working a case with Maura….now Detect- Jane's gone. Don't know if it's right to feel crappy about…ah, forget it." Frankie busied himself by writing information on the white board.

Gordon hadn't realized his feet dragging until several patrol cops looked his way. He walked outside of the building, not knowing where to go. He took the more pleasurable looking route, leading towards Cambridge University. He passed by several architecturally planned buildings, trees, landmarks, and-.

_Is that Jane?_

Gordon stopped in his tracks, absolutely confused.

_Am I hallucinating?_

The woman had the exact color, wave length, and curls, resting upon her head. She sat on a bench facing a large fountain, where several children played. Gordon walked slowly around the bench, not taking his eyes off of the woman. With every step, he caught a much better profile, revealing the nose, eyes, and lips. His heart leaped with relief.

"_Jane_," he accidentally said, startling the woman.

"What the hell?" she snapped. "What are you doing _here_?"

"Boy am I _glad_ to see you." He wanted to hug Jane as tightly as he could.

"Gordon? The hell is wrong with you?" she yelled. "It's like you haven't seen me in forever!"

"It could have been that way." Gordon replied quietly. "Seat taken?"

"Yeah. Sit on the ground." She demanded.

"What? But it's not-."

"On the ground man. Seats occupied."

Gordon obliged at the demand.

_ She's not dead. I still have my partner._

They didn't talk for a good twenty minutes. Jane didn't offer a conversation and Gordon took in the silence. He observed his partner as she glanced out into the park. Her eyes arched forward and her lips were pursed.

_ Her thinking face._

He had a million questions to ask, but didn't know if it was the appropriate time to do so. But what if he didn't have another chance to ask? Gordon closed his eyes and went for it.

"Why is the seat taken even if you're the only one sitting on it?" He asked.

Jane looked to her side. "It just is."

"I need more than '_it just is_', Jane. _Come on. We're partners_. We should be able to _trust_ each other."

She looked back to the fountain. Her eyes followed the sound of laughter.

"Do you know why I specifically hate _this_ case?" she asked.

Alarmed by the question, he shook his head. "Is it cause of me?"

She gave out a small laugh. "Nah. You're the least of my problems."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Do you know where I'm from?" she asked quietly.

"Is this a trick question?"

"Answer the damn question!" she snarled.

"Okay! Okay! Boston! You're from here." He scratched his head. "Your point?"

"Cool it off with the questions, will you? I'm trying to form a deep conversation."

"Okay…sorry."

Jane sighed. "Actually, _I'm sorry_. You were right though." She continued to stare at the fountain. "We're partners. We should be able to trust each other. We should be able to tell each other things…"

Gordon nodded. "Should I…"

"Just wait till I actually tell you stuff. I'm not good with these things. You should know that by now." She fidgeted with her hand. "I hate this case because it's in _this_ city. Didn't you Google me or something?"

"I wanted to wait till you told me. I feel that Google is…a _shortcut_ that shouldn't be used when it comes to getting to know someone."

"So, just to clarify, you didn't search me up?"

"Didn't even type your first letter."

"Good…well, I don't know, cause a shitload of articles would have popped up."

"Yeah, cause of Hoyt right?"

Jane winced at the sound of Hoyt's name. "That…and much more."

"Like what?"

"This case…the city…I…I used to-."

"Yeah?"

God damn, why is it so difficult to just say?" she turned her head again. "If you searched me up, you would have found out that I…am…er was married."

"Oh." _Wow. I didn't expect that_. "What's the guy's name?"

"M…Maura Isles."

Gordon nodded his head before realizing what Jane said. "Wait. _Maura_? As in the victim from the case?"

"Yeah…"

"Wow…shit." He leaned back. "Jane…I don't know what to-."

"I don't expect you to say much. Hate me cause I married a woman. Hate me cause I-."

"Jane. I don't hate you. Who you love is not something I can or am willing to change. That's not _my_ business, but yours. Plus, _it isn't a good enough reason_ to hate you. I just…this is the first time we're actually _talking_, you know? After four years of not sharing anything and suddenly this? I just need time to process."

_He didn't smack me_. Jane smiled. "Thanks man."

"Uh, why…why aren't you…why do you seem…why aren't you with her?"

"It's a long story."

"We've got eight hours here, plus another three on the plane."

"You're going to think I'm a terrible person, because I am."

"Jane, what I think shouldn't matter. Just know I'm here for you." Gordon replied, "But whatever you say, just, uh, help me understand if I don't get it, okay?"

Jane closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "I was married to her. Well, legally on my part, _still_ married to her. She probably brought up her lawyers and divorced me." She threw her hands up. "Hell, I don't know."

"And then…?"

"Long story short, I left." Jane spat the words out. "I left my wife and a newborn."

Gordon nodded, unable to speak. He watched Jane very tediously, noting the lines forming across her forehead. Her lips tensed as well as her breathing. She clenched her jaw and tightened her hand into a fist. To see his partner break down for the first time while being sober clenched his heart. He could feel the walls slowly come down.

"Is that why you've been hesitant and M.I.A for certain parts of the day? Like that first night you saw her. You didn't pick up the phone or anything."

"It's…it sucks, right now."

I can imagine. "Then it makes sense now. I thought, while at the bank, when everyone was running, that Detective Frankie guy kept pulling you back. I didn't understand why he didn't let you run. I thought you were shot or something…But it makes sense now." He sighed. "You wanted to get in because she's your…wow."

Jane bent over. "You know that Detective _Frankie_ is actually Detective Frankie _Rizzoli_?

"You're related?"

"More like siblings." Jane gave a weak smile.

"Oh…wow…awkward."

"Why's that?"

"I…earlier, he asked who you were and I thought he was _interested_."

Jane stared at Gordon, half disgusted and half smiling.

"Sorry," he said. Jane nodded. "Uh, you said you left, er, you said you have a child. Did we…"

"We met him."

_Him_? "Him? What about the little girl?"

"She's not mine. Maura probably got pregnant after I left." Jane said as she shrugged her shoulders, looking rather disappointed. "She looks like her. Same honey blonde hair, same green eyes. Hell, her I.Q is probably higher than _both of ours combined_."

Taken aback by the statement, Gordon repeated the young girl's name. _Arissa Isabella Rizzoli-Isles. Arissa Isabella Rizzoli-Isles_. Then he repeated Johnny's name. _Johnny Michael Rizzoli-Isles. Johnny Michael Rizzoli-Isles. _He continued to think to himself. _Why would the two have the same last names? Even Maura has the whole Rizzoli-Isles deal. _The names made sense yet confused him.

"Did you ever look at the folders I gave you?" he asked.

"No." she admitted.

_Bingo. _The fact that Jane didn't read the folders meant she didn't look at the files. And if she did look at the files, she would have known that Maura kept her last name and that one way or another, Arissa is someone Jane's. But he knew this would be something that he should not be involved in. This, he had to admit, was Jane's territory to deal with. Not his.

"You do know we have to say our routine goodbye's to everyone?"

"I know."

"I mean _everyone_. Even your kid…and your wife."

_ "I know."_

"Do you want to?"

"No, but they don't want me here."

"You don't know that Jane!"

She raised her voice. "But you can see it in their eyes, Gordon! You can see it in the way they stand, the way they breathe, and they way the room feels! _They don't want anything to do with me_!"

"Alright…alright," he said. After a few minutes, he stated, "Your son…he looks like you, a lot."

"He does, doesn't he? But you should see my other brother. He's definitely a carbon copy of him."

_Other brother, eh?_ "That's cool." He said. "Is, well, that, er…I guess I get why you wanted to interview Johnny _instead_ of Arissa. He doesn't know, does he?"

"Who knows what Maura told them. She could have been telling crap about me or some wild ass story. But they sure know what a Rizzoli is."

_She_ knows what a Rizzoli is. _The little girl_. Arissa questioned Jane about being a Rizzoli. It hut Jane that that even occurred. It rang a bell but the door led to an unknown.

"What is it Jane?"

"Wha-. Nothing. This case is hell. I don't know what to think or what to feel." She relaxed her body. "Thanks. Thanks for everything. And thanks for not asking why I left."

Gordon smiled. "You're welcome." He dug his fingers into the warm grass. "So, why is the seat taken? I swear you could fit three more people on it."

"Uh…" Jane began. "_This_," she patted on the empty space on her right, "is where I asked Maura's parents' permission to marry her."

"Oh, you're old school, I see."

"Must be my Catholic upbringing or I really am old school."

Gordon laughed. "Well, since you told me, _now_ can I sit? My ass is _killing_ me!"

"No!" Jane quickly said, "I…"

"It's alright. I understand. Got anymore stories you want to share?"

"_This_ is also where Maura and I discussed the topic of _children_."

"Nice. How many did you guys want?"

"At least two. But if you've ever met anyone like my…_ma_…then she'd raise the minimum to six."

"Six? What the hell? I could barely stand my younger brother!" they both laughed genuinely for the first time in a long time. "How did you plan on getting kids? Adoption?"

"Nah. Maura's all for the natural way. Before we got it_, the eggs_, to work, we had to try and fail three times. On the last try, we used both our eggs. One from her, one from me. Damn that process hurt like fuck!"

_Two eggs. That makes sense then._

"We found out it worked. But we wanted to keep it all a surprise, for us mainly. We didn't want to know the gender."

"When you say it worked, do you mean…one? The one as in Johnny? Your egg worked but not your wife's?

"Yeah…well, I'm sure because I only saw one baby at the hospital."

_Something still doesn't make sense_, Gordon thought. _But you said you wouldn't cross the line!_

"I see…" Gordon looked at his watch. "Look, we should go."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do you need a ride?" he asked, wondering where her car went.

"Yeah…" she replied. Jane got up, stretched her legs and looked at the fountain once more before turning around. "Time to say our goodbyes."

They saw Frost and Frankie at the lobby. Korsak was at the café, ordering his fifth coffee for the day. When they heard the sound of heels clicking in the halls, confusion and relief swept over their faces.

"Yup, she's here." Gordon said. His eyes desperately said to not mention the possible suicide.

"Oh." Frankie said. "So, this is your last day, huh?"

"Yes it is," Gordon replied. "We came to…"

Jane's phone rang. She excused herself from the group and answered.

"Rizzoli." Her raspy voice replied.

"It's Captain Brown. Good to hear from you."

"Is that sarcasm?" Jane asked.

"No, but here's sarcasm. _Good to hear updates about your case_! I had to remind Gordon to give me updates!"

_ Shit, I forgot_. "Work got in the way, Captain, as you can imagine. Now, what can I do for you?"

"I didn't buy a plane ticket for you tonight."

Jane yelled, "What? What do you mean? What am I-."

"I'm putting you on involuntary paid vacation. Jane, you need it. You've worked through all your day offs and accumulated more than 9 months worth of paid leave."

"Where the hell am I going to stay?"

"Since you're in Boston, why don't you stay there? I heard it's quite beautiful."

"How am I getting income?"

"What part of paid vacation do you not understand?"

"Vacation isn't a word that my head recognizes."

"Well recognize it, Rizzoli. After this phone call, _you're on leave_."

_Fuck no._ "Sir, _I need_ to get back to work!"

"_No_, you don't. You need to rest. Don't even think about buying a ticket because I've notified all airlines to reject any purchases from you. Don't even think about driving here because I am not letting you walk even 100 meters from the parking lot. Understand?"

"Yes sir." Jane replied slowly. Then the line went dead. She returned the phone in her pocket and cussed out every word into her brain.

_Stay another six months here? A paid vacation in Boston? Fuck no. I'd rather be dead!_

She was beyond pissed. It clearly showed on her face as she returned to the lobby.

"Something wrong, Jane?" Gordon asked.

"Yeah," she replied, "I'll tell you later." She turned to the other detectives, "Should we say it here or upstairs?"

"Upstairs." Frost said. "You can say your goodbyes while we wait outside the room."

Jane couldn't tell if he was giving a sinister smile. She wanted to speak up again, but her voice refused to be vocal. They walked into the elevator, one by one, and proceeded to the room. Gordon felt his lung twist with anxiety. _This time,_ he knew why his partner always fidgeted on the way to the room. _This time_ he knew what was going on inside Jane's head.

The elevator doors opened, causing Jane to slightly flinch. Gordon reached out and touched her arm, hoping to send comfort. They looked at each other where Jane replied with a reassuring nod. The detectives pulled out, leaving Jane and Gordon a few steps behind.

"Who was that on the phone?" Gordon asked.

"The Captain."

"What did he-."

"He put me on I.P.V."

"Involuntary paid vacation? Why do you look like someone took your beer. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"He told me to stay in Boston." Jane said. "He told me to not even drive or buy a ticket, because the airports would decline my purchase and he won't even let me near the parking lot."

"Well shit."

"Yeah._ Shit_. Since we've stepped foot here, everything has been _shit_."

"So…I'm going back alone?"

"Captain's orders." Jane scoffed. "This'll be the worst vacation."

They walked towards the room. Frankie, Frost, and Korsak stayed outside the room, but looked into the window.

"We'll say our goodbye's here." Frankie said. He took out his hand. Neither Frost nor Korsak vocalized their feelings. It was clear, just by looking at their eyes, how messed up their feelings were. They shook each other's hand and went back towards the wall.

Gordon was the first to walk in the room. His eyes searched for the little boy. _Jane's son_. He gasped the words out into his head, waiting for the facts to register. He gave a friendly smile to Arissa and then to Maura. _Jane's wife, no, ex-wife_?

"And the airplane shoots all the bad guys like King Kong and-." Johnny stopped when he heard Jane's rubbery heels on the floor. The room became silent again and Gordon could feel it swarming inside him. "Mommy, look! It's the detective I was telling you about!"

Gordon watched the two women stare each other.

"Mommy, aren't you going to shake her hand? You told me to do that whenever_ I_ meet new people."

_Set a good example. _"You're right, sweetie. How _rude_ of me." She took out her hand. "I'm Maura."

Confused and stunned, Jane slowly took Maura's hand into hers.

Even after four years, Maura's hand felt as smooth as glass. The warmth excited Jane to the point where it scared her. She could recognize every fold and wrinkle in her hand. But the happiness soon faded as Maura tightened her grasp, feeling Jane's bones wander into foreign territories.

Jane tried to hide her wince. "Detect- Detective Jane Rizzoli."


	21. The Invitation

**Missing in action, solely because another idea began to consume my mind. **

* * *

><p>Twenty One<p>

Jane's voice cracked as she forced the words out. She could hear and feel her body quiver. An overwhelming wave of emotions tackled Jane. Maura's face remained slightly unreadable. She held the two kids close to her and placed her hand behind Johnny's back, trying to rid of Jane's_ touch_ off of her.

Gordon cleared his throat, "Uh, we just wanted to thank you," he said slowly, "for your full cooperation. Also, we're doing this just to have a sense of _closing_ the case. We like to see our victims grow in progress in terms of their health and-."

"Basically," Jane interrupted. Both Maura and Gordon jumped at the sudden intervention. "We try to treat the victims of our case as human as possible. Not some money reward or another name in the book." _Stay professional Jane_. "And…uh…"

Gordon looked at Jane, noticing the breaks in between her words. "_That_," Gordon said, "should be all." He wanted to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Luckily, his phone rang. "Excuse me. I have to take this." He left the room, looking worried as he stared at the caller id, leaving the four to themselves.

Jane's posture as straighter than the horizon. She didn't know what to do or what to say. Korsak and Frost were nowhere to be seen and when she looked out the window, Frankie's stance remained guarded. He had his poker face on and tried his best to not kick his sister out.

Back in the room, Jane watched Johnny with his toys, mimicking sound effects. Arissa laid he books down and watched Jane. Maura, on the other hand, solely focused on her kids. Jane listened intent fully and amused, almost as if she were in a haze. It was like a clock ticking constantly in her head.

"Mommy! She's a detective like Uncle Frankie!"

Both Maura and Jane snapped up. Maura replied, "That's good, huh, hon?"

"She protects people! Right?" he turned to Jane.

"Yeah…buddy. I do." She gulped

"And look!" he jumped from the bed and ran towards Jane. "Her badge is so shiny!"

Maura's cheek muscles grew tired as she forced another smile. Deep inside, she wanted so badly to remove her IV, get off the bed, and punch Jane. She wanted so badly to do _the jab-jab-hook_ thing. She wanted Jane to feel her pain, physical, emotional, psychological. She wanted Jane to_ feel it all_.

Maura forced herself to face her kids. She couldn't face Jane…her beloved…her best friend…_soul mate_…But at the corners of her eyes, she could feel Jane's eyes trying to face her. Instead, she continued to focus on her kids.

_Remember to not be rude, _Maura reminded herself. Four years. No one expected it, but it all came down to this. To be _reunited_ at all, especially under these circumstances. For a short time, Maura _believed, hoped, and pleaded_ that Jane would return, and once she returned, Maura would welcome her back, arms filled with relief and forgiveness. But when two years turned to four, all hopes were gone. For a short time, Maura believed that Jane, her love, had died somewhere. The thought was short lived. Hope turned to anger, anger turned to pain, and pain vanished into nothing. She pushed Jane to the edges of her skull, never bringing her up, not even mentioning things that related to her. But how could she forget about Jane, when the product of her egg flourished into a handsome young boy. Everything Johnny became resembled Jane. Johnny became the constant reminder. Johnny became the reason for Maura's willingness to dig a deeper ditch to hide herself in. Four years, and it came down to this. All of Maura's endless nights of being awake while tears streamed down her face as every possible thought drowned her, nearly suffocated her. As a patient, she had every right to ask _Detective_ Jane Rizzoli to leave. In fact, she could, however Johnny kept creating conversations between the two.

"Mommy, when are going back home? I miss my bed." Arissa asked. Jane quickly swirled her head to the small but strong voice.

"As soon as we feel better." Maura replied slowly.

"But I feel great, mommy!" Johnny threw his arms up. "I can even do jumping jacks! Look!"

Maura grabbed his arm before he had the chance to jump off the bed.

"Mommy! I want to show her!" he pointed at Jane.

_What the hell am I still doing here? _Jane thought. She got up. "I should head ou-."

"Wait!" Johnny yelled. He let go of Maura's grasp. "I can really do jumping jacks! Watch!"

Jane slowly found her way back to the chair. They watched Jane climb out of bed as he et his toys aside, take in a deep breath, and begin the jacks. He clapped his hand and clicked his feet together. By the nineteenth rep, he stopped and took a break. He then collapsed on Jane's knee, catching her off guard. Still not making eye contact, Jane felt Maura's…_overall being_…slowly rise with anger. But what was Jane going to do? Leave Johnny hanging on the floor? Instead, Johnny hugged Jane's leg tighter, hanging onto it like a koala.

"Wanna know where I had my first birthday?" he asked as he swayed his arms from Jane's knee.

"Uh…" Jane began. "Where?"

"Mommy thought the museum would be nice." _Of course she'd think that._ "But nonna said we were too young." _Well thank God ma spoke some sense to her_. "We had it at our backyard instead."

_We? _"Oh…that's nice." _Man, I wonder what that was like._

"Yeah! Then we turned two, we had it at my nonna's house!"

_I wonder which nonna. And again with the we? Why does he keep saying we?"_

At the corner of her eyes, Jane could see Maura huddling Arissa as she fell asleep. Johnny continued talking.

"Then when we turned three, Uncle Tommy combined our birthday with Dylan and Aunt Heather."

_So Tommy married her after all. _Jane continued to smile and nod.

"This year, we'll be having it at the park! Do you want to come!" he jumped off her leg. "It's going to be at Boston Common near the froggie pond!"

_ That's right…it's his birthday coming up in about a week._

Outside the room, Frankie, Korsak, and Frost stood with their mouths handing open, shocked fro Johnny's unexpected invitation.

"I can't believe he just did that." Frankie said.

"She can't possible accept it though. From an outsider, that would look unprofessional." Frost said.

"But I you're from around here, you'd probably start a protest and force her to leave the state!" Frankie replied back.

Back in the room, Maura's eyes grew wide. "Uh, sweetie, I think she has a lot of work to do." _Don't be rude_. " We wouldn't want to keep her from doing her job, now would we?"

Johnny ignored Maura. "We're going to have lots of balloons and we're going to have an animal show!"

Maura quickly cut in. "Okay, sweeties. Let's just stop right there…"

"It's going to be from one to four!"

"_Johnny_." Maura said firmly.

"Oh…sorry mommy. Can she come?"

Maura sighed and closed her eyes.

"Mommy! Can she come?" he wrapped his arms around Jane's leg again.

"If the_ detective _wishes to." Maura said, not knowing if she meant to say it.

Appalled at the answer, Jane stared towards Maura's direction, not looking straight into her eyes. It wasn't exactly a _no_ but neither was the answer _yes_.

Outside the room, the three detectives still had their mouths wide open. The only thing that got them too look away was the sight of Angela and Tanner, walking towards them.

_Double shit, _Frankie thought. Then he looked back at Jane. _Triple shit. _He walked towards Angela and tried to prevent her from reaching the window.

"Ma. No. you don't want to see what's going on-."

"Why? Did something happen?" she continued to push. Tanner stood behind Angela, confused. "Frankie, let me see what's going on!"

"I think it's best if you don't-."

"What do you know what's best for me? Let me see Maura!" Angela maneuvered her way around Frankie and found herself next to Korsak. She stared into the window at a loss for words. She couldn't voice what she wanted to say. She could only stare and watch Jane and Maura, in one room, with their kids. _Together. _She didn't understand why no one was yelling or scratching someone's eyes off. She didn't understand why it looked so peaceful inside the room. Angela quickly pushed aside all the men that surrounded her. Before Frankie could hold his mom back, she left without a word.

"Ma…" he said.

The detective's looked at each other. Tanner smiled at Frankie, who gave no emotion in return.

"I'm going to…" Tanner said. He pointed inside the room. "Oh! Detective Rizzoli's here"

Tanner walked inside, smiled at Jane and Johnny, patted Arissa on the head, and went straight for Maura, giving her a deep kiss, _right in front of everyone._ _Right in front of Jane._

"Good to see you." He said to Maura. "You too, Detective."

Jane tried to disguise her disgusted smile. When Tanner looked away, she winced at their kiss. She quickly got up, carefully moving Johnny to the side.

"I'm going to go now." She declared.

"Wait! You'll come right?"

"I don't know." Jane replied. _I honestly don't know little one. _She exited the room, pushed the detectives aside, and felt tears forming again. She guided herself to the nearest elevator. She closed her eyes and replayed the kiss again and again inside her head She couldn't comprehend her feelings. _Hell yeah_ she was mad, upset, lost. Did she have to force herself to be happy? Happy for Maura because she'd found someone to replace her spot? _It sure looked like Maura's happy with Tanner_. Jane felt claustrophobic inside the elevator…inside her thoughts…

The doors swung open. Jane jerked her head up, eyes suddenly frightened. Angela stood directly in front of her. The two stared, in a shallow manner form Angela's side. Jane saw her raise her arm half way. She closed her eyes tightly and waited for another slap.

But seconds went by and Jane's head remained fixed. She dared to not open her eyes.

"I'm not going to hit you." Angela said calmly. And with that, Jane opened one eye before opening the next. Soon enough, Jane was being dragged from the collar on the way to the café, doing who knows what.

* * *

><p><strong> I KNOW I KNOW. <strong>

**"I really want Jane to know that Arissa is hers!"**

**"Can't they be together yet?"**

**_Not yet. _  
><strong>

**_But I promise it won't take 20+ chapters for them to be reunited again._**


	22. Denial

Twenty Two

Jane followed the tight grasp of Angela. She heard her collar rip, but only just a little. Yet, it wouldn't matter. It would most likely be in shreds by the time the evening ended. She was led to the corner of the room, away from anyone who could hear their conversation. Angela pushed Jane onto a chair before taking her own seat. They sat distantly from each other. Angela's posture was straight while Jane hunched her shoulders. She could feel her mother's eyes shooting bullets at her.

Jane was afraid to lift her head. She felt she had no right to look into her mother's eyes. She waited as each second grew more anxious. She clasped her hands together, hoping that her anxiety wasn't too obvious. For a while it did, but eventually, Jane began to shake her leg. What seemed like almost a day, Jane waited for whatever was coming to her. She listened to the sound of the cash register ringing, sound of footsteps, chatter, and ultimately her thoughts, rushing in and out at a trillion miles per hour.

Suddenly, everything around her began silent. She could only hear Angela's voice.

"Why?"

Jane stared at her mom's eyes. She could see the dark aroma of pain, confusion, and anger. It took one word for Jane to want to grab the blade from her pocket. One word and the sound of Angela's voice to remind her of the unforgettable reality.

"Why?" she asked again. If Jane was a smartass, she'd retaliate with some lame question. _Why what? Why this? What that_? But Jane knew_ exactly _what the question was aiming towards.

_What the hell do I answer to that?_

"Why?" Angela asked for the third time. Jane remained silent and looked down at the table.

_Answer damn it. _Angela thought. When she realized that she wouldn't get a reply, she moved on. "Do you know what the first six months was like?"

Jane continued to look down.

"It was worse than terrible. Worse than any pain a person could feel. _You left Jane!_ You left without a note, a call, nothing! _You left everything behind_!" Angela's voice began to rise. "You left your wife who was just in a terrible accident and your kids! _You abandoned them_!"

_Kids? _Jane looked back at her mom. "What do you mean kids? I have a kid. _No S._ Kid. Singular! Not plural_! Singular_!"

"No Jane. You've got two kids."

"I have one." Jane replied in disbelief.

"Two!"

"One. I only saw one at the hospital." Jane spat out.

"That's because your other one was off to get treatment!"

"Stop giving me lies!" Jane slammed her fists against the table, causing the room to turn "

"We thought you died." Angela stated. Jane's eyes began to grow calm. "We thought of all the worst case scenarios. We thought of reasons why you suddenly disappeared. Tommy turned out better than you." Angela let her mind run her mouth. "We had to learn to live without you and up until recently, it was fine. We had to learn to not talk about you in front of the kids. That's what Maura wanted. She never spoke directly about you until Arissa fond their birth certificates."

"I don't have a daughter." Jane mumbled.

Angela continued. "Maura had to go on maternity leave because, as you can imagine, raising two newborns on your own is real difficult, even with us helping. The entire precinct was a mess. Everyone lost their heartbeat, for some reason. It's like you were the missing cog that everyone needed. They had to readjust too. We all had hopes that you'd come back. Cavanaugh never let anyone use your desk. It's still there, just how you left it. The janitors are the ones keeping it from rotting." She massaged her temples. "But what's more important is why you left. I just told you _some_ effects. I want to, no, _we deserve_ to know why you left."

_God this is like Dr. Greene all over again. _Jane leaned against her chair. _Easy way or the just leave it. _

"Hoyt."

"What about him? He's dead. You watched him get lowered into the ground."

Jane didn't reply.

"Whatever you're afraid to say_, say it_, because if it's not me who's getting the truth from you, then you better believe that it'll be someone else."

"He's back." _Shit. I didn't mean it like that. _"Crap. I mean…I…I don't know. He's the reason I-."

"_But he's dead_." Angela emphasized. "The camera's proved that no one was there."

"What…? How the hell did you see them?"

"Vince showed me." She replied slowly. "And the guy who crashed into you, isn't the guy you're talking about."

"That still doesn't make sense." _What the hell did I see four years ago?_ Jane shook her head. "I left cause of Hoyt. He came back…or he's got another apprentice. Hell, I don't know. I left cause I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of everything." Jane replied quickly.

"That's not a good enough answer.

Jane nodded lightly. "But it's the truth."

Then the two became silent. Jane rolled up her sleeves, completely forgetting the scars on her arms.

"What happened?"

She quickly covered her arms.

"Nothing. Just work related. " She lied, again.

Unconvinced, Angela asked, "Where'd you run off to?"

"Florida."

This time, Angela was at a loss for words. "Oh…" she began to rearrange the contents of the table. "You've been there since…" Jane nodded. "How come we couldn't find you? Frankie and the boys kept trying to locate you. But after two years, they gave up. They called every police station in the country."

"I…" This would be the first time she would tell anyone about the trade off. "What I tell people is that if I work for them, they keep my name hidden. But really, I changed my name."

"To what?"

"Can't say. It would defeat the purpose of being hidden." Jane sighed. She took a moment before asking, "Will we ever be…?"

"I don't know Jane. This isn't something that can be fixed with a band aid. _You caused all of this. You caused the deepest scars that stitches won't even fix_."

Hearing the words, Jane's head throbbed for a bottle of alcohol. Her entire body tensed. She felt her body almost shut down and her eyes began to drop. She heard Angela talking, but the words didn't connect to her head. She just wanted to drown herself in alcohol.

"You're worse than your father you know?" Angela said slowly.

"I know."

"At least he didn't leave me at the hospital with newborns and-."

"I only have a son."

"You have a son _and_ a daughter."

"No I don't."

"I'll show you their birth certificates. You're listed as their mother. For Johnny _and_ Arissa."

"She's not mine, _ma_." Jane said. She stressed the last word. It felt weird saying it after four years.

"Fine. Don't believe me now, but when I get my hands on the certificate, you better be ready. She's smarter than you think." Angela said. "God, you're still stubborn." She didn't smile. "I don't know where to start Jane. I barely shared what's been buried for such a long time. I hate that you left unannounced, but I'm _so_ relieved that you're alive. I'm relieved to see you." She stopped. "But you look so thin. What happened to you?"

"I was a mess." You don't want to hear about it."

"I probably don't, but four years without coming in and out of your life. Jane, come on. I've lost the ability to create an ongoing conversation with you."

"I'm not ready to do this."

"Well you know what I'm ready to do?" she asked. "I'm ready to drive you myself to the airport and send you off to Florida."

"Funny you say that, because my boss isn't letting my travel." Jane snorted angrily. "I'm on an involuntary leave."

Angela's eyes grew wide. "How long?"

"Six months."

"So you're staying here?"

"He doesn't want me to leave the city." Jane said. She looked at Angela. "Yeah, I now. Yay." She said sarcastically.

Angela closed her eyes. "This is just too much…" she mouthed to the cashier for water. "Ever since the robbery…and finding out that you're back…it's just too much." She took out her phone. "You've been trending on Twitter since you got here."

"Oh great…" _Who the hell taught her how to use the iPhone?_

"Vince and Frankie taught me how to use it" she smiled at her phone.

"What…you two dating now?"

"That's my business to know."

Jane sighed heavily. "We're going stalemate here."

"Well that's what happens when you don't have contact for four years."

_She's right, _Jane told herself. _I don't even know how to talk to her anymore. _

"I don't know where to start." Jane finally admitted.

"So you're not even going to try? You're just going to go like you did four years ago?

Jane got up on her feet. "Why does everyone assume I'm going to run again?"

"Because that's what you do, Jane. When things don't go right, you run. You always run from the things you can't fix. When you were a teenager, you used to ace your problems head on, without fear. Now you run. You run and hide."

Jane knew she had lost the battle. She returned to her seat.

"Do you want to stay here?" Angela asked softly. "Putting aside your job. Do you want to stay?

_Yes. _"I don't know."

"Then we're back to square one. I never thought I'd see the day when I wouldn't be able to have a conversation with my daughter."

She looked sincerely into her mom's eyes. "How much do you hate me?'

Angela replied slowly. "Not enough…" Jane's eyebrows rose. "…to disown you."

Jane nodded. It was a start. She felt herself smile, but only a little. _There's still a chance to fix this._

"God, that lady never came with your water. "Jane said. _Do something good. _She got off her chair, went to the counter, only to find the main café' had closed. She went to the vending machine, rummaged through her pockets, feeling the blade, and quickly ran her hand over it. _Not tonight, Jane. _She wiggled her fingers for loose change, then bought two bottles of water, returned to the table, and handed one to Angela.

"Thanks." She barely smiled.

_It's a start._

The two drank from the bottle, instantly feeling rejuvenated. Perhaps it was the water that needed to reset several things. Jane's mind demanded answers, but the look of Angela's face reminded her that she was not in the position to get what she wanted. Instead, she went on another path.

"Uh, I…" she was cut off.

"Why'd you move to Florida out of all places? Angela held onto the bottle.

"Because…" Jane began.

_She ran home with tears while her stitches ripped open. She opened the door to their home, instantly smelling last night's meal and ran straight for their bedroom. She grabbed the nearest duffel bag and threw every piece of clothing that she could fit, minus her suits and anything that had Boston written on it. In the bathroom, she reached for her toothbrush, toothpaste, and several personal hygiene products. Then she retreated downstairs into the kitchen, before walking through every single room. She took about two minutes in each room, reliving the memories and finally, she went to the nursery. Everything had been set and was ready to be used. Jane had recently finished building the crib and several book cases. The airplanes and animals hung from the ceiling, waiting to be stared at. The chair had been set, where Jane or Maura would take turns with their newborn. It smelled of baby formula, baby lotion, and serenity. It was a new chapter waiting to be read. Jane leaned against the door frame and stared at the wall, where a family tree had been created. Next to it, laid toys from Angela and books from Constance. It seemed that everybody waited for the arrival of their baby. Even Doyle._

_ Jane closed her eyes which had begun to fill with tears as she looked into the nursery once more. She knew she had to hurry before the thought of backing out consumed her. Paranoia was all that was left inside of her. Jane threw her duffel bag on the kitchen counter. She reached over to her waist and removed her badge and gun that clung so tightly against her skin. She placed them on the kitchen counter, knowing it would be the first thing they would see. She left the house, knowing that she was leaving her family, a newborn, and her life._

_ She walked towards the nearest bus station, not knowing exactly where they would lead. Her car was no longer an option for a choice of travel. It would remind her of what she had left behind. It smelled too much of Maura and a baby seat had already been placed in the back. She wouldn't have been able to resist looking to her side and not see Maura, who would have sat so beautifully as she had ever been._

_ The bus station had been deserted. It was odd being looked at. She was used to patrolling Boston late at night and scouring the streets for any unwanted activities. She hid herself in a hood and braced herself in a hug. Once the bus arrived, Jane boarded gloomily, and drifted off to sleep, until she felt the hot Florida sun radiating on her face._

"You just woke up in Florida? Just like that?"

"I thought it would take me out West." Jane replied.

"Why didn't you keep going then?"

_Why didn't I keep going? _Jane shrugged her shoulders.

"What made you stay then?"

Stunned, Jane replied instantly. "I had to find dad."

Silence.

"That's why I stayed. We don't have to talk-."

"This is the first time we've spoken about him. Ever since…"

Jane knew exactly what she was talking about. "We don't have to-."

Angela interrupted again. "Is he married?"

"I don't know. I think it's best you don't hear-."

"Why does everyone think they know that's best for me to hear? I'm a grown woman! I can take these things!" Angela's voice rose ever louder. "Does he have…?"

"Yes ma… I saw two and according to him, another one on the way." Jane said. "I told you, we don't have to talk about it."

"But we are." She declared. "Does he know why you were in Florida?"

"Yeah. But I only saw him for the first time since…erm, about two weeks ago."

"Out of the entire four years?"

Jane nodded. "Well, since he first left…plus the four years."

The statement hung in the air. Both were screaming to say everything, yet they kept their thoughts to themselves. Another day would do, if there was another day to spare.

"Is Maura happy, ma? I mean with Tanner?"

"She's got someone by her side all the time."

"Yeah, but is she happy?"

_I don't even know. But it doesn't look like it. _"It fills the void in her heart."

"How long have they been together?"

"I'm not at liberty to talk about this anymore. You know that."

Jane nodded again. "Uh…Johnny…invited me to his birthday."

Angela's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah…" she fiddled with her scars on her palm. "He told me where it's going to be…"

"I don't understand. He just flat out invited you?"

"Yeah… It'll be at Boston Common right?"

She ignored the question. "He doesn't know Jane. Well, _they_ don't know you're their other mother. They know you're related somehow. Riss figured it out, well not really. She questioned the last name when she found the birth certificates and why we never mentioned you."

What am I supposed to do, huh? To them, I'm just Detective Jane Rizzoli. The detective who interviewed them."

"Are you going?" Angela asked. She nearly ripped her hair out.

"I don't know." She genuinely replied.

"_If_ you do, don't be surprised with everyone's reaction." She said. "And _if_ you do come, remember that it's Johnny _and_ Arissa's birthday."

"I don't have a daughter."

"_Yes_ you do."

Having enough of the whole conversation, Jane looked at her watch. "It's getting late. I should get going." They both got up and walked side by side to the door.

Jane asked again. "Is she happy?"

Angela took a moment before replying. "She was never happy." She walked away into the elevator and looked at Jane before the door closed.

Jane walked out into the parking lot and entered her car. The first thing to crash into her mind was the little face of Arissa. She drove towards her temporary apartment and went over her conversation with Angela. The stalemate conversation. Many points stood out to her, particularly one. Jane forced the words out of her mouth.

"Arissa is mine?"

* * *

><p><strong>Angst.<strong>


	23. Party Must Go On

**I'm spacing out the following events. **

**Also, I'm deciding whether or not Jane goes to the birthday party.**

**...and if Tanner's going to pop the question again.**

* * *

><p>Twenty Three<p>

Five Days Later

It truly felt great to walk, only with a slight limp, up to her house. Maura listened to Johnny's constant chattering about how excited he was to play with his toys again. Behind her, Tanner, who carried Arissa with a full grasp, and Angela, along with Frankie, carried several bags and platters of leftover food. Maura opened the door, tightly clutching the almost foreign door knob, and slowly turned it. She took in the second deepest breath of her life; first being the time when she gave birth to Johnny and Arissa, and watched Johnny run straight to the couch. He soon began to roll all over the ground before lying completely on his back.

_It's good to be home, _Maura thought as she placed her keys on the table. Everyone else made their way to the living room. Frankie was the first to sit where Johnny soon crawled up to his lap. Angela stay close by and Tanner walked as slowly as possible to the next available seat and continued to cradle Arissa into his arms. Maura had no idea what to say about Tanner. She shrugged it off and sat next to him, while checking on Arissa.

"Should I go make something to eat?" Angela offered.

"I'm good." Frankie said. He looked towards Maura.

"I think I'd prefer to rest instead. Thank you." She replied.

"I'll grab something later. I've got my hands full." Tanner said. He looked towards Arissa and kissed her forehead. Angela looked away.

"Alright…Johnny, do you want to eat?"

"No thanks, nonna." He replied.

Tanner cleared his throat. "This may not be the right time to say, but we've already set invites out. Will there be a party still?"

_What do you mean we? You merely suggested ideas that Maura agreed on. _Angela nearly cracked her jaw as she listened to Tanner

"Are you guys healthy enough to-." Angela began.

Johnny jumped off of his uncle's lap. "I still want a party! Please! I want to go to the park! I want to play with the balloons!"

Arissa woke up. "Party?"

"Hi there." Tanner said. "Glad to see you awake, sweetie. We're talking about our birthday party."

_Sweetie? _Angela looked horrified.

"Mommy! Don't cancel it! Please!" Johnny pleaded.

"What? Mommy? Why are you canceling it?"

"Honey, we're not." Maura replied quickly. "We're discussing whether or not we should have it. We _just_ came back from the hospital!"

"But we've been resting!" Johnny said.

"He has a good point." Tanner added.

"Plus, it's in two days! Mommy! We can get better in two days!"

"Mommy please!"

They began to whine. Maura looked at Angela.

"Kids," Angela said. "We'll see what happens in two days, okay?"

"So we're still having a party?" Johnny asked.

"We'll see how you are tomorrow and on the day of."

"Yay! So we're still having a party!"

Frankie smiled and rolled his eyes. "Okay…let's get you to bed before you get hyper from…whatever." He turned to Maura for permission. She replied with a nod. "Come on bud."

"Yeah, I'll put Arissa to bed." Tanner said. He got up and kissed Maura. "I'll be right back."

Angela and Maura watched the two men disappear into the stairs. Maura leaned back and rested her head against the pillow. She allowed her body to completely sink into the couch.

"Would you like me to get you anything?" Angela asked.

"No…it's alright. Please, just sit with me for a while." She patted on the empty seat next to her.

"If you say so." Angela responded. The two sat in harmony; the first time really since the robbery. Maura continued her breathing exercises and smelled the air. In the last six years of living in her home, she'd forgotten the smell of it, almost as if it vanished. He took another breathe in and smelled lavender oozing all throughout her house. It has been a while since she's truly smelled her house. Years passed and suddenly, it just became another thing. And as she took another breath, tears streamed down her face. Maura sniffled, trying to keep it silent. She nearly choked on her breath; her own years; her own suppressed feelings. Her house smelled of lavender. An easy going breeze of lavender. It _still_ smelled like Jane and it sent Maura into a deep panic.

"I've always wondered why you never changed the Febreze scent." Angela spoke.

_She notices it too. _"I…" her voice cracked. Maura wiped her tears and thought for a moment, trying to remember past trips to the super market. "I…it became a habit, now that I think about it. I never noticed what I was buying, you know? You walk into a store and just reach out for the things you need. I suppose _impulse _would be another word to…to."

Angela nodded. She understood quickly at a lack of better words. She knew it was Jane who first bought the semi expensive product. In fact, it was Jane who convinced Maura to use Febreze over a $500 machine that does exactly the same job.

"She told me about what Johnny did." Angela mumbled. "Do you think she'll actually go?"

Maura thought about it. "I don't know what would make her go. Her appearance wouldn't be much of an impact to the kids."

"Speaking of the _kids_," Angela said. "She…how do I say this? Jane doesn't believe Arissa's hers."

"What?" Maura sat up straight. "What do you mean?"

"She kept denying that she has a daughter every time I mentioned it."

"What…what made her deny it?"

"It's actually pretty logical, coming from her. Jane claimed that she only saw Johnny after they were born…but there were two beds…"

Maura nodded in agreement. "I remember…" tears fell from her eyes once more as she relived that dreadful evening again. "All this time…she's only known Johnny."

"I tried to convince her. Who knows if it worked though? She had to know. She had to know about Arissa. I had this feeling…" Angela leaned over to the table and retrieved several tissues. "Here." She handed them over to Maura. "It keeps getting complicated."

"Did…did she ask anything else?" Maura asked quietly.

Angela nodded.

"What did she ask?"

"She asked if you were happy." She replied quietly.

"What did you say?"

Tanner and Frankie walked down the stairs. The two looked at them. Maura quickly wiped her eyes and turned back to Angela for an answer.

Frankie cut in. "They're both asleep."

"Yeah. Johnny fell asleep as he was telling Frankie about how excited he was for the party." Tanner said with a smile. "I should get going. I gotta clear out a few things so my weekend is open for the party." He walked over towards Maura, lean in to give a kiss, and whispered to her ear. "My question still stands and I will wait for you answer." He waved to Angela and shook Frankie's hand. He left the house without saying another word.

Frankie awkwardly stood in his place. He heard the whisper and looked at Maura for any sign of acceptance. Angela continued to sit, stunned at the fact that she received very little respect from Tanner. _But_ it wouldn't matter. Tanner was trying to win Maura's heart. Not hers. _But_, that wouldn't be the only thing that would matter as well. If he won Maura's heart, they would be a part of the package, regardless of what Tanner pleaded. Angela only hoped that he wouldn't win Maura's heart. However, she had to sugarcoat her lies with words of encouragement.

"Are you going to marry him?" Angela asked. She tried to smile.

"It's too soon to tell." Maura replied quietly.

Frankie sat opposite of Angela. He kept quiet, hoping to not say anything he would later regret. The bags under his eyes highlighted against the lamps. He closed his eyes and waited for the two women to talk. He wondered what was going through everyone's mind and how everyone coped with the recent events. They really hadn't had a family discussion about it, as it was badly needed. But as Frankie thought about it, the discussion would be nearly impossible to even hold. Tommy lived nearly two hours away. Frankie himself began working endless shifts to save up for the wedding and quite possibly their first home. Not only that, the birthday party would be held in two days and as Frankie thought more about it, he concluded that everyone was dealing with the same thing. How they coped with it, was another thing. He looked at Maura and could only see conflict. He didn't know how else to help her. He then looked at Angela. More conflict. All he saw was conflict, even in himself. He looked at Maura again, this time, noticing the lines on her forehead. He saw a woman whose life basically fell apart when the love of her life walked out, leaving her with two kids. Frankie could only imagine what it's like to be in her position. He closed his eyes once more and prayed that Tommy won't leave his wife and three young kids. He prayed for himself too. He prayed and hoped that there would never be a reason for him to just pick up and leave. Next, he thought of Jane and wondered if he could ever find a space in his heart to forgive her. As of now, it was close to impossible. How could he forgive the one person who he looked up to, especially when she did the one thing nobody expected. He could no longer look up to anyone. Not his dad. Not even his sister. He had to be the role model now. And so did Tommy.

_Whatever. _Frankie thought.

"Angela?" Maura said.

"Yes dear?"

"Are _you_ going to forgive Jane?"

Frankie quickly opened his eyes. So did Angela.

"Like you said earlier. It's too soon to tell."

Frankie could not detect the emotions implied in the reply. But it echoed throughout his mind. It was too soon to tell. How could they be sure of anything at this point?


	24. Loving Rizzoli Men

**Angst.**

* * *

><p>Twenty Four<p>

Day before the party

The dream returned. It had the absolute perfect timing. In her first few months, possibly even days of nomading her life in Florida, the dream would work her out relentlessly. Guilt, regret, and pain anguished inside of her, causing deep rages to make her lay restless at the dead of night. The first time Jane dreamed of it, she nearly cocooned herself. It scared every ounce of life from her. It haunted her nights and blinded her during the day. It was unbearable to see the sunlight, for a chance to see some couple with a newborn, would completely collapse her tumbling foundation. The second time she dreamed of it, the intensity wasn't as great and overpowering as the first, but the momentum still dragged her by the neck. By the fifteenth or maybe even the twenty third time, it became a part of her routine, so much that Jane was convinced that she would _never _return home. That no matter what she did, the possibility of that dream would never come true. But the dream came back again, only after a few weeks. The case in Boston caused the uttermost interruption in Jane's mind, sending the dream back to its roots. At the dead of night, Jane's unconscious state went into frenzy. The dream returned. And all hopes of not returning home made a complete 180 degree turn.

_It's strange waking up at four in the morning, yet it should be completely normal for me. It should be, but it's not, because I wake up to the sudden nose of crying. A very feint cry. I almost couldn't hear it, but my instinct kicked in. I get up and I immediately feel the cold December chill. This year seems to be colder than usual. The room is dark, though I still close my eyes because I can still feel our pictures staring at me, as if she were still here. This will be my first Christmas with her. It's ridiculous and immensely painful what one month can do to a person. Last month, right on Thanksgiving Day, I was surrounded by family. I had everyone I ever loved. We were still waiting for the arrival of our kid. Hell, we all were. The follow day, Maura's water broke and soon after, I became a mom. Two days after their birth, I walk back into the hospital room, finding that a new patient had occupied it. I run back to the nurses, asking where the hell my wife was. They all looked confused. They said she left with me. But the thing is, she never did._

_ And here I am, closing my eyes in a room that's already dark, walking and pacing my steps towards the sound of the cries. I open the door and quickly recognize the sound of the cry. My son. My son is crying. He's probably hungry…or who knows what. I don't know. I hate to admit it, but I'm not cut out for this mother job. I look over to the other crib and find a baby. I know there's a baby. I can se the outline of the blanket against the pillow. I can hear that baby sleeping so soundly. I don't know how to explain it. But every time I see that baby, it's always a blur. I rock my son and forth until his little eyes close again._

_ I place my son on his crib, closing the door, and walk back into my room. My vision has adjusted to the dark. I can see where the pictures are, where Maura put her things, and the last things she ever touched. I return to my bed where it smells of Maura, where her body's imprints still lay on the mattress, where the warmth of her body is trapped in between the sheets. I wonder how many things. I wonder where Maura, my dear wife, went off to. It's been nearly a month. I don't want to assume the worse, because when you love someone, you always hope for the best. I think about the other child and why it's always a blur. I cover myself with the blanket and finally say, "You can't put a face to what you don't know."_

Jane quickly shoved her pillow off to the side, knocking over her phone, the lamp, and a glass full of water. She gripped her palms to find it drenched with sweat. Her breathing is quickly and extremely shallow. She brushed off strands of hair that blocked her face and blindly reached for her phone. She swiped her finger across the screen.

_3:16 am. What the hell am I still doing here? _Jane removed the pillow from behind her head and smashed it against her face. Her shirt, as she now noticed, was also drenched in sweat. As she recollected her thoughts, Jane remembered the dream.

"Why the hell do you decide to make a damn appearance now?" Jane said out loud. She knew what was coming next; an all too familiar cycle that exists only once the dream has been, for the lack of better words, _activated_. No matter what Jane did, she could never stop her tears from overflowing. The pillow did its job, temporarily. It soaked up what it could before making the pillow case stick to Jane's face. She threw the pillow on the ground, rubbed her forearm across her eyes, and blinked several times. It wouldn't matter if her eyes were closed or not. She had no way of blocking the visual replays of the dream from her head. She felt her eyes dilate and squirm in a rapid motion. This was the only cycle Jane failed to overcome.

Several minutes later, Jane regained her composure. She got up, removed her Florida State Police shirt, suddenly feeling the air condition against her cold and naked top. Goosebumps formed at the tips of her breasts and all around her shoulders. Reason being because of the dream, not the cold. It always caused a hysterical fit. Jane quickly ran towards her luggage. She wiped off the unwanted strands of dust and web. She rummaged for another shirt, this time a plain dark one, and slipped it on. Next on her self-driven cycle, she went to the bathroom and like many times before, she splashed water on her face six times. Then she dried off with her new shirt and gave every ounce of strength she could give to look straight into the mirror.

"You're a monster, Jane." She said as she looked the reflection of her arm. "You've built _so much_, only to knock it down." She hovered her hand over the scars that stood like mountains in the sky. All she saw was unhealed scars. Wounds that never received its proper car. _Self-_inflicted wounds that never failed to remind her of the things she's done.

Jane's mind went out of control, as if she were a drug user getting a high. She stretched out her arms. Sense of balance was out of the picture. Whatever self made chemicals that were building up in Jane's brain, slowly made everything unbalanced every particle inside of her. It deteriorated her as slow as how the moon moves away from the Earth. All in all, Detective Jane Rizzoli is half way before the total mass destruction.

Jane began laughing. Laughing at…._particularly_ nothing. Tears still pocketed her eyes. She held onto the counter for support. She still hovered over the scars. She pretended that her hand was an airplane and that her arm was the runway. Only thing is, she'd never land. Jane Rizzoli never touches her scars. Never on purpose at least. Even the most gentle touch would send Jane to the wildest rage, not even King Kong would overcome. Her scars were hypersensitive…more sensitive than those given by _Hoyt. _Even to wind. The lies she had to create, just to hide what she's done, were difficult to keep consistent. If anyone knew, it would most likely jeopardize her career. But she kept _flying _her hand and would _almost _land. And it was a mistake when she allowed herself to fall back, hitting her head against the cold white tiles. She fell, not knowing that she had grasped tightly on her arm.

She screamed and she screamed loud, as she saw the connection between her hand and arm. For the first time since…well, first time really, Jane felt each and every scar on her left arm. The longest one started from her wrist and lasted all the way to her cubital fossa. She laughed wildly when she muttered it in her head. _Cubital fossa. _She'd learn it from Maura years ago. She learned it when she got a splinter in her _elbow pit_, where Maura corrected her by saying _cubital fossa. _The scar felt raw and rough. She wondered just how deep she had cut. As she traced it with her finger, her entire body ached. It sent the most painful sensation, as if a magnet was being forced right through her skin. The next three scars laid perpendicular to the longest one. They were evenly spaced apart at approximately 2 inches apart. All three scars were red and when Jane applied pressure, she could see blood seeping to the skin. Only now did she notice how her arms trembled.

_I must have hit a nerve or something._

The other arm bore the same story, only this time the scars were random and moved towards her upper arm. She touched them, this time tighter than usual, and screamed. She screamed and cried at the same time, nearly choking. Slowly, she moved her body towards the corner of the bathroom and continued to cry. Moments later, when she could no longer produce tears, she slowly returned to normal, heading into the next stage of her cycle; guilt and anger.

As visions from her dream continued to batter her, Jane continued to scream. Whatever she did to try and prevent the visions, did not work. It wore her out until exhaustion took over her entire body. She laid flat on the ground, excusing the cold tiles against her skin. Jane began to breathe heavily as if she had just finished running. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, hoping to calm down. By the time she reached 8, the visions progressed to an even intensified rate. Jane got up and leaned against the counter.

"What have you done?" she stared into the mirror in a demonic way. Her chocolate eyes darkened in shade. "What have you done?" she asked once more. The visions were coming at a faster rate. She stared at the mirror and saw herself raising her kids on her own. "Why the hell do you keep saying kids? You only have one." She saw herself laying in bed and wondering where Maura went. Then the final question hit her.

What if the roles were reversed?

The cycle _usually _ended here. _Usually, _Jane would do everything just so her conscience mind won't answer the question. _Usually, _she'd run to her stash of alcohol and drink until she fell asleep. _Usually. _In this case, there was no alcohol nearby. Driving to the nearest liquor store was out of question. News of her arrival caused disruption all throughout Boston. And she was sure she was the _hot _topic for many newspapers. Being outside for any reason was a risk she had to contemplate on.

The cycle took a different path this time. Jane took the time to answer the dreaded question. What _if _the roles were reversed?

"If the roles were reversed," Jane whispered. She closed her eyes, this time letting her mind ease itself. "If the roles were reversed," she took in a deep breath, "If the roles were reversed, I'd be worried. I'd wonder how the hell I would raise my kid with such a demanding job." Jane tightened her fists. "I'd wonder where my wife is and do everything in my power to find her." Tears streamed down her face again, "Somewhere deep inside of me I know I'll be angry. How would I ever do this alone? How would I adjust to this sudden life style?" she tightened her fists even more "And if one day, out of nowhere, the love of my life returns, I wouldn't know what to feel." She released the tensions in her fists. "This is how she probably feels."

Jane's face softened up. She'd overcome an obstacle. No. She just overcame _the _obstacle she'd been refusing to go through. An immense amount of guilt continued to purge her. She cried and wept loudly. She tried to apologize, but to what? And for what? She couldn't fathom the words.

She didn't bother to dry off her face as she walked back to her bed. She recollected the contents from the ground. Her phone, pillow, the glass, and the lamp. She checked the time. 4:38 am. She'd spent nearly an hour and a half in the bathroom. She covered herself with the blanket and realization hit her.

"It makes sense." She mumbled. "Two babies. I could never…never see the other face…because…I…I never saw her at the-" she yawned. "hospital. Arissa is…is…" she couldn't say it. "She's _Johnny's sister. She's _the other baby in my dream." She then closed her eyes and said, "But…I need proof."

ˣˣ

"Hey Frankie! Would you be useful and help me out?" Tommy yelled. He carried a backpack, two luggages, and his sons, Dylan and Daniel.

"Didn't know you came man, chill out!" Frankie replied, "Hey! My two nephews! Come here!" he grabbed them from Tommy. "Why'd you bring so many things? You're only staying for the weekend! Where are Heather and Dakota?"

"Thanks," Tommy said. "We're heading to Heather's parents on Monday. They're in town this week."

"Perfect timing, huh? So where are they?"

"They're back in the car. Dakota had a little _oopsie _in the car."

"Fatherhood burnin' you out yet, little bro?" Frankie laughed.

"It never does. Maybe you should try it sometime."

"Someday." Frankie replied with a smile.

"Where's ma?"

"In the kitchen with Sydney. They just came back from the store."

"Is Maura here?"

"Nah. Ma told her and the kids to rest up. Johnny really begged for the party to go on."

"What a Rizzoli." Tommy laughed. "I'll be right back. I gotta put these upstairs."

"Alright." He turned to his nephews. "You guys wanna see Nonna?" he walked into the kitchen. "Look whose here!"

"What?" Angela yelled. "I didn't hear them drive up!"

"That's what I said! Say hi to Nonna and Aunt Sydney!"

Angela walked up to them and smacked a kiss on their cheeks. Frankie looked at Sydney.

"What are you so happy about?" he asked.

"Oh…nothing." She continued to smile. "Seeing you carry them makes you look good."

"It does Frankie. It brings out your arms. It doesn't make you look so…bulgy. Plus, Sydney and I were talking about grandchildren."

"You did not…and what? Ma? I'm fit!"

"Relax, hun." Sydney said. "She just told me how much she…_expects_ from us."

"_Ma_. Oh God. We're not even married! Can't this wait till _after _the wedding?" Frankie said. "How many did she say? One?"

"Plus three." She replied.

Frankie's eyes widened. "Ma? You want _four _from us?"

"I'm not getting any younger!"

"Whoa whoa! It's still early morning!" Tommy said as he came down from the stairs. "Why are we all yelling?"

"She asked for the magic number." Sydney replied.

Tommy looked at Angela. "No way! How many?"

"Hey hey! Why are you smiling?" Frankie asked.

"Ma! How many?"

"Four." Angela smiled.

"One more than us! Ha!" Tommy said. He walked towards the door. "I'll be back. I'm going to get Heather and Dakota."

"Ma, really?"

"Three is fine…" she said. "Come on. Give me one of them. Your arms are shaking!"

"They are not! And just cause you said that, you're not getting any of them!" Frankie headed for the couch. "_We're _going to watch some baseball. Isn't that right Dylan and Daniel?"

Angela returned to Sydney. "I love poking fun at him."

Sydney laughed. "Are you serious about four?"

"Yes. When am I never serious about this?" Angela smiled. "But if that's too much to ask, at least go for two."

"How long have you been bugging him about grandkids?"

"After he graduated from the Police Academy. But not as much since Maura and J-." she stopped. "You know…since Johnny and Arissa were born. It really brought the heat to them."

Sydney stood up, somewhat unconvinced. "You know you can talk to me about her."

Angela pretended she didn't understand. "Who?"

"J-."

"Look whose here!" Tommy yelled from the door. He held Dakota in his arms. Heather followed behind with several more bags.

Relieved, Angela went towards her granddaughter. "Hi, my baby. It's good to see you again." She snuggled Dakota in her arms. "Good to see you too, Heather. I heard she made an oopsie?"

"She accidentally spilled milk everywhere. It got on the window, seats, everywhere!"

"Oh…do you still need help cleaning up?" Angela asked.

"I'm fine, thank. Could you hold her for a while? I'm going to put these upstairs." Heather asked. She waved to Sydney.

"Sure sure! Go ahead. Take your time!"

Tommy went to Frankie. "Give me one of them!"

"Tommy! They are not footballs that you can throw and catch with! Be a little more careful around them!" Angela yelled.

"Calm down, ma! No one's crying yet!"

Angela went back to Sydney.

_Please don't talk about Jane. Not here. Not now._

"Hi Dakota." Sydney played with her little hands. "Hi there. Whose got the cutest face ever?"

"You'd make a great mom, you know?"

"Thanks…someday I will be." Sydney winked.

Angela smiled but was distracted by the thought of Jane. She handed Sydney the young baby and stared at the TV.

_I need to talk to Tommy and Frankie. It's time we had the…talk. But how do I get them without bringing the entire family?_

Trying to make a quick plan, she suddenly yelled. "Oh no! I forgot to get something!"

"What? Jeez ma!" Tommy yelled. "Are you trying to give us a heart attack?"

"What do you need, ma?"

_Perfect. _"I forgot the mix! Tommy, Frankie! Take me to the store!"

"Take Frankie!" Tommy said. "I just drove nearly two hours in traffic!"

"_Tommy. Frankie. _Let's go!" she turned to Sydney. "Tell Heather we went to the store. Will you be able to hold the fort down?"

"Of course! Go ahead!"

"Thank you, sweetheart." Angela smiled. "Come on, boys!"

_It's time we do this._

"Frankie's driving!" Tommy threw the keys at him. "Fatherhood burns me out."

"Oh, don't wink at me!" Frankie yelled.


	25. Assuming is for Tomorrow

Twenty Five

Jane woke up with the most painful headache. It wasn't just pain in her temples. It ached by her neck, at the top of her head, and all around.

_Shit. What the hell? What happened? _She then checked the time. 8:42 am. She'd only gotten close to five hours of sleep. Jane moved to the side of the bed and hunched over.

"Six days," she said loudly, "Six days and there's a chance to see them tomorrow."

She got up too quickly and felt uneasy. In the kitchen, she found an instant coffee maker and made three cups. Next to the sink, a loaf of bread covered in aluminum foil, stared at Jane.

"Hmm…I wonder how long that's been there." She reached out of it and quickly retrieved her hand when an insect appeared from beneath the foil. "God, what the hell." Her appetite suddenly disappeared. "Thank you Captain Brown for a decent roof over my head."

The fridge barely had anything to fill Jane's stomach. No water. No beer. Nothing at all. Giving up, she returned to the living room. She sat on the couch. The old and lumpy couch. Only now did she realize how crappy it was; ever crappier than the one she owned many years ago. But it did its job. It helped her think, which really, was the last thing she wanted to do.

Like a thousand bricks falling on top of her, the first wave of thoughts smashed her _hard. _She closed her eyes and immediately, Maura's face appeared. Not that it hasn't…but it appeared once more, just as she left them, six days ago, at the hospital. Then followed, like bullets, the faces of Angela, Johnny, Frankie, and _Arissa._

"Tomorrow's the day." Jane sighed. "I could completely blow it off or I can go and get the nastiest looks." She threw her hands over her eyes. "Keep it simple, Jane. You go or you don't go." She got up and paced the room. "I either go or I don't go." Jane began to fidget with her hands, feeling the dents in her palms. "I'll go to make a little boy happy. Psh. He probably forgot about me, anyways. Why the hell should I go? Nothing's good over there. No one wants me there! Everyone's going to start a war with me. I'll mess up the whole day for them!"

She returned to the couch. _I wish I could call someone. _But she couldn't. She had no one to call; _no one _who would truly understand the full extent of her troubles. Then an idea popped in her mind.

_No. I can't do that. I can't call him._

Taking a deep breath, she reached out for her phone and dialed the number.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

She vigorously tapped her fingers on her lap, listening intently for the dial tone. _He's not going to answer. He's not going to answer. _Almost hanging up, Jane heard a voice on the other line.

"Hello?" the voice replied.

"H-hello? Jane replied, her voice coarse.

"Jane? Is that you?"

_He answered. He actually fucking answered._

She cleared her throat, "Yeah…yeah, it's me…da- Frank."

"Hm, still calling me by my name," he sighed, "What is it, Jane? I'm in the hospital right now. Can you make this quick?"

Jane's heart raced, but only a little. "Why…why are you…?"

"My…uh…she's in labor right now." He said quietly.

_Oh. _"Then…I'll just…hang-."

"Hold it." He said sternly. "You called. I never thought I'd hear from you again…despite everything…"

"Nah…it's nothing. You should get back to…whatever her name is."

"_Jane," _he said. "What is it? You must have something botherin' you if you decide to call _me."_

"Frank. Your…she needs you. Go back to her." Jane said, almost feeling the pain anguish in her heart.

"Jane. Tell me. What's wrong?" Frank asked. Silence followed.

"It's Johnny's birthday tomorrow." _And Arissa's apparently. But I can't tell him that. I don't believe it yet. _"He invited me…as in ….he told me, in front of everyone, where and when."

"Oh…and how did _everyone _take it?"

"They didn't say anything or show much. But…but I knew they wanted to cover his mouth or something."

"Do you want to go?"

"Well, I shouldn't, because everyone's going to give me shit looks. I'll just be standing there while everyone's…in their happy little bubble."

"But Jane, do _you _want to go?" he asked again.

"And I'll just make everything…less happy. Me just being invited is already bringing them down. _Hell_, me just being in Boston, is making everyone…not want me at all."

"You don't know that. Do you want to go?"

"Johnny's not going to appreciate my full appearance because _he doesn't know me."_

"Jane, for God's sake. Answer the question! _Do you want to go?"_

"I…"

"I'm only asking what _you _want to do."

She had to think about it. Did she want to go?

"Forget about everyone. Just think about what you want to do. Remember, _Johnny _invited you. Not them. _He _wants _you _there. It's his special day. The birthday boy always gets what he wants on his special day. I mean…that's how we raised you…er, anyways, do you want to go?"

He made a point and she made up her mind. "Y-yeah…I want to go."

"There you go."

"I…I realized how much I missed when I interviewed him. He likes the Red Sox, Frank. He says they're the best team." She smiled slightly. "I…I don't want to miss anything else."

Frank hesitated, "At least you're going back to your family. Even if it's in this condition."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." He replied quickly. "Look, I gotta go. And Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Take in every second you have…And uh, I'd like to hear from you more often." He paused. "If it's okay with you."

"We'll see. Bye Frank."

"Bye Jane… be good tomorrow." He hung up. She looked at the screen. The call lasted nearly 2 minutes.

_It seemed longer._

She got over the fact that she even bothered to call _Frank_, that he answered, and ultimately gave her the push to make up her decision.

"I'm going." Jane said to the ceiling. She got up. "I'm going!" Heading into her room, she yelled once more. "I'm going tomorrow!" A rush of exhilaration drowned her body. She grabbed the nearest and cleanest jacket, reached for her keys, badge, and gun, and headed towards her rented car.

Jane drove towards the outskirts of Boston, only to avoid the familiar buildings and anyone who could recognize her. She regrettably checked the latest trends on _Twitter_; and sure enough, her name took up the first three slots. She didn't bother to click on a specific tweet. They all said the same thing. It was _clear _she was not welcome in Massachusetts, let alone in Boston. It was _clear _she had been exiled from her own home, _by her own doing._

She sped from lane to lane, feeling the hot Boston air trickle through the car. In a way, it felt good to be driving in Boston. It was nice to hear everyone curse at the smallest things and listen to the pure impatience of each and every driver. At the red light, she thought about _gifts_. She knew what to get Johnny. It was easy. Plain and simple. She'd give several signed jersey's, trading cars from the 40's all the way to the 70's; a gift from Maura that Jane never traveled without, even to this day. Then she'd add several more items, little throw in things, and give a card. Plain and simple. But what do you give a child who has a mom that can provide everything? She couldn't ask Gordon to send her the 2007 Red Sox World Series Team signed helmet, yet another gift from Maura. She didn't like the idea of Gordon going into her apartment in Florida, except for a few drunken exceptions. Besides, there wouldn't be enough time for the helmet to be shipped in Boston. With Johnny's gift in mind, it occurred to Jane that she would be giving what Maura bought her many years ago. And it struck no odd feelings. But it should have.

Driving and looking for something became a specialty of Jane that she mastered back in Florida. It became natural for her to look out the window to search for something and know just when to swerve out of traffic. It was in Boston that her skill met a challenge. Not only that, but the frustration led Jane to almost hit several cars in front of her. What was she going to get Arissa? Hell, she had no idea why she was even shopping for the little girl. But Angela's voice echoed in her mind.

_"Johnny and Arissa's birthday."_

In complete denial, Jane prompted not getting a gift for her at all. As the days passed leading to Frank's call today, Jane made a complete change of heart.

"What the hell do I buy to a kid that's supposedly mine?" Jane muttered as she scanned the stores. "I don't even know what she likes."

She found a parking spot on the side of the road and inserted coins into the meter, enough for seven hours, _just in case. _She continued to look down the block on both sides and across the streets. None of the stores really yelled out for Jane's attention. There was a book store, antique shop, a boutique, Whole Foods Market, and more stores that would fit perfectly in the 80's.

"No kid store." Jane sighed. People began to stare at her. She quickly put on her sunglasses…as if that was going to hide anything. She quickly walked towards the bookstore while she listened to the feint gasps and comments.

She opened the door a little too rough, enough for the sound of the bell to ring and have _more _people look at her.

_Great. Exactly what I need. _She removed her sunglasses and stared at the store clerk who couldn't be more obvious with his emotions. The man returned his attention to the customer in front of him, and by the looks of it, he recognized Jane. She made her way towards the children's section. It sent Jane back to her own childhood. The first book Jane noticed was _Clifford the Big Red Dog_. She picked one up and began to flip through the pages. Then a little child ran in front of her, followed by his mom. Jane moved to the side and continued reading. She listened to the young boy and watched, from the corner of her eye, him throw every book onto the ground and beg his mother to read to him. After a few seconds, the mother obliged, sat down, and began to read to him. Looking at the two, Jane felt a knot of pain in her stomach. She saw herself and Johnny in the likes of the child and his mother. _If _Jane never left, she could have read thousands of stories at night. She could have gone to the bookstore just to spend time with her on. If only. All the could haves and would haves. It only made Jane angry…at herself. She returned the book, without looking back at the mother and child. She left the children's section, feeling heavy, and went to another part of the store.

"Maybe I should get her a book." She mumbled. She reached the older part of the store. It had antiques, old couches, and a small area to read. She went to the nearest bookshelf. They were thick books and the sign that hovered over the area didn't lie. The books were beyond old, beyond the description, beyond _anything. _Each book had its own special casing and next to it, a description of the book and a price. The first book she saw was the Complete Set of Works of Edgar Allan Poe. According to the card, it was the cheapest in their rare collection, _at a low price of only $19,500._

"Jesus!" Jane took a step back, "My first car was only $600!" She said as she went to the next book. _The Old Man and the Sea_ by Ernest Hemingway listed at $23,500, caught Jane's attention, only because she remembered reading it many years ago, due to Maura's pleading. Despite the outrageous prices, Jane felt like she was at the right section of the store. "I'll get her a book." She looked toward the Poe section, "Just not that expensive."

Walking around more unfamiliar authors, Jane contemplated on what type of book to get. "She doesn't look like she'd read children's novel." She stood on her toes and canvassed the area, though there wasn't much to see. The book store was awfully small and did not have a wide variety, well for a kid really. But this was Maura's kid!

"Hey brain level capacity is probably better that a person with a PhD!"

At the corner of her eye, Jane spotted a book, all on its own, shinning under a light. _I have to get this._ She walked towards the green book and read the card on the side.

"Published in 1930, previously owned by President John F. Kennedy and President Bill Clinton. Official records are kept at cashier and a copy on your left," Jane looked to her left, "show further history. This copy of the book, _Pride and Prejudice _by Jane Austen is the only copy left. A rare and cheap find retailing at $754. See cashier for more details."

Jane looked back at the book. "$754? What in hell's world-." $754 was something Jane had in her bank accounts. But spending so much on a book? It nearly hurt Jane just to look at it once more. Doubts rushed into her mind. The possibility of Maura owning the book was high. In fact, Jane remembered a book by Jane Austen sitting in their bookshelf…years ago. But she couldn't remember the title. She didn't want to remember.

Jane continued to stare at the book until another store clerk walked up to her.

"It's a one of a kind. Actually, the only one of its kind. Reasonably priced too."

Jane widened her eyes at him. "Reasonably priced?"

"Aah, you must be…new at this."

"Sure…whatever that means. Can I take a look at it?"

"Will you be purchasing it?" he asked.

"I'd like to see it first." Jane said sternly.

"I'm sorry, but store policy requires us to know if a customer is going to buy a rare collectable to ensure-."

She moved her jacket to reveal her badge. "I just want to see it."

"Oh." He suddenly sounded nervous. "Please understand that it's store policy. We don't want to expose our older books to air if they don't need to."

_People are looking Rizzoli. Don't cause a scene. _She had to make a decision. Did she want to spend so much on a book? Did she was to risk purchasing a book that most home had? _What if _Arissa doesn't like it? _What if _she's already read it? Closing her eyes, she said to the clerk, "Yes…yes I'll buy it."

The clerk looked scared to smile. But he did. He returned to the counter to get the keys and several things that Jane did not understand the need for. He promptly put his gloves on, opened the glass, and wrapped the book in a sealed bag.

"Let's go to the counter." He said. Jane nodded.

_What? If it needs that much care, is it such a good idea to give it to a kid?_

Jane watched the man gently place it on the counter. He dug into one of the binders for papers. Jane looked at the other store clerk. He tried to hide the newspaper with hi hands, but it wasn't enough. Jane _knew _it was _her _picture that the man was hiding. She glared at him until he _excused _himself.

"Please sign your name on the highlighted areas."

"What's this for?"

"Just for records. We like to keep track on who owns the book."

"No insurance or something?"

"Not at all…the book is…irreplaceable. It's the-."

"Only copy. Yeah, I got it." She signed the papers.

"How will you be paying?"

"Uhh, card."

"Okay. May I have your I.D?" he asked. "Company-."

"Policy. _I know. _Here." She handed the card and watched him swipe it. "Thanks."

"There's a no exchange or return…policy." _Well shit. _"If you have any questions regarding the book, there's a number you can call." He handed the book over, "Thanks for shopping with us!"

She reached out for the book and forced a smile. As she walked out the door, she heard the two store clerk talking about the newspaper. She slipped on her sunglasses. _That's right. That's me on the newspaper. _She returned to her car and drove to her apartment, only to realize once more that she spent nearly $800 on a book.

She arrived at the apartment and threw the book onto the couch. Immediately, she winced and felt a little regret for _man handling _the book. She sat next to the book, closed her eyes and said, "Cheer to tomorrow."

ˣˣ

"Ma! I don't get why I have to go!" Tommy asked. "Frankie's not tired for driving almost two hours! In traffic!"

"You're not driving right now, so shut it! Ma, which store did you want to go to?"

"You two are giving me a migraine! Turn right!" Angela directed.

"I wanted to relax with my kids before the birthday! But _no! _I'm being dragged to the grocery shop-."

"Tommy, if you don't stop, _I'll _give you a migraine that'll last for weeks! Turn right!"

"What'd you forget anyways? Honey? Sugar?"

"Park over there!" Angela yelled.

"Where?"

"_Over there._" She pointed with her finger.

"Ma! That's a church!"

"What are we really doing here?" Tommy asked. Everyone turned silent. Angela became serious. "Ma…"

"Come on." She grabbed her purse. Frankie and Tommy looked at each other, suddenly scared.

They walked into the church, instantly smelling the candle and feeling the holiness creep into their body. They followed Angela into one of the pews, towards the middle of the church. Tommy sat down first, then Angela, and finally Frankie. Together, they stared at the cross. It's been a while since they went to church. Just Angela and her kids…minus Jane. It could have been close to five years. However long it was, a trip to the church was long overdue.

"Ma?" Frankie asked quietly. "What are we doing here?"

"It's time that we…" she paused. She couldn't believe what she was about to initiate. "It's time that _we _had _the talk."_

Even in their mid thirties, Tommy and Frankie became scared. No one likes having _the talk_, whatever it meant.

"Tommy, let's switch seats. It'll be easier to talk…"

Tommy nodded and switched. Then he said, "Ma, is everything okay?"

"Well, yes…" Everything _was _okay. But since Jane…"Eh, no. Not really. Oh for heaven's sake, I don't know."

"Ma, just say it." Frankie suggested.

"I…I just thought it was time that we talk about…" she gulped. It was still difficult for her to say her name. "Jane."

"Everyone's seen her but me!" Tommy said. "I just want to-."

"Tommy stop! We're in church! I thought…I just thought it was a good idea."

"For what?" they both asked.

"To have this talk not be near our house….not near the kids, Maura, everyone!" Angela said. "_We _need our own talk."

Frankie nodded. "What's there to talk about? We haven't heard or seen her almost a week. She's probably gone. _Gone like last time."_

Tommy and Angela noticed her veins pop out. "I'm just…confused on…so many levels."

"Let's just say she is still around," Tommy began, "and like you said a few days back. What if she does come tomorrow? Then what? Do you think she's going?"

"What do you we know about her anymore?" Frankie practically yelled.

"Lower your voice!" Angela said, "_Assuming_, she does come…I…I really don't how to answer that.

Frankie calmed down, "I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's alive and….here at all. She looks sick."

"What do you mean?" Tommy asked. "Fill me in!"

"She's skinnier." Angela stated. "Skinnier than…it's bad. It doesn't take a genius to notice it, but Jane's…hers was too noticeable."

"What if she comes tomorrow?" Frankie asked. "I can't promise that I won't do anything."

"_Assuming_ she goes," Angela sighed, "We'll just have to be good…for Johnny and Arissa. We _can't _cause a scene…_assuming _she goes."

"Assuming…right." Tommy asked. "But what if _she _causes a scene?"

"That would be an idiot move on her part."

"True…" Tommy replied. "How's Maura taking it?"

"I haven't really had a full conversation with her…since we brought them home. I guess you could say she's avoiding. But who can blame her? Plus, she's been busy with…Tanner…and the party. I keep reminding them to rest up!"

"Tanner…" Tommy said.

"Let's not talk about him, please. Lord knows all the things I have to say."

"You know what's wrong on _our _part? We keep avoiding as well!"

"No way, Mr. Philosopher. Enlighten me with your ideas." Frankie said sarcastically.

"Hey, knock it off. I'm being serious here." Tommy said. "We should be talking…talking to each other… talk about the things that need to be spoken about."

"He's right Frankie. I've been avoiding too. I just…I just don't like the guy."

"Why, ma?" Frankie asked. "He's a good guy…for Maura. At least she's got someone. Someone whose willing to love her kids, if not already. He'd make a great step dad."

"But, Maura's not into him, huh, ma? Then why is she still letting him hang around?"

"It's complicated." Angela said. _Far more complicated than you think. _She looked at her sons. _And a part of me always believes that there is no one for Maura but Jane._

"Everything's complicated." Frankie sighed. "Do you think she's going?"

"I think so." Tommy replied.

"Same." Angela said. "I don't know why, but I just do."

"Me too. I just don't know what'll happen, that is, _if _she comes."

"Yeah…_assuming."_

"We can't do anything that'll make Johnny and Arissa ask questions or wonder why we're acting so weird around her…you know? We gotta make it all natural."

"We just take it day by day." Frankie said. "We can't plan ahead or make early promises."

They looked back at the cross and said a prayer, all hoping for the same thing.

"Just let tomorrow be a good day. For the kids." Angela said in her mind. They exited the church, drove in silence, and eagerly waited for the following day. It was, of course, Angela's grandchildren's birthday. _Nothing _would stop them from having a good time.

At least, that's what she tried to tell herself.


	26. Some Parties Turn for the Worse

**My heart broke on so many levels while writing this chapter.**

* * *

><p>Twenty Six<p>

_Maura had her arms wrapped around something. Her head rose and fell. As did the breathing she listened to. It smelled of lavender and she too was wrapped around strong arms. There were no words to describe it except for safe and loved. She moved her head up and instantly recognized whom she was trapped in. Jane It made sense. It was only in the arms and presence of Jane did she feel so loved, safe, and wanted. She smiled and snuggled her head into Jane's neck, where it fitted so perfectly. She took in the deepest of breaths; the smell of lavender, no, the smell of Jane, always calmed her down. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep with a smile._

Maura's internal alarm clock woke her up. Instead of rising slowly and begin her early stages of yoga, she staggered forward and felt breathless while her heart raced.

"I need air." She said. Upon removing her blankets and pillows and unbuttoning her pajamas to reveal a slight cleavage, she relaxed, only to be bombarded by Johnny and Arissa.

_Wait, I'm not…I can't. _

"Mommy! Guess what today is!" Johnny asked. His voice echoed throughout the room.

"Guess, mommy, guess!"

_Forget about the dream. Just play along. _She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "What is it? What's today?"

"Our birthday party!" they both yelled. Johnny climbed next to Maura while Arissa jumped at the edge of the bed.

"I can't wait to see the turtles!"

"_Tortoise._" Arissa emphasized. "Turtles live in the water! Tortoises live on land like Bass!"

_I completely forgot about him. _"Where is he? Did you feed him?"

"He's all good mommy. He was hiding under the couch last night!" Johnny changed the subject. "But I can't wait to eat cake and play games and play with all the animals!"

"Come on, mom!" Arissa tugged on Maura's leg. "Come on! We made you breakfast!"

_We? _Now she was really awake. "Who? You and Riss?"

"No! Tanner, me and Riss!" Johnny said.

"What? How did he get in?" Maura looked at the clock. 5:46 am. "What time did he come? _Who let him in? _What time did _you _wake up?"

The two kids began to drag Maura out of bed. "Mommy! Come on! Walk and talk!"

Maura held her kids on each hand listened to them talk.

"Bass actually woke us up. He kept thumping his head on the wall. _He _woke us up so early!"

"Then Tanner came five minutes ago." Johnny said. "He was knocking on the door."

"And you let him in?" Maura asked, nearly passing out.

"Yeah! He's not really…a stranger, mom."

_Oh really? _"Well, it smells wonderful." They turned into the kitchen. Johnny bolted to the stove. Tanner had his head buried in the fridge.

"Tanner!" Arissa yelled. Tanner hit his head on one of the compartments. He backed up to reveal toast in his mouth and several ingredients huddled in his arms. He tried to smile, but instead, he dropped the toast, causing the kids to laugh…causing Maura to smile.

_What a dork, _Maura thought. She watched Tanner drop in the ingredients on the counter. He picked up the toast on the ground and went to Maura and kissed her. Arissa went over to Johnny.

"Mornin' sweet pea." He said. "Eh, more like crack of the dawn. Anyways, eat up. I learned this recipe back in Italy. Their version of the French toast." He kissed Maura once more and faced the stove. "Hey Johnny, don't burn it!"

Maura sat in front of her food and recognized it immediately. It was _Mozzarella in Carrozza, _a dish not usually eaten during breakfast. _I remember making this for J-. _She choked on her first bite.

"Whoa there!" Tanner ran to pour Maura a glass of orange juice. He handed it to her. "You okay?"

_Don't think about her. At all. _"Yes…I'm fine. Thank you."

"Is it that bad?" he scratched his head. "I took cooking lessons!"

"No no! I just took in more than I could chew. It's really good!" Maura quickly sipped on her juice. Tanner returned to the kids.

_Not a stranger, huh? _She bit into the bread and watched her kids _bond _with Tanner. _A few weeks ago, Johnny wouldn't even hug him and Riss didn't even want to be near him._ Maura drank more juice. _They must be nice because it's their birthday. _Her thoughts were soon interrupted with what she saw. She set her fork and knife to the side before resting her head on her palm.

For the first time really, Johnny smiled in the presence of Tanner, while Arissa remained fixed, not showing much of her emotions. For the first time, they worked together in rhythm. Johnny held out the pan, while Tanner inserted the ingredients, and finally, Arissa doing the last touches. And for the first time, Maura smiled at all of this.

_Maybe if I married him…_She watched Johnny laugh at Tanner. _He really is a good guy. He tries. He loves me and the kids. _She smiled more. _How can I deny him? He's already a father figure to them…well…_Arissa threw an egg shell at Johnny. He retaliated by chucking bread crusts. Tanner stepped in only to be ambushed with flour. More laughing. More getting along. _So why not make this permanent? I can be married to someone who'll take care of me and the kids. I can be in the arms of…no, no. Don't think about that._

But it was too late. The dream was the seed and within minutes, it consumed her. She looked at Tanner and instead of seeing a tall and well built _man, _she saw _Jane, _cooking with the kids. She saw Johnny and Arissa laughing and having fun with Jane. She saw Jane serving her breakfast. She saw herself waking up wrapped in Jane's arms. She saw Jane and that was all that was needed to throw her off track.

_No, Maura. _She chewed another piece of bread. _Tanner's right here. He's right for you. I need to focus on him. I'm going to marr-._

"My goodness! My early birds!" Angela yelled from the door. "I could smell it from outside!"

Maura nearly choked again, this time from her own emotions.

_Oh Angela…wrong timing. _Was she mad that Angela interrupted her thoughts or was she grateful? She ate the last of her breakfast and walked towards Angela.

"Happy birthday you two! Give Nonna a kiss!" she held out her arms. "I'll give your gifts later, okay?"

"Mornin' Angela." Tanner smiled. This time _he _gave her a hug. Well, a one arm hug. "Would you like some?"

"Maybe later." Angela replied. "I ate a small breakfast already."

_Even they're acting nice, _Maura noted. She turned to Angela and smiled.

"Good morning to you too. Did the kids wake up?" Angela asked.

_It was actually a dream…_she wanted to say. "The kids did. They're real excited."

"They'll be out of energy by the time the party starts!" Angela looked at the clock. "It doesn't start till another nine hours!"

"We'll figure something out." Maura said. "Do you want tea? Coffee?"

"I'm good. I left Tommy a note saying that I would be back later." She pulled Maura off to the living room and lowered her voice. "The boys and I…uh, we…we were talking about…Jane yesterday."

"Oh…" It was all Maura could say.

"We were just…wondering what we would do _if _she did happen to show up." Maura continued to listen. "I know the situation is hard…for all of us…for you…but _assuming _she does come…it's their birthday….I just…I don't want to spoil their day. But again, we all have something we want to say to her…"

Maura nodded. She understood it entirely. "Don't cause a scene…got it."

"Right, but _only _if she comes."

Maura nodded again. She didn't want Angela to complete her sentence. She didn't want to think about the slight change of Jane being at the party. She looked back at Tanner and reminded herself.

_I have Tanner. I have Tanner. I have Tanner._

ˣˣ

"What the _hell _is Tanner doing here?" Tommy yelled from his car. He unbuckled his kids. Frankie appeared on the other door, carrying Dylan. Heather and Sydney walked side by side, holding onto several bags. Tommy picked up Daniel and Dakota.

"Watch your mouth! You've got your kids in your arms for heaven's sake!" Angela yelled. She parked behind Tommy. "He's going to be a part of this family, whether we like it or not!"

"Yeah, well better keep him away from me." Tommy muttered.

"Chill out dude…what's gotten in to you?" Frankie asked.

"You know what!" Tommy yelled back. "I just…"

"_Tommy._" Angela glared at him. Emotions were running high for everyone. They walked towards the tables where decorations still had yet to be placed. Nothing was where it was supposed to be, and as for Maura, everything was a disaster. Angela spotted Maura near a tree. She stared at the supplies and shook her head.

"Maura!" Angela called out. For a second, all of Maura's worries seemed to vanish. But she picked up the paper plates, cups, table covers, and held them up in the air.

"That's right, Maura. That's why we're here…" Angela reassured her. She pulled Maura into a hug. "Where are the kids?"

"With Tanner, looking at the ducks." She replied. They both turned their heads. Arissa rode on Tanner's back while Johnny held his hand.

_What? When did this all happen? _Angela tried to hide her somewhat disgusted look. Tommy, Frankie, and the rest of the family came up from behind, greeted Maura, and began to disperse the decorations.

"We don't have anything set up; the food isn't here yet, the animal show said they'd be late, guests are coming in less than 15 minutes! Oh my God!" Maura began to hyperventilate.

Angela put her hand on Maura's shoulders. "Honey, calm down. We'll sort the decoration out. You just sit and wait for the food. By the way, we picked up the cake. I'll tell one of the boys to pick it up."

"Cake? Oh dear. I forgot about that too! What am I going to do? The party starts in-."

"Maura, _please_, sit." She guided her to the table. "The kids woke up you up _too _early. Would you mind taking care of the kids with Heather and Sydney? They could use the extra set of hands."

"Absolutely." Maura said.

"That'll calm you down. Don't you worry."

Tommy and Frankie began to unfold the chairs and set the coolers to its appropriate places. They looked around to find Tanner.

"He still has a bump from when I punched him" Tommy laughed silently.

"Well, you did…knock him out."

"He deserves it, you know?" Tommy said. "Of all the things-."

"Hey, would you stop? Just stop it!" Frankie hit his brother's arm. "You're not the only one who's feeling that. But you don't see us causing a fit! It's _Johnny's and Arissa's birthday! _Can your emotions hold off for a day?

"You said it yourself that you wouldn't know if you could control yourself assuming Jane comes."

_"But she's not here…yet!"_

Angela came running to then. "What is going on with you two? What did we talk about yesterday and on the way here? The party hasn't even started and you're already yapping the daylight out of each other! _Stop it!" _She looked at her watch. "Guests are coming in less than ten minutes! Can I trust that you two'll act like adults? I know it's going to be hard. _But do it for the sake of your niece and nephew_."

Tommy and Frankie looked at each other and then to Angela.

"Sorry, ma." They said in unison.

"Mmhmm." Angela looked towards the street. "Look! Barry, Vince, and Sean are here!"

ˣˣ

Jane sat in her car for nearly an hour. The key was in the ignition, yet she found herself still parked in front of the apartment. The gifts stared at her as it sat on the dashboard. She sweated buckets and she could feel it on her hands. It was nearly impossible to grip the wheel. The heat really got to her. It was nearly 85 degrees. The air condition didn't do much and neither did her attire. But Jane had no choice. She had to cover up the scars on her arms. She had to wear a blazer no matter where she went. And the jacket began to stick to her skin. And it irritated her more. The air condition was already at its highest. She looked at the presents once more. It wasn't entirely presentable. But it was wrapped in newspaper with a card that tried to say so much, and a bow. It was the best her emotions allowed. The card wasn't much either. It simply said "Happy Birthday. Thank you for letting me be a part of it," and she signed her name. Well, _Detective Jane Rizzoli _signed it. She meant the short statement though. This would be the only time she'd be able to be near her son, that is, if she could get to the party first.

Jane grabbed the book and stared at it. "It's probably ending soon." She threw the book back to the passenger seat, clearly not caring for the worth, merely because Arissa's reaction became far more important. Jane growled at herself. The little girl was slowly growing to her. It wasn't supposed to happen. Detective Jane Rizzoli only has a son!

A sudden urgency swept over Jane. She wiped the sweat off her forehead, turned the ignition on, and drove away.

"Great to see you!" Maura smiled. "Glad you could make it. Please, help yourself! The food's over there and refreshments are near the cooler!"

"Thank you! Where are Johnny and Arissa?"

"Oh…who knows where? Tanner's getting them set up for the animal show."

"Alright then…" the woman looked to her child. "Go along. Go play with them. Mommy will be right here."

Maura watched the mother and son diverge to their own ways. She managed to calm down only half an hour ago, but it seemed as if the anxiety only started now.

_That's the last of the guests…_Maura looked around. _No sign of Jane. _She looked around to find Tanner almost trampled by kids. _He really does have a way with kids. _Then she heard the grass ruffle from behind her. It was Korsak, along with Melody, and Josh.

"Hey Maura." Korsak said. "Great food!"

"It really is!" Melody replied. Josh drank his juice and smiled.

"Thank you…" Maura looked agitated. "Did you…did you try the crème Brule? Angela made them…" she continued to look around.

Melody got the point. "Josh…let's go try that…"

Korsak watched them walk away and turned back to Maura."We're already an hour in…" he said quietly. "She's not coming, Maura. Look at everyone!" they looked around. "They're having a good day! The adults are relaxing while the kids are…well," he squinted his eyes, "in…wow…Is Johnny really climbing Tanner? Whoa" he chuckled, "What is he? Mount Tanner? Anyways, just look! Everyone's having a great time and so should you! Come on! I haven't seen you eaten yet!"

Jane was not nearly _two hours late. _She stopped halfway between the apartment and park. In fact, she parked in front of a _liquor store. _Her hands began to shake vigorously, making it difficult to maneuver safely on the road. And it so happens, that Jane stopped in front of the _liquor store. _She stared at the door and watched them walk in and out. She felt her heart pound. It was surely tempting…to buy a drink…to completely blow off the party…to…end it all. But she faced the front of the car and repeatedly said, "Not today," until she convinced herself that she didn't need a fix. She convinced herself that there was something worth living for than to drink her life away. And that was something was only 15 minutes away. She took a moment and stared at the other side of the street.

"Just a couple more blocks…" And again, she drove off.

Once Jane arrived, she parked her car and in the distance, she could only find a hoard of children. _Wrong party_. She jaywalked to get a closer look. She nearly got run over and she _nearly _dropped the book. It was a fairly busy day, or at least it looked busy. She couldn't remember. Regrettably, Jane parked on the opposite end of the Frog Pond. She had to cut through the tennis courts, baseball field, and the Monument. She held the gifts tighter and lost her breath.

Johnny was wrapped around a snake, well, rather it hung on to him. Jane could see her son, standing still, his eyes filled with pure fear. _Yeah, I hate snakes too._ Then came Arissa's turn. She moved next to the man, who looked like Steve Irwin, and smiled graciously, to the crowd. The man slowly placed the snake on her shoulders. Arissa continued to smile. She began to run the snake and nearly got her cheek bitten off as she examined its face. Jane continued to walk towards the crowd, timing each and every step. No one had spotter her…_yet. _Arissa still petted the snake. Curiosity and fascination grew in the little girl's eyes and Jane had to admit that _that _was something Maura would do. Jane spotted Frost first and next to him what looked like Anna. Anna hadn't changed. Neither did Frost. But the only thing that did change was a bump on her belly and wedding rings on their fingers. Jane smiled slightly, until she spotted Korsak.

_Whoa…he lost weight! Wait…is that Melody? _Jane moved in between the trees. _Is that Josh? _Jane turned her back to the party. She felt her veins throb. _You can turn around or go home, Rizzoli. _She turned back. Everyone was clapping, even the parents. It was now everyone else's turn to pet the animals and ask questions. Some of the kids ran to the man, nearly startling the parrots, iguana's and who knows what. Most of the kids lined up with their parents and the first to go up…was Tommy.

_Holy shit, he's got a kid! _Jane watched him pick up a child from the ground. _What? Two kids? _Then Heather came by with their third child. It was obvious they were related. It showed on their Italian-Japanese faces. _Three kids? _More kids rushed towards the animals. It was hard to spot anyone in a hoard of people. But she managed to find Angela talking to Cavanaugh. For Jane's taste, they were _too close. _Their cheeks were practically touching each other! _Eh, she looks happy. _Their little moment was cut short once Jane spotted Johnny jumped on Angela. She kissed her grandson several times before Cavanaugh took him in his own arms. _The hell? _Johnny smiled and wrapped his arms around Cavanaugh's neck. It looked so wrong…yet so…_okay_…at the same time. Then, Johnny opened his eyes. He looked around. _Whoa, shit. He nearly saw me. _Jane ducked once more and waited. She peeked her head to see if Johnny was still looking. And he was. This time, his small neck towered over Cavanaugh's head. Jane got up. She had to make a run for her car. But she looked back and saw Johnny wringing out of Cavanaugh's arms.

"Jane!" he yelled out. She closed her eyes and held her breath. _Shit. _She heard the voices grow silent. "Jane!" his footsteps grew closer. _Oh God. _She dropped both gifts. Her breathing tense and her heart rate sky rocketed. "Hey! What're doing behind the tree?"

_Oh God. _"Uh…I had to make a phone call."

"Oh…are you done?" he asked.

_Polite. _"Yeah…" Jane laughed quietly. "Yeah, I am…"

Then, Johnny hugged Jane's leg. "I'm so happy you're here." He snuggled more. "I thought you weren't going to come."

_Don't cry Jane. _Not knowing what to do, she patted the top of his head and quietly said, "I'm here…"

"Come on!" Johnny tugged on her jacket. "You need to eat!"

She picked up the gifts and slowly looked up. Angela, Cavanaugh, and Jane had a stare down and did so until Johnny introduced them.

"Nonna! She came! I told you should would come!" he turned to Cavanaugh. "Pops! This is Jane! She's a detective like Uncle Frankie!"

Angela replied, "That's…good…um…." She cleared her throat. "Go show her the uh…" Cavanaugh grabbed her by the hip and walked away.

"I think they had to go somewhere." Johnny said innocently.

_Right…somewhere. More like away…_She needed answers. "Is he your grandpa?"

"Nope. Nonna's just…spending a lot of time with him. Come on. I see Uncle Frankie and Uncle Tommy!"

Frankie held Dakota and rocked her.

"Hey! Get your own kid!" Tommy said.

"You've already got two in your arms!"

"So what? Go make and you'll-."

"Uncle Frankie! Uncle Tommy!" a little voice yelled.

"What is it bud?" They asked. Then their eyes follow the tall figure behind him. Their deep brown eyes gazed at Jane.

Near the table, Heather and Sydney watched Johnny walk to his uncles. They recognized Jane.

"Uh-oh. Come on." Sydney said. "I sense trouble." They walked quickly and stood next to their significant other and listened.

"Jane, this is Uncle Frankie and Uncle Tommy." They only stared. "And these are my cousins! That one is Dylan." He pointed. "That one is Daniel and she's Dakota!" Jae nodded and looked at her own…_niece and nephews. _"Do you know where mommy is?" No one replied. The presence of Jane made them deaf. "Uncle Tommy? Uncle Frankie?"

"Huh, what?" Frankie said.

"Where's mommy?" Johnny asked again.

"They're over by the pond, sweetie." Heather replied, noticing that no one was going to do so. "She's with Tanner and Riss."

_Oh for the love of God. Tanner's here?_

"Thanks auntie."

Heather smiled. "You're welcome."

Without another look, Jane followed her son through the crowd.

"She's actually here…" Frankie said. "Thank goodness I was holding Dakota."

"Yeah…thank God I'm carrying 'em too…" Tommy sighed. "She's here…" Tears formed at the corner of his eye. "Aw crap. What the hell?"

"Tommy?"

"Nah. I'm fine. I'll be right back.

"Tommy!" Frankie called out, but he already made grounds towards the opposite end of the park. Sydney leaned on Frankie's shoulder. "Jeez…she's really here."

Jane had gotten used to the stares, feint gasps, and comments, like she was breathing air. There was no need for sunglasses. Her hair gave it away. It would have been obvious from miles away. She follow Johnny and everyone in their path, cleared the way, as if the Queen of England was coming through. Johnny looking confused, but was completely unaware. Her posture radiated a message. It said in her most polite way, "_Yes, I'm fucking here."_

"Look! I see mommy!" Johnny said. Jane's message and posture was quickly shot down. Her heart raced again. She couldn't see Maura anywhere…or Tanner. In fact, she nearly lost Johnny in the crowd filled with…nothing. Suddenly, everything around her kept spinning. The heat was finally tipping Jane over the edge. The lack of food in her stomach growled furiously. Seeing everyone overall, sent Jane to the bottomless put. Her knees buckles as she tried to follow Johnny.

"This way!" he said. Jane closed her eyes for a second. _His voice…calms me. _She gained her strength once more. Her vision and cleared and nothing was spinning. Then, Jane looked forward. She found Johnny running ahead in his little red Converse. She stopped in her tracks and everything around her seemed to disappeared.

It was Tanner, Maura, Johnny, and Arissa, all facing Jane. Tanner had an arm around Maura and the other resting on Johnny's shoulder. Maura had her arm around Tanner's waist, where she curled close to, and the other hand on top of Arissa's head. Jae and Maura stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity.

"Mommy! It's Jane! She's here!" they heard him say. Jane held her breath.

"Detective!" Tanner smiled. He attempted a hug, but Jane stepped back in time, and held out her hand. He shook it. "Great seeing you! Glad you could make it!"

"Yeah…glad I came…" Jane said. She looked at the four people in front of her. _They look like a real family. _Maura continued to stare. Jane stared back. Then, she looked at Arissa and moved her eyes to her shoulder. _Still not ring. _Maura noticed where Jane was looking at. She quickly moved her hand.

"Johnny…Arissa, why don't you take the detective to the table?" Tanner said. "We've got a lot to eat!" he turned to Maura. "I think Angela's calling you, sweet pea."

_Oh now they have nicknames?_

Maura looked out. "She is! I'll be back." She turned to her kids. "Be good, okay?" She looked at Jane once more and left.

"I'll be back too, alright? The burgers are a hit today!" Tanner said. Then, Jane was left with the kids.

"Do you want to see the snakes? Arissa asked. Her green eyes shined against the sun.

"Oh…I don't really like snakes." Jane replied.

"Me too! I like dogs better!"

_Me too. _Jane thought and she paused. _Jo Friday…I wonder how she's doing. _

"Won't you hold it? Just for a second?" she looked at Jane with puppy dog eyes. _God Damn. She's exactly like Maura. _"Please?"

Jane sighed. "Oh, alright…but just for a second!"

Arissa's eyes lit up. "Yay! Okay! Come on!"

"Oh, hold on!" Jane said. "There are for you." She handed the gifts. "Happy Birthday! Open 'em up!"

"Mommy says we have to wait till after the party!" Arissa said. But Johnny had already begun tearing the paper apart. Soon enough, Arissa did the same.

"Whoa, awesome! Where'd you get these?" Johnny held out the jersey's. "Uncle Frankie couldn't find me one!" he took out the trading cards. "_Awesome! _I can add these to my collection! And a Red Sox teddy bear! _And _a foam finger! Thanks a bunch!"

Jane smiled and was met with another hug. "You're welcome bud…The jersey's mean a lot to me." _So much you'll probably never know why, _"So take care of them, okay? And wait a couple years. You'll grow into them."

Then, Arissa screamed so loud, that it sent chills down Jane's spine. She continued to stare at the book. "Where did you get this?"

_Aw crap, she hates it. _"Around town," she replied nervously, "Why?"

"Mommy has been trying to find this one!"

"_This _copy?" _Shit…_

"Yes!" she began to jump. "There was a waiting list! And some bidding war!" Arissa continued to squeal. "But I have it! I have the copy!"

_What a relief. _Jane could breathe. Now her legs had been occupied by two kids hanging on to it.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Arissa said. "I _love _it!"

"You're welcome…"

Arissa hugged the book. Jane nearly yelled out to be careful with the book. But her satisfaction prevented her from yelling out. Johnny picked up the wrapping paper and the rest of his gifts. They walked past the snakes. _Thank goodness they forgot about it…_

"Come on! Food's this way!" Johnny pointed with his foam finger. They reached the table. "I'm hungry too…" he declared.

"Me too." Arissa grabbed a plate, handed one to Johnny, and another to Jane. They got their food and drinks, with Jane's help, and moved to an open table.

_First time eating with my son…and Arissa. _Jane played with her food. Then she noticed that Johnny was doing the same. _Oh wow. _She watched Johnny bite into the burger. He crossed his eyes. _Double wow. I do that…_She bit into the burger and understood why he crossed his eyes. _This is fucking delicious. _She took in another bite and realized that this was the first real meal she's had in over two days. _Damn, this is really good. _She checked on the two kids. Arissa ate like a proper lady. _Just like Maura. _Johnny devoured the contents of his plate in less than two minutes. _Just like me…_Arissa looked at Jane and began to laugh.

"What?" Jae asked. "What's so funny?" Johnny chimed in as well. "What? Why are you two laughing?" They laughed to the point where they laid on the bench. "Hey!"

"You have ketchup on your nose!" Arissa said in between breaths.

"And…and mustard on your cheek!"

"Really?" Jane grabbed her tissue. Truth be told, mustard and ketchup had been on her face. She began to laugh, moments later. "Silly kids."

Then Tanner came by and sat in front of Jane. "Whoa there! Someone's having a giggle attack!" he turned to Jane. "What happened?"

Jane quieted her laughs down with a cough. "Oh…nothing. Just kids being kids." _Be civil, Jane._

"Jane had ketchup and mustard on her face!" the two continued to laugh. Jane lifted the napkin to show the evidence.

"You two are silly!" Tanner said. He grabbed the two and ticked them. "You two are so so silly!"

With that, Jane's mood damped and sent her back to reality. _This is fucking reality. Tanner is their reality._

"Would you like me to clean that up for you?" he asked.

"Uh…Nah." She said coolly. "I got it." _Since when did they snuggle to Tanner? _A gallon of jealousy poured over Jane's head.

He checked his watch. "Well, we're just about to blow the cake. Come on." He lifted the two kids, showing off his arms. Jane followed sluggishly behind and tried to find a deserted area in the group to stand in.

Johnny and Arissa stood awkwardly behind their cake. Their cheeks were red and they smiled shyly. Then, the singing began. Jane sang along, but only in her heart. She smiled as they blew the candles in unison. _It really is her birthday too…_Tanner was at the front of the crowd. The camera he held caught Jane's attention. It was the camera Jane bought Maura on a whim. She was sure of it because the camera strap was custom made. It had Red Sox written all over it, their initials, and the date of when their relationship had become official. _Maura's kept it all these years…_She smiled. _Now Tanner's using it. _Her smile faded.

Then the pictures started. First, it was just the kids; Maura and the kids; the family, meaning Tommy, his wife and kids, Frankie and Sydney, and Angela; Frankie and the two; Tommy; the cousins, until it became the Boston Police, and finally, Johnny and Arissa's friends. It took a total of twenty minutes and five more once Korsak yelled for Tanner to get in the shot. He blushed and so did Maura. Jane watched Tanner slip off the camera and stand behind Johnny. They kneeled close to the kids and smiled. They truly looked like a family. Jane had to realize it again for the second time. Tanner had taken over Jane's roll. He took up the full responsibility of caring for her child…and taking care of Maura, or so it seemed. With that, Jane left quietly behind the crowds. She looked at the table where she ate with her son for the first and probably the last time, and left, wondering if she could ever return again.

"Darling, just sit down!" Tanner said as he walked towards the door. "Relax! I'll get the things from the car!" He was outside the house, giving Maura no chance to contradict. Instead of getting up, she did exactly as she was told. She closed her eyes, leaned back, and thought about how successful the day had been. The food had arrived just in time and turned out to be better than they anticipated; the animal show did its job; the games made every kid happy the weather was in their favor; and most of all, her kids were happy. _That _was enough to put a smile on her face. Maura continued to think about the little details about the party. And then, her smile slowly faded and her body suddenly went rigid.

_Jane._

Jane had come despite what everyone wanted to believe. Everyone _thought _she'd run off again. _But she came, _and a bundle of shock and fear typhooned into Maura. Her throat began to clog up. She wondered what Jane had gotten for their birthday; and why they were so ecstatic. She wondered what they spoke and laughed about at the picnic table. She wondered if Jane figured out that she has two kids instead of one. Most of all, she wondered how Jane felt when _she _faced Tanner, herself, and the kids. Did Jane think they were a family? Did Jane like Tanner?

_Of course she doesn't, _Maura reminded herself. _But seeing Jane today was…sort of a relief. _She pinched herself. _Maura! No! You've got Tanner! _She said again. _I love Tanner. I love Tanner. _The words tasted like acid, but she pushed through. _I'm going to marry him and we're going to be that happy family. _Maura felt a tear roll on the side of her face. _There's no more Jane. She's the one who left. I'm moving because I love Tanner. I love him and I'm going to prove it…to myself._

Maura wiped her tears, got up, and waited for Tanner. _I'm going to prove it to myself. _His footsteps came closer and Maura prepared for it. _I'm going to prove it to myself. _The door opened and Tanner looked at Maura.

"Something wrong?" he asked. Instead of replying, Maura crashed her body into his. She went on the tips of her toes and kissed Tanner. He pulled back and said, "We don't have to do this if you don't want to." And it was always like that. For countless times, Tanner attempted to initiate _sex_, but was rejected time and time again. Maura would always give some excuse to not engage in the activity.

_But I have to. _Maura went in for another kiss, a peck on the lips, cheeks, chin, neck, and another satisfying one on the lips. She continued until Tanner responded. He dropped the bags, closed the door behind him, and wrapped his arms around Maura's waist. They took turns taking control and it was Tanner who led his hands to Maura's bare skin. Next, his tongue caught a gratifying hold of Maura's mouth, causing her to moan. He could feel Maura smiling as they connected with their mouth. He reached further down and grabbed a hold of Maura's _firm _butt. He squeezed them and cupped it until Maura jumped and wrapped her legs around Tanner's waist. He carried her blindly through the kitchen and into the master bedroom, the only room he'd never been allowed to step foot in, and placed Maura on the bed. The silhouette of Tanner's body sent electrifying signals throughout Maura's body. She leaned forward and lifted his shirt, where he took it off completely. She guided her hands across his stomach, feeling the muscles contract, and then to his chest. She kissed his stomach violently with her tongue. Next, Tanner carried Maura to the pillows. They continued to exchange kisses. Slowly, Tanner's hand lid on Maura's hips, where he slid them up to remove Maura's blouse. Once it was off, Maura climbed on top of Tanner. He caressed her soft skin. He began to kiss her breasts and his tongue teased her through the bra. _Another moan, another satisfaction_.

The room suddenly became war and their body heat took over Maura grabbed Tanner's hand to her pants. He removed them and caressed her thighs. They did the same with Tanner. All that was left on them were boxers, a bra, and thong. The motion of the bed became faster, the teasing became stronger, the kisses suddenly had a meaning, for the most part. Tanner curled on top of Maura. With one hand, he removed the bra and with the other hand, he hovered over Maura's clit. The small teasing caused the loudest moans. With the bra off, Tanner took a hold of her nipple with his mouth. Then, he kissed her chest and played a short game of peek a boo with her breasts. Maura laughed some more and dug her nails into Tanner's body as he slowly removed her thong. He went towards the edge of the bed, grabbed Maura's leg, and began to kiss it. Maura smiled, bit her lip, and grabbed a hold of whatever she could hold on to. Tanner's lips were not on her thighs and before she knew it, his mouth had occupied her pussy. A foreign sensation swept Maura's mind and body. She had been relieved from her stress. But when Jane's face appeared in her mind, she knew she had to go to the next level. Grabbing Tanner's face by the chin, they kissed for several more minutes. Maura removed his boxers and immediately grabbed his erect penis. In the midst of the penis frenzy, Maura thought about the last time she'd given herself entirely to a man. It was with Ian, but that was nearly nine years ago. She sucked on it and smiled devilishly as she listened to Tanner moan. She continued the constant motion until Tanner pulled Maura back into his arms. It was Tanner's turn. He kissed Maura on the lips again and slowly made his way down her body. He lifted her legs up, moved closer, and placed his penis into Maura. Another moan came out from Maura. They started out slowly, getting used to the jerking motion. Tanner slowly picked up speed. They moaned at the same time. At their climax, Maura could feel Tanner ejaculate inside of her. With that, their intensity ceased. It slowly returned to passion. Tanner laid next to Maura, both arms wrapped around her. Their naked bodies were warm against each other and there were sweat beads to prove it. Tanner kissed the back of her neck before falling asleep. For Tanner, this was a major and sudden jump in their relationship. Maura stared at the wall. She'd never let another person in her room, besides her kids, since Jane…This was _their _room, where they spoke of every little thing. She smiled at what happened in the last hour, but strained her smile and wondered if what she did was enough to convince her. And if not, it only confused her more.


	27. You Love Me, no one Knows

Twenty Seven

For the second time this week, Maura's internal alarm clock failed to wake her but rather, the sound of a small voice mumbled her senses wide awake. As she removed the blanket, Maura remembered what happened only several hours ago. Instantly, she looked to her side. Tanner was nowhere to be found. But off to the corner of the room, Johnny and Arissa sat on the loveseat, tucked underneath a blanket. Johnny was reading, or at least _attempting _to read.

_ By the looks of it, the book looks like it belongs to Riss. _Maura listened while he read.

"'My dear Mr. Bennet,' said his lady to him one day, 'have you heard that Nether…Nether…Netherfield is let at last?'"

_Netherfield? Pride and Prejudice? When did I buy that?_

"' replied that he had not.' Riss! Shouldn't it be _that he didn't _instead of _he did not_?"

"It's old English Johnny…really old." Arissa replied. "Don't do that to the book!"

"Shh! You'll wake mommy!" he whispered loudly.

Maura got up. "It's alright…I'm up." She looked at the clock. "Why are you up so early? _Again_?"

They climbed on Maura's bed. She wanted to direct them elsewhere…some place where she and Tanner had no exhausted their night away. But they took their place, exactly where Tanner had been.

"Still excited from the party…" Arissa said as she closed her eyes.

"Looks like you're about to fall asleep, young lady!"

Arissa yawned, "Yeah…I'll just…"

"Anyways, Johnny, what are you reading?"

"I don't know…Riss wanted me to read it." He handed the book over.

Maura read the title and nearly threw it across the room.

"What…What? Was this a present?" _Because I certainly don't remember buying it._

"Yup! But it's so old and-."

"Johnny."

"Arissa keeps hugging it and she-."

"_Johnny. _Who is it-."

"…keeps asking me to read it…"

"_Johnny!_" Maura said once more. Her son's chocolate brown eyes stared back. "Who is it from?"

"Jane!" he smiled.

"Uh…" _what? _"The detective?"

"Yup! I'll be right back! I'll show you what she got for me!" he jumped off the bed, leaving the book behind. Maura picked it up. She couldn't help but to stare.

_How did Jane get this copy? _She felt the seams, pages, and edges of the book. An ounce of anger trickled into her as she remembered the endless phone calls and bids that consumed much of her day. Time and time again, her calls would be ignored while her bids kept getting rejected. Maura _nearly _won it, but the company mysteriously disappeared, leading her back to square one. But now…her own daughter…has it…and she continued to wonder just how Jane got this copy that coincidentally was the one she was trying to get a hold of.

"You never told me about Jane." Arissa said.

"I thought you were asleep." _Why is she so persistent?_

"I'm too awake to sleep." She snuggled into Maura's shoulder. "You never told me…"

_That's because you fell asleep. _"Why do you want to know?"

"My birth certificate…my last name…Nonna even had a picture."

Maura felt her chest tighten. _This is it. This is the talk._

"Mommy?" she nudged Maura's arm. "Johnny asked nonna, you know."

"What did she say?" Maura asked slowly.

"She told me to ask you." _Oh thank you Angela…_"She took down the picture of Jane after I asked about it. Then Johnny asked why we have the same last name as her…like Uncle Tommy, Uncle Frankie…_you._"

"How old are you again?" she had to ask.

"Five! Did you forget already?"

"No! Of course not!" _I just had to remind myself._

"Then I asked about the birth certificates. Mommy, is Jane really my mom?"

_Other mom. _Her heart pounded furiously. "She's…she's…"

"Mom! Look!" Johnny appeared from the door, holding his gifts from Jane. He climbed onto bed and threw everything in front of them. He wore one of the oversized jersey and the foam finger. Maura recognized the jersey and the trading guards. She grabbed them.

_I bought these for her. _The trading cards were in pristine condition. _She's kept it all along. _Looking at the jersey, she nearly chocked again. She looked for the custom embroidery. It would be the only thing to confirm her racing thoughts. And she did find it, underneath the wrinkles of the jersey. _This is the one. I bought this. _She looked at the small stitching. _J +M ._ Tears caught her eyes. Maura tried to fight them. But it overwhelmed her. She did the one thing she desperately did not want to do. She was tired of fighting….fighting her suppressed feelings…tired of fighting with herself…

"Mommy?" they said. Johnny calmed down. Arissa held her mother by the hands.

_I should tell them. _Maura pulled herself up, just enough to not reveal her pants less body. It only occurred to her now that she was _in _clothes. Exactly _how, _she couldn't remember. But that didn't matter. Maura called for Johnny to come to her other arm. When all was settled, Maura breathed calmly. She was sure that Arissa would be waiting for an explanation. Johnny, as Rizzoli as he was, never really voiced his questions. Just how would Maura break the news?

"Kids," she began, "I have a question for you. And I really need you to think about it. Is that okay?" she looked at both her sides. They both nodded. "What do you do….when someone you love," she bit her lip, "goes away and suddenly comes back? You're so angry yet you're filled with love. What do you do?" she let the question occupy the silent air. The two kids stared at the space ahead of them. For some reason, the seconds felt like hours. She needed to hear a voice…a sound to rappel her back to reality.

"Uh," it was Arissa. "Easy mommy! You talk. If you don't talk, nothing gets fixed."

"Yeah!" Johnny added. "That's what you taught us!"

_Yet we can never take our own advice. _She couldn't allow herself to reply. Their words echoed in her mind while it slowly eased its place into Maura's mind. She could only nod.

_If I…talk to Jane…would it change anything?_

ˣˣ

A loud vibration startled Sydney. Her hand rested on Frankie's chest and she opened an eye to see the phone illuminate in the dark. It continued to disturb her sleep, causing her to silently groan.

"Sweetheart," she mumbled as she shook Frankie. "Sweetie, your phone."

"Mmm…" Frankie wrapped his entire body around his fiancé.

"Your phone…" she said. "Frankie!"

"No…come here."

"Frankie!" she said sternly. That got his attention. "_Your phone!"_

"What?" Frankie reached across for his phone. It was Frost.

"I thought you have the day off." Sydney asked.

_"I do." _He sighed and answered. "What is it Frost?"

"Cavanaugh wants you here in half an hour." He sounded tired. "He says we need to close up the De Guzman case."

"I thought the two guys confessed?"

"There's a fourth guy, well, that's what Cavanaugh is…just get yourself over here."

"Does he know I'm off?"

"Obviously not, cause Korsak called me too."

Frankie sighed. "See you in a bit."

"Yeah, see you." He hung up before laying back down.

"What about our plans?"

"We'll just have to push it back, honey. I'm sorry." He kissed Sydney. "I gotta get ready."

"Why does he need you at six in the morning?"

"I don't know, Syd." Frankie replied as he went to the bathroom. "Go back to sleep, honey…"

ˣˣ

"Frost, Korsak, what the hell are we doing here?" Frankie asked. He handed their coffee.

"Didn't Frost call you?"

"He did, Korsak, but I mean, what are we doing _here _on our _day off_?"

"Ask Cavanaugh. He's coming." Frost said. The three men got up and follow him into his office.

"Sean, what are we-." Korsak tried to ask.

"In my office, boys. I don't want to talk about this out here." Cavanaugh said. They followed him to the room and waited for Cavanaugh to reach his desk. "Now I know we closed this case and all that. But the mayor and governor just called in saying they're still losin' funds. And _they're not spending anything_."

"There's a fourth guy?" Frankie asked.

"Exactly. The two guys wouldn't give anything up and we thought last week's heist would be the last one. _But it's not. _Over the past week, our government funds have been disappearing. Twenty million at a time! The fourth guy is still out there. And it should be easy to find because they're all using their real identity. Now I suggest if you want us to have a job," he looked at each of the men, "then you better put an end to this. Go!"

Korsak nodded and led the younger detectives out of the room. They scattered to their respective desks and began yelling out what they were going to do.

"I'll look into their history." Frost said.

"I've got the mayor's bank statement." Korsak said.

"I'll head over to the DA's office to see if they'll let me talk to them. If not, I'll just get a search warrant for their place."

"You won't be able to do that." Frost alerted him.

"Why not?"

"Their last known address was found nearly eight years ago. They're livin' off the grid."

"Where the hell do they keep all their things then?" Korsak asked.

"Beats me. But here." Frost handed Frankie a piece of paper. "Hard to believe but all three guys are married. Go check out their spouses' whereabouts."

Frankie read the paper. "I'll check it out. Cal me if you get anything."

ˣˣ

"Maura? Hello? Maura! Pick up the phone! It's Sydney! Maur-!"

"Hello?"

"Maura, hi! Sorry to call you so early on a Sunday."

"That's fine…"

"Listen, Frankie got called in for work. I was wondering if you'd like to get lunch?"

"Just you and me?

"If that's alright… I mean, when was the last time you had time for yourself…? Well, with someone?"

_A really long time. _"Oh, alright. I'll call Angela to see if-."

"No need! I told her before calling you. See you at her house?"

"Okay! I'll just get the kids ready!"

"See you!" The line went dead. He looked at the clock. 9:14 am. She could see Johnny in the living room, surrounded by gifts from _Jane. _He was watching cartoons. Arissa was asleep on the kitchen counter, next to her breakfast.

_If you don't talk, nothing gets fixed. _Her children's words of wisdom repeated in her mind. On some days, it was hard to believe how young Johnny and Arissa were, yet how mature they were for their age, for the most part. But then again, Maura couldn't help but to brag. _They do have a know-it-all as their mom._ She smiled at the thought, until she remembered where she got it form. Quietly, she walked to her kids bedroom, grabbed a few clothes, placed them in a bag, and threw it over her shoulder. Back in the kitchen, he gently picked up Arissa.

"Johnny!" she called out. "Come on! Grab your things! We're going to nonna's!"

"Okay!" He turned the TV off, grabbed his gifts and pointed at Arissa's book.

"Just bring it!" Maura replied without giving much thought. "Come on! Nonna's waiting!"

ˣˣ

"Put me on speaker," Frankie demanded.

"We can hear ya!" Korsak said.

"I checked out the spouses' house and all that. Get this, they seem to be completely unaware of their husband's whereabouts."

"Yeah, that's cause they walked out on them eight years ago." Frost said.

"Exactly when their last home address was found." Korsak added.

"Anyways, what have you got on them so far?"

"They've known each other for more than fifteen years. They probably in high school."

"I couldn't find a fourth woman."

"Presumably, the fourth guy's wife." Korsak said.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Come back to the precinct. We can't do much without doing a little more background." Frost said.

"See you in a bit."

ˣˣ

"How is the wedding plans going?" Maura asked.

Sydney's eyes lit up. "_Wonderful_" Except for the part when Frankie gets called in. Then I have to do them myself. Thankfully they're just the small things." She took a bite of her salad. "Anyways, Angela told me she saw Tanner sneaking out the back door. What was that all about? Taking it to the next level, I see?"

"Wait…Angela was at my house?"

"Sure was! She wanted to clean up the last of the party supplies. But she came back and said that everything was in its place…plus…_she _wasn't the only one in your house…"

"No wonder…everything looked out of place…"

"_Oh_, don't change the subject! What's going on between you two? Do I hear wedding bells soon?"

"No!" she yelled. "You've become quite the pusher with questions."

"I guess that's what happens when you're…well…I'm nearly married to a Rizzoli." She smiled. Maura stared at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply-."

"Syd, are we really here for lunch?"

"Yes! Absolutely! Okay…_fine. _You got me. I wanted us to…you know…_have the talk."_

_ Not again. _"Um, okay?"

"I'll just say it." She set her fork down. "We don't like Tanner."

The last comment made Maura flinch. "_We_?"

"Yeah. _We. _As in everyone." Sydney said. "Just hear us out. We could say a billion things, but it all comes out to one answer."

"And that is…?"

"You're not _truly _happy. Correct us if we're wrong. We don't know how to bring up the subject of _Tanner _to you."

Maura had no desire to defend him or contradict Sydney.

"But, Angela has been encouraging me to marry him…" Maura said slowly.

"That's because she's basically your mother. I know all of this is confusing. Angela has been _wanting _bring this up to you. She could never find the right time especially since…"

"Since what?"

"Jane…came back." Sydney replied quietly. She watched Maura lean back. Obviously, the topic of Jane was still sensitive. "I really should be the last person to be talking about Jane...since I'm the last person to be added to this family, but Maura, Frankie _always _tells me stories about Jane. About you and her. Either Frankie's a really good story teller or you _have _a fairy tale romance."

"Had." Maura corrected. "What stories did he tell you…?"

"He told me how you two met; the day she shot herself; the time at the Merch; and how you two overcame everything. Then he went on about the first date all the way to the wedding. Did she really make the guys build a wannabe volcano?"

Maura nodded. Her heart was crushing to pieces but her face remained cool and calm.

"Did she really wear a Red Sox jersey?" Sydney smiled.

"Mmmhmmm." She tried to hide her own smile from the memory.

"And in Fenway? Wow…just wow. Fairytale. Frankie went on about how Jane would fight for you like there's no tomorrow and how her eyes lit up every time you walked-."

"Sydney, I have to stop you there. Let me ask you. Put yourself in my shoes. The love of your life suddenly disappears without a trace. You think they're dead and suddenly, years later, they return, like nothing happened. All the years of hoping, wishing, and dreaming turned into anger. You think about how terrible your so called _love of your life _is. How they could leave you laying in the hospital, all broken, with two newborns. What would you do? I've been angry and I lost a large chunk of hope. But at the same time, when I saw her, ironically at the hospital, I felt safe, happy, loved, and secure_. I felt relieved. _But the four years of being angry and lost doesn't just go away. It stays inside of you and grows. And no, Sydney. You may _think _I have a fairy tale romance, but let me remind you that not _all _have fairytale endings." Maura reached for her glass and drank the remainder of her wine. Sydney stared back with a smile. "Why are you-?"

"You said it." She continued to smile. "You _actually _said it."

"Said what?"

"You said you felt _relieved _when you saw Jane."

_Did I really say that? _"The words were shooting out like bullets."

"But _you _said it, Maura! Don't you see?"

"See what?"

"You're still in love with Jane, despite everything! Haven't you heard the saying, _love conquers all_?" she continued to speak before Maura could interrupt. "I did not get a masters degree in psychology for nothing! Anyways, what's stopping you from talking? You know, most of the time, it's the things left unsaid that hurts us the most."

ˣˣ

Jane watched the shadows of the sun rise. Now she was watching it disappear. She couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. Food wasn't an option; therefore her bladder didn't need her full attention. She laid in bed, consumed by her thoughts. She was hung-over from the thought of yesterday's party. She could hear Johnny laughing and surprisingly, Arissa as well. She could still taste the burger in her throat – the only meal she'll ever have with her kid…_kids…_ And how could she forget the look of their face when they opened their poorly wrapped gifts? _Priceless. _Jane stretched out her back and arched her neck at the clock. Nearly eight pm. She snailed her hand towards the nightstand and reached for her wallet. She did this only when she was miserable. Thing is, she's been miserable for nearly five years. She moved the credit cards, receipts, old papers, dollar bills, until she saw it.

The picture was of them taken at their first year anniversary as a couple, which had been secretly inserted by Maura…and it never left its spot. Jane remembered how they came across the feeling of possible rejection and how countless people say they wouldn't last. But they overcame all the odds. She looked at the picture…Maura smiled ever so brightly…

"I'm still madly in love with you…" Jane whispered as she felt a tear slide down her face. "But you could never love me again."


	28. What I've been Dreading

Twenty Eight

"Mornin' ma," a voice said from the hallway.

"Morning to you too, mister! It's almost noon! Your breakfast is all soggy now!" Angela said.

"Sorry ma." Frankie replied. A giggle followed from behind. "What?"

"Still amazed that your mom still hounds you like you're thirteen." Sydney smiled. "Good morning Angela."

"Morning sweetie. Same for you! Your food has gone cold!" Angela walked towards the sink. "Have you two heard from Maura?"

Sydney's body tensed. Frankie and Angela noticed it immediately.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Angela returned to the table with several pieces of cut fruit.

"Sydney, are you okay? You keep staring."

"Oh…it's nothing." She reached out for a watermelon.

"Syd, look at me," Angela demanded. "_Look at me._"

She looked up.

"Have you heard from Maura? She hasn't returned any of my calls or text messages for two days. That's not like her _at all._"

"I…I think I'm the reason she's been…_distant._"She widened her eyes at the last word.

"What?" Frankie whispered.

"What do you mean?" Angela asked.

"We had the talk." She stated. And when neither Frankie nor Angela acknowledged it, she said it once more. "You know…_the talk._"

"Sweetie, what talk?"

Sydney replied quietly. "The…Jane talk." Angela opened her mouth, but was cut off. "I had to do it…since no one…I…it had to be done."

"What did you say?" Frankie asked.

"All the things _we _talk about." She stared at the fruits, recalling the conversation she had two days ago. "I told her we don't like Tanner."

"You didn't!" Angela gasped.

"Hold on!" Sydney said. "Then Maura told me to put myself in her position. But do you know the most important thing that came out of our conversation? In the midst of all the feelings she's bottled up inside, the one thing that stood out is when she saw Jane, _she felt relieved. _It may be difficult to see it no matter how many times Maura fights it, but deep down, there's still love for Jane."

Angela covered her mouth with her hands.

"And I told her that it's the things left unsaid that hurts us the most."

"So…wow." Frankie scratched his head. "Where did you have this conversation?"

"_We _went to get lunch after _you _got called in."

"I said I was sorry about that!"

"I know…anyways…and I haven't seen or heard from Maura since."

Angela finally spoke. "Do you…do you think she…"

"What? Actually went off and talked to Jane without telling us?" Frankie asked. "But who knows? But if she did…oh God. I can't even finish that thought." He got up from his chair. "I gotta call the carpenter."

"For what?" Angela asked.

"You didn't tell her?" Frankie asked his fiancé. "You didn't tell her why we're here instead of our place?"

"It…slipped my mind." A small smile creased on Sydney's face.

"I thought you were here because you wanted to!" Angela nearly screamed.

"Oh jeez. I'll be outside." Frankie said.

"Why are you here then?"

"We're adding another room…and a bathroom." She said slowly.

"But you've already got three of each! Why would you need more?"

Sydney smiled. "Frankie and I…we were talking about _kids. _Remember when you said you wanted four from us?"

Angela nodded, unable to speak.

"Frankie said _four _would be nice. And then the idea grew on us."

"But I said that only a week ago! Now you're making an extension to your house?"

"Funny how that works out, huh?"

"So…I'll be…I'll be…getting _four more?_"Angela whispered. She hugged Sydney before she got the chance to reply. "I'm going to have a total of _nine! _Nine grandbabies! Oh my God!"

"Not so fast, though." Sydney winked. "Frankie and I have to get married still!"

"You know…I wouldn't mind if you pushed up the date." Angela hinted.

"Neither would I, _but _Frankie and I agreed it would be best if we stick to our original plan of tying the knot around November and-."

"Ma!" Frankie called from the door.

"_What _Frankie? You're interrupting a wonderful conversation!"

"Maura's here!" he said. Angela and Sydney stared at each other. Johnny was the first to appear from the door. Arissa followed behind.

"Oh my God. I wasn't expecting this." Angela said.

Frankie walked up to his mom. "She's outside… Ma…she looks like she's been crying."

"Get her in here!" Sydney said.

"She's getting…she's-." Johnny and Arissa continued to stand by the door. They waited for their mom to walk inside, sunglasses still covering her eyes.

"Hi…" she sounded nasally. "Sorry to drop by unannounced."

"Not at all! You're always welcome here!" Angela reminded her.

"Kids, say hi to Nonna and Auntie." Maura directed with a monotonous tone. She dropped her bags by the couch. A painful and awkward silence filled the room. Johnny and Arissa kept their heads low as they greeted their relatives. After that, they walked gloomily to the couch and stared at the muted television.

"Maura, what's wrong with-." Angela asked. She was interrupted by Maura's harsh movement towards the kitchen.

"I've made up my mind." She declared without looking at anyone. She removed her sunglasses.

Angela looked at Sydney, then back to Maura. "About…what? Tanner?" Frankie glared at his mom. So did Maura. She almost looked repulsed by the sound of his name.

"Johnny…Arissa, could you play with your toys in the other room?" Maura said with a firm voice. All eyes went to them. Johnny picked up his things from the bag and disappeared into the hallway. Arissa only looked at Maura with her green eyes, before leaving for the room.

"What's wrong with them? Why do they seem so…_gloomy?_" Angela asked.

Maura waited until her kids were inside the room – closed door and all. "They told me if _we _don't talk, nothing gets fixed."

"_You're talking about Jane_…" Angela said to herself out loud.

"And Sydney told me it's the things left unsaid that actually hurt's us the most." Maura said. Her eyes were fixed at the wall. "You know…that's what's driving me. That's what's giving me the extra push to…do this."

"Are you going to-?" Angela began.

"Talk to Jane?" Maura closed her eyes as she said her name. "Yes…yes I am."

"Is that such a good idea?" Frankie asked quietly.

"Frankie! Don't even start with that! Don't bring _your_ personal issues into this!" Angela yelled. "_This _is between Maura _and _Jane!"

Frankie held up his hands. "Sorry! But…what if she's gone? And even if she is still here, how would you reach her?"

"I hadn't really thought about that." She replied as she finally made eye contact with Frankie.

"You're a detective Frankie. You can figure it out." Angela said.

"_Yeah_, but so is Jane. Cops have their special ways of not being found if _they don't want to be found."_

"Alright then Frankie." Angela said sarcastically. "Do you want us…there or…nearby perhaps?"

"I think it's best if it's just us." Maura muttered. "No kids either. Just Jane and myself."

Angela nodded. "Well…now how are you going to reach her?"

"Perhaps…I should try her…phone."

"But she moved! She probably changed her phone! Her number definitely changed!" Frankie said.

"True…but it wouldn't hurt to try, right?" Maura got up to retrieve her phone.

"You still have Jane's number stored in there?"

"No…" _I only have it memorized._

"What are you going to say?" Angela asked.

Maura pressed the _messaging _icon. She knew just exactly what she wanted to say, but decided to keep it to herself. Her breathing became shallow as she typed in the number she failed to forget.

"You'll get a message if the number doesn't go through…" Sydney finally spoke. Maura only nodded. She began to type the message and reviewed it only a few hundred times. She took a breath in and pressed _send._ She stared at the screen and the words _message sent _popped up. The first minute went by. Nothing. Two minutes. Three…four…nothing. No message error. Nothing.

The first step was finished.

Now all Maura had to do was wait…as if she weren't waiting nearly five years for Jane.

Maura felt eyes still staring at her.

"This is it…" she said out loud. _This is what I've been waiting for. _


	29. Knockout

Twenty Nine

Jane stared at the popcorn ceiling as she hugged her body pillow. It was just another wasted day. And to be frank, she didn't give a damn. Her back ached, but she didn't give a damn. Her stomach growled and yet again, she didn't give a damn. She ran out of fucks to give. She'd been awake for nearly three hours and lost, again, the desire to do the things that needed to get done. Her thoughts continued to drown her to the point of exhaustion. Then, at the corner of her room, a feint tune clouded in her suitcase.

"What the hell?" she looked at her work phone to check if it was ringing. It didn't. It remained black and still. "I don't remember bringing another…"

She got up and followed the melody. Slowly it registered to Jane that…

"Shit!" she yelled out loud. "Where the hell is it?" _Crap! When did I put it in my bag? _She threw the contents of her luggage everywhere until the melody became clear. _It's been a while since I've heard you. _Underneath the last shirt, she reached for the phone and took a moment with it.

In her hands, she held the phone she left with four years ago. She smiled as another memory tranced her mind.

_"Maur, come on! I've been doing this since forever!" Jane said._

_ "I still don't understand why you don't want to have a full term contract."_

_ "That's exactly it! It's a contract and I'm probably not going to use all those apps and data and all that crap! Jane stared at the smart phones. "I don't want any of these!"_

_ "Can we at least compromise?" Maura asked. She pointed at the iPhone. "Look at this. It's prepaid and it's…an up to date phone." She looked at Jane's phone. "It's not a flip phone with an antenna."_

_ "Why are you laughing? This phone has been working great since it came out!" she waved the phone in front of Maura's face. "Please Maura! Just let me keep this one. I want a personal phone and another one for work. But just let me keep this one! Please?"_

The phone lasted all these years. It lasted throughout high school, the police academy, hell, it even met Maura. It was only when she became a detective, did she receive a smart phone, and that _strictly _remained her work phone. It was when she left Boston did she carry the _old fashioned phone._

She remembered all too vividly how she left her gun, badge, and work phone. The only form of communication she had was that old phone. And it was on its last few days of its contract. But her fourth day in Florida, she was off the grid.

On a whim, Jane suddenly activated the phone again, after four years of it being discontinued. She reactivated it days before finding out about the whole De Guzman case fiasco. Since then, it had been ignored…until now.

She flipped the screen.

"Who the hell has this number?" No one in Florida knew the existence of the phone. She thought about it. "Who the hell is texting me?" she didn't recognize the number, but the message read:

"_Meet me at the Sweat Box. 12 noon sharp. Don't be late." _She read it multiple times. "Sweat Box. Why does that sound familiar?" The phone number still remained unfamiliar. "It's probably some crazy ass Bostonian waiting to beat the shit outta me." She looked at the clock. Quickly making up her mind, she changed her clothes while thinking about the text. _Sweat Box. Sweat Box. _Jane hit her head multiple times, as if it would make the answer come faster. Then, it actually did hit her as she slit on a new shirt. _Aw for fucks sake. That's where Frankie and I trained while I was at the academy. _

"Someone _does_ want to beat the crap outta me." She murmured while slipping on her pants. "What if it's Doyle?" she asked the walls before saying quietly, "_No one_ hurts his daughter. Me included." She grabbed her keys and left for the car, wondering who the hell this mystery person is.

ˣˣ

The _Sweat Box _hadn't changed at all. In fact, it looked exactly how Jane left in it her academy years. Looking at the entrance, she recalled the times when she and Frankie came here to blow off steam. Frankie would be her _live _dummy and unfortunately for him, he often came home more sore than deserved. Another thing Jane remembered was the gym hours. They were open all day except for lunch, which lasts from twelve to one thirty.

_Now why would mystery man want to meet during lunch?_

She drove to the back and parked her car. Even the lot was empty, eventually causing Jane to conclude that _no one _would be inside. She got out, scouted the area, and went to the back entrance. The doorknob was still the old false iron knob from many years ago. She wiggled it and felt it unlock.

"What the hell?" she whispered. Despite the lack of wow factor of the entire building, as she recalled, the Sweat Box has one of the best security systems. Having a door unlocked and the alarm shut off wasn't a forgetful fit at the store. Instead, it was intended to be unlocked. It was intended that the alarm was off and that the parking would be deserted. Most of all, it was intended that the meeting would take place during lunch. Someone wanted her here alone. Jane opened the door as quiet as possible, but the door squealed. She pushed the door to the wall and entered the semi lit room.

"Nothing's changed." Jane said. The punching bags, jump ropes, speed bags, and protective gear remained in its respective areas. She smiled at each item, again, remembering her times here. She walked towards the bulletin where all the latest events and champions were posted. New faces held certain titles. She remembered when her own face hogged the women's division and ultimately, the males. She'd been the feared boxer in all of Boston, up until she became a full-fledged detective. Work consumed most if not all her time, eventually causing her to be revoked from her titles. Yet despite its 50 year old reign, nobody had beaten Jane's record of sixty four knock outs to this day. Well, at least that's what Jane assumed, since tradition was that the record holder would have their photo next to the bulletin. But no one's picture was next to it. And neither was Jane's.

She turned around to face the ring itself. It had sweat and blood steins all over it and she imagined all the steins she caused herself. Next to the ring, a single plastic fold out table blocked the path to the main punching bag area. However, on it laid a full set of gear. Jane took a closer look. In front of the gloves, a note read:

_Locker room is by the back entrance._

"Mystery man really wants to fight huh?" Jane asked…nothing. She looked at the outfit individually. The pants, sleeveless top, shoes, socks, and gloves was all her size. "Mystery man knows my sizes, huh?" _Fucking creepy. _She looked at the top once more and was disgusted by the fact that it would show her arms. _Mystery man's going to see…_Jane looked at her scars. "Whatever." She hugged all the items and left for the locker room.

She exited the room and checked outside for any cars. Nothing. Thirty minutes since she arrived and no had showed up. Frustrated, she returned ring side and leaned against the post and while she waited, she looked at the contents of the entire building.

12:30 became 12:45 and slowly 1:00. By then, Jane leaned against the ring, her body facing the front entrance. She watched the cars and people pass by through the bottom quarter of the window, hoping _someone _would stop and enter. But again, no one stopped. No one even slowed down. Boredom and agitation crumpled Jane. She got up and entered the ring. She stood in the center and glanced at the banners above her. She made a 180 degrees turn when the back entrance door creaked. Jane watched the dark figure.

"Why the hell did I not turn the lights on?" she watched the silhouette open and close the door. From what Jane could see, _mystery man _was actually _mystery woman _and this _mystery woman _was already in her athletic attire. She held onto the gloves and walked towards the ring. Jane squinted her eyes. The woman stepped out from the shadows and all of a sudden, Jane's knees buckled.

"Maura," she whispered. Jane's eyes dried from the lack of blinking. Her heart pressure lowered and only stared. Maura looked at Jane, only once, as she made her way towards the ring, with her chin up.

_She's the one who texted me. _Maura climbed through the ropes and as she walked towards the center of the ring, she slipped on her gloves. Jane had no idea what to do. _Are we going to fight? Here? Now? _Without heels, Maura was forced to look up at Jane. Fear settled in Jane's eyes. Maura tried to remain as stoic as possible. She took a step back and saw Jane watch her every move. In the end, however, Jane did not expect what she was getting.

The first punch buzzed Jane in the forehead. Her vision had blurred and struggled to make eye contact with Maura again. Maura's hands were in fighting stance – the very stance Jane taught her many years ago.

"Aren't you going to fight back?" Maura asked. The question pierces Jane harder than the punch itself.

_I can't punch her. _When Jane didn't respond, Maura continued.

"Fine…if you're not going to _fight_," she stepped forward, "then you're going to listen." _Punch. _"Do you know what it's like to be left at a hospital," _Punch. _"With two newborns? I spent almost three weeks and every day, I waited for you to come back." _Jab. Jab. _"I spent the next four years raising _our _kids." Maura pinned Jane at the corner. _Punch. Punch. _"Up until their second birthday, I gave up. I gave up waiting for you." Jane's eyes were red from the tears she tried to hold in. She still hadn't fought back. "I tried to forget about you." _Another punch to the temples. _"But I couldn't. How could I? Johnny is _you_ in _every single way_." Tears began to fall from Maura's eyes. "Eventually, we all gave up. We stopped mentioning your name." Maura continued to cycle the ring, throwing in blind punches through her watery eyes. "We hid your existence…from the kids before they started…" _Jab. Jab. Hook. _"asking questions." The punches came one after the other, like the end of a fireworks shows. "Nothing was ever okay, no matter how hard I tried to pretend. I wanted to leave Boston, my job, everything! I wanted to go some place that didn't have some sort of memory attached to you. But I couldn't." Maura stopped punching. She stood in front of Jane, head down. Her energy had been spent and all that was left, were the things left unsaid.

Jane huffed and continued to stand her guard. She was surprised by the strong energy bursts from Maura. _Has she always been this good? _Her entire head throbbed as did her sides. She hadn't had a beating like this since…forever. But Maura continued to cry with her head down. She wanted so badly to comfort her, but Jane had to remind herself that _she _cause of all this.

Maura's face was no further than two inches from Jane. She sniffled her tears until she could speak again.

"Everything was becoming more manageable." Maura spoke softly. "I thought…I thought if I could last the first four years, I could go on forever." She cupped her face. "But they started asking questions…and I had no answers. They started to ask about you." Jane wiped her own face. "I could never speak directly about you. They…they never asked why they never had a dad. But Tanner," Maura cried harder as she said his name. "He stepped up. And…" Jane clenched her fists. "They asked about their last name…and…and…." Maura grew breathless. Even for a detective, Jane noticed that Maura's breathing had grown towards an unsafe route. Before Jane knew it, Maura was on the floor, passed out.

Jane stood still. She hadn't even grasped the words that were thrown at her. It was all a blur, yet somehow, the tears meant something. She cried because she finally understood the full extent of her actions; the pain she caused – and this was only one person But right now, Jane's dazed attention was on Maura, who grew pale as the seconds passed. She did the usual protocol. Check for pulse, try and wake her up, and so on. She touched Maura's skin, which, if touches could kill, Jane would have died on spot. Maura was as soft as she could remember. However, her body was tense, almost rigid in fact. Jane kneeled down, carried Maura into her arms, put her hand, slowly on Maura's cheek, and rubbed her thumb against her skin. She stared into Maura's eyelids, eyebrows, her entire face, and with her other hand; she brushed Maura's hair off to the side and couldn't help but to gaze upon her.

Jane's mind set changed once she realized again how cold Maura's skin felt. She wiped the sweat off her face and looked at Maura again, mainly because she couldn't help it. She attempted to wake Maura, shook her as gently as possible. But Maura only limped breathlessly in reply. A that point, Jane knew his mishap was out of her hands, and not even her brief emergency medical training could help in the situation. She carried Maura towards the end of the ring. And again, the touch was so fierce, so passionate, yes so strangely foreign. Jane slid out of the ring before carrying Maura towards the parking lot. Her head dangled against Jane's arm. It reminded Jane of a blissful memory back in their dating days. Maura had consumed more alcohol than anticipated, causing Jane to drive and carry Maura back to her apartment.

Jane kicked the back door open. Her car was still out there and next to it, was Maura's Prius.

_She never sold it. _The weight of Maura on Jane's arms didn't bother her, but the fact that Maura still had…_their… _Prius nearly knocked Jane on the floor. She hesitated as she stepped closer to the car, contemplating which to take. She looked at the Prius then to the unmarked car and the back to the Prius before puffing in a deep breath and walked to the Prius.

Jane's biceps bulged as she stepped down from the stairs and placed a hand on Maura's car door handle. She wedged it open.

_Jeez. You still don't lock your doors._

She put Maura in the passenger seat, attached her seatbelt, and ran to the driver's seat.

_Thank fucking God I don't need a key to start this damn car. _She adjusted the mirrors and stopped when she looked at Maura, again.

"Craaaap, where do you live?" The hospital was out of the picture. Being there would cause an unwanted commotion. She looked at the dashboard and her eyes trailed off to the side. "Oh duh! GPS!" She pounded the screen, clicked on _home_, and waited impatiently. Once the GPS found its route, Jane stared at the screen.

_She didn't move either. _Jane dropped her jaw. She looked back at Maura and repeated, "You never moved." She put her hands back on the wheel, stepped on the brakes, and look back. She stopped and stared at the back seats. Two car seats settled on both end of the door. It was clear who sat where. Johnny on the left and Arissa on the other side.

Another thought hit her. Simple the sight of Arissa's car seat pushed the fact that she was…_is…_the mother of two kids. More thoughts infested her head as she picture all four of them together in this very car. They would be this cute family going out for a simple day at the park. They could be in the same position in the car and she imagined constantly looking at the rear view mirror, just to check on the kids. At this point, she didn't need a GPS…because, why would she need directions to _their _home, well…_Maura's _home.

The drive was nerve wracking. No. The whole fact that Jane was still in Boston wracked all her nerves. But the drive to Maura's home made the top of the list. _Everything _looked the same. The trees; pavement; weather; neighbors, _everything_! The only thing that did change was people aged. People grew up and babies were born.

She pulled up on the sidewalk and looked at…_their…_house. Like the rest of the neighborhood, the house hadn't changed. Not even the crack at the edge of the brick wall that Jane was _supposed _to fix had changed. It's exactly how she left it.

Maura was still passed out. Her head rested against the window and her skin began to warm up. But with no one telling her what to do, she mustered up the confidence and got out of the car. Running to the other side, she opened the door, quickly catching Maura's head, and lifted her into her arms.

"Okay." She slammed the door shut and huffed. "All I'm going to do is put you on the couch and a wet towel on your forehead. Then I'll be gone." She continued up the porch and noticed how uneven the grass had grown. She could even see the little footprints on the dirt. Off to the side, a small container with worms settled beneath the bush. Jane smiled slightly and wondered just how many things Arissa had in common with Maura.

_Almost there…_

She wondered if anyone had spotted them. The possibility only made Jane walk faster. She heard voices; the sound of laughter, murmuring, and shushing, behind the door. It was Angela.

"Maura!" It was definitely Angela. "You're back already!" she continued to speak. "You scared us off and-." The door opened and Angela's voice came to a silence. Jane could see her reflection in her mother's eyes. Sheer panic dwelled inside Jane.

"It's not what you think it is," she said as she quickly guided the unconscious body of Maura towards Angela.

"Frankie! Come here!" she called out. Her eyes lacked anger and resentment, but it bore a puddle of confusion. Angela allowed the entire weight of Maura to glide onto her. Jane caught a quick glimpse of their house. It looked the same, except only a little messier and more it had more toys. When she heard Frankie come from the kitchen, she let go of Maura, grasping any last touches she could get, kept her head down, and disappeared into the neighborhood.

"What is it ma?" he asked before he saw the full image. "What happened to her? How did she get here?" he kneeled down and took full support of Maura.

Angela continued to look out the door. "Jane…Jane brought her here…in her car."

"What?! Did she hurt Maura?" he carried her into the living room.

"I don't know. I just looked at Jane…and she said that it's not what we think it is."

"Well, what the hell are we supposed to think? She disappears and come back to their own house while Maura's knocked out."

Angela wondered off into a haze. The questions multiplied in her head and she allowed herself to run on autopilot. She found herself on the couch and wondered what happened between the two.

ˣˣ

Jane was now without a car in a city that wants to destroy her. She grasped both arms, shielding the scars from the sunlight and anyone's vision. Crowds began to pile everywhere. The whispers grew loud and the stares and glares were erupting.

A man hollered from the intersection and said, "Get outta here! You're not wanted here!"

Another man chipped in, "You're the worst thing that ever happened in Boston!"

Jane only kept her head down even as the crowds began to burst her bubble. Then, an angry mob surged all across the streets. The comments became louder, more harsh.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli? The face of Boston? Yeah, my ass! Those headlines are long gone now!"

Then, someone in the crowd shouted," Back off! Don't even plan on stepping another foot near her, homie!"

Jane picked up her head and met everyone's eyes, trying to find the voice.

"Hey! Playa, don't even open your mouth!"

_Is that-?_

A man appeared in front of Jane.

"Mmmm…man, Vanilla! I never thought I'd see your _fine _end again!" he said before turning to the crowd. "Ey, back off!" Rondo guided Jane out of the crowds – out of her misery – and stopped at a nearby alley.

"Wait here," Rondo said. He walked into the door, leaving Jane feeling _vulnerable _in the ghetto. The wind was colder and it was most likely dirty. Rats and cockroaches ran behind dumpsters and into pipes. Trash was scattered everywhere and seemed to storm up a hurricane. Graffiti faded in the moldy cement work. Even without a dead body present, this place was scarier than most crime scenes.

Rondo returned with a glass of orange juice and a sandwich. He handed them over to Jane and sat down on the steps, next to her.

"Vanilla, you cold?" he asked.

"Nah…" she drank from the cup. "Why are you doing this? Are you helping the needy?"

"I always got my Vanilla's back." he said proudly.

Jane smiled.

"Where ya been? I find my homie one night and he says you went off to whereeva' you went off to."

She didn't expect to have this conversation with Rondo, out of all people.

"Alright…You don't gotta answer me." He replied seriously.

"Whose place is this?" Jane asked. The sandwich was a godly one. She bit into it and tasted all the layers.

"Mine and a bunch of other brotha's. Fella's got it together and got Rondo here a job. Now I'm helpin' them out."

"You're a good man, Rondo. Even before…er, before everything. I knew you have a good heart. Where do you work at?"

"Whereva' I can find one. Mainly at the shelter. Gotta get them out the streets. Don't want them playas livin' their life like Rondo here. You know, Angela helps me out too."

"With what?" she replied quickly.

"Feeds me and the Guardians when she can. Sometimes, she even helps fine Rondo here with rent…but a man's gotta stand on his own feet. I'll be right back."

He got up and entered the house. Jane drank the last of her drink and watched pedestrians walk by. She wondered how close Rondo has gotten with…everyone. Then the door swung open.

"Vanilla, I know it…" his tone turn pure solemn. "I know it ain't in my place to ask, but playa be proud to know good people." He handed a picture to Jane. "Rondo here was at their birthday. Every year in fact. Your lady…erm…Maura and Angela are always treating poor Rondo with new clothes."

The picture was of Rondo and the two kids. And he was telling the truth. He _was _present at their birthday. She took a good look at her kids…yes…_her _kids. She compared each picture to one another, looking at how they've grown.

"They call me Uncle Rondo." He said. "Neva been proud to have such a title, until now."

"I didn't see you…last week." I was there-."

"I know, Vanilla." He replied. "Rondo here came after you left. Homies dropped me off late. But I was there." He looked at Jane. "You got yourself some _good _kids."

She looked at the pictures for the last time and handed them over to Rondo. She simple nodded and got up.

"Where you goin' Vanilla?"

"It's been a long day," she said.

"You can't go back out there! Let Rondo take you…home."

She began to walk. "Rondo, I lost my home when I left."

He watched Jane walk out of the alley and into the streets of Boston. The detective he once knew was lost in a black hole filled with self destruction. Though his kind heart wanted so desperately to run after Jane and commence the Rondo charm, the pain he saw in her eyes as she walked away caused an unwanted understanding in his heart. And he knew right then and there that _Vanilla _was her own blackhole.


	30. Suicide Jane

**Events in this chapter may be triggering. Be advised. **

* * *

><p>Thirty<p>

Jane Rizzoli lost her mind again. She paced around in her temporary apartment, no longer than ten minutes upon arriving. Maura's perfume had glued onto Jane's body, even when she removed her athletic clothes. And anxiety spurred her again.

"Boston fucking hates me," her hands began to tremble, while the left side of her face throbbed. "Rondo's even better than you are, Rizzoli. People are fucking, _angry, happy, confused, broken_…because of you." She drank from the stale bottle of whiskey she found at the corner of the cupboards. It must have been nearly 40 years old, since it almost made Jane puke her guts out by the first gulp. The fiery sensation faded in her throat by the seventeenth gulp…or was it the nineteenth? "Now your own ma thinks you hurt your own damn wife. _God, Rizzoli._" She pounded her head on the same spots where Maura had…done _her _damage. Her temples had numbed out, grew into a fierce bump, and was now bleeding furiously, thanks to Jane's further self abuse. She accidentally split her wide open. Let's just say, it's a bloody sight.

There was no more courage left inside Jane. She wondered if this was the lowest point in her life. Not that the last four years wasn't. Plus the countless suicide attempts and nights that were very much like this. Or maybe this was only the beginning, since now, she knew just how much Maura suffered.

"You hurt the ones you love the most," she whispered through the bottle. She laughed in agony, the saddest laugh of them all. Shielding the pain into shear lies. Then, out of anger, Jane threw the bottle at the wall, again, smiling sinisterly. Walking towards the wall, she picked up the biggest glass and allowed it to _barely _touch her skin. The scars suddenly roared her name, telling her to do it, to slice another one open. She licked her lips, tasting purse salt, before screaming and jabbing the glass into her arm. More blood splurred everywhere, partially blinding her by surprise in the eye. She dragged the glass toward her wrist and watched as previous scars opened. She continued to laugh and cry wildly.

"You're pathetic, Rizzoli." She growled. "You lost. Hoyt won. He's always won." She listened to her skin crack open. "You lost everything, cause you're fucking pathetic." Exhaustion seeped through her lungs. She must have hit a vein. Everything in her sight double, tripled, until she realized that lightheadedness kicked in. Slowly, she walked toward the couch, intending on sitting, but instead, using all her strength, she lifted the old couch and threw it against the wall. There was a sharp _thud._ The wall had cracked, but Jane could care less.

Next, she ran to her room and jumped for her old phone. Opening it completely, she was set on splitting it in half. Her grip was tight and the buttons were cracking. She cried until her aggression switch to guilt. Finding the wall, she leaned against it and slid down. She accidentally wiped her face with the bloodied arm. Jane's face now looked of a Native American war lord. The scars were there and her "face paint" was there. She sniffled her nose and rested her head against her knee.

Jane Rizzoli was a mess.

"Your own _fucking _kids… she still had yet to get used to saying _kids. _"your own flesh and blood…are asking about you. They don't know that you're fucking responsible for half of their existence." She escalated her voice. "You're a fucking nobody to them! Just a cop!" Tears mixed with blood strangled her cheeks. And then, rage returned.

This time, she went to the bathroom. She remembered seeing an old prescription medication, again, hidden in the corner of the drawer. But before she got to them, she stared at herself in the mirror.

"You monster." She growled, before smashing the mirror, and watching it break into millions of pieces. She hovered over the sink and breathed heavily. The blood on her arm continued to flow, though much faster than a river. Blood trails were all over the apartment. _This _looked like a crime scene.

Jane quickly threw out the drawer. The prescription medication flew out and landed on her feet. The tiny bottle was full and Jane recognized the drug immediately. The name was far too technical and long for Jane to remember, especially at this state of mind. But it's one of the most powerful anti depressants known to man. One pill causes the worst symptoms, often, and oddly, anxiety, vomiting for hours, and hair loss. But it does the job. _But _it's also the leading cause of accidental overdose through use of prescription medication and it's the most looked for drug when one wants to commit suicide with causing suspicion through other drugs like cocaine, heroin, and so on. Looking and _smiling _at the bottle, Jane knew she had hit jackpot.

She took a hold of the bottle, paranoid that it would somehow disappear, walked back to the living room to get another broken piece of glass, and then went to the kitchen, hoping that food would magically appear in the fridge. There was nothing at all. She'd have to do this the hard way.

"I shouldn't have thrown that fucking bottle." Jane said. The blood had dried from where ever it bled from. She walked to the living room and sat against the wall. With her dominant hand, she sliced across her wrist.

"That's for hurting Maura." She said. Then, "That's for leavin' your damn kids." She began cutting, as some would say, _down the river. _Three more cuts were placed. "That's for being a failure, a demon, and…and," her right arm had numbed. She switched the glass to the other hand and continued cutting. Old scars continued to open up, causing the skin to be sensitive. Her right hand trembled in weakness, but the desire to cut was strong. "That's for walking out on the only life you fucking knew." Tears resumed strolling down. "You worthless piece of shit!" she yelled. A puddle of her own blood surrounded Jane. By her last incision, Jane realized she wasn't satisfied. It was time for the final part of the show.

Biting the cap off from the bottle, she allowed the pills to swim in the puddle. Her breathing was deeper and her reaction time grew slower. She grabbed the pills.

"One for your failure; one for Maura's pain, Frankie's pain, Ma's pain, another one for your betrayal, _oh and another one for your failure._" Six pills were now in her hand. It was a lethal dose, but she continued to count. "One for the people of Boston, cause everyone fucking hates you!" Then, she _thought _she heard someone at the door. But her mind was too occupied with the pills. The reasons became more ridiculous. "Two more for existing!" She reached for the glass and ran it against her neck. "Hoyt shoulda killed ya. He shoulda fuckin' killed ya." She pressed a little harder and felt her skin pop open. "You should be dead. No one wants you. Then, a feint bang came from the door – as if someone was knocking. But Jane slid the glass slowly across her neck. She prepared her throat, waiting for the right moment to swallow the pills. The banging continued. Was she already delirious?

Scooping the pills, she breathed deeply, and felt her wrists throb. Then, arching her neck back, she opened her mouth, brought her hand closer, and then -.

"Jane! Open the door!" a raspy voice yelled. "Open the door!" More pounding thundered against the door.

_Did I lock the damn door? _She thought. _Who the hell is that?_

"Jane!" the voice continued. "I know you're in there!" Her ears slowly returned to reality. "Jane, open the door!"

_Is that-?_

"It's ma! Open up!" she said. Jane's heart raced.

_How did she find me?_

She listened half closely and half delusional. The doorknob was squealing. She hadn't opened the door.

"Jane!" Angela yelled.

Panicking, Jane opened her mouth and popped the pills. She leaned back in exhaustion and felt her whole body slow down. She could barely hear Angela's voice. She hadn't made it through the door. Jane knew, since, the old door's screws didn't scream with rust.

Next, Jane lost all feeling in her neck. Her vision had worsened. Her eyes rolled back and everything was spinning. The last thing Jane heard was Angela calling her name. She could probably count on her fingers how many times her heart beat per minute. Ultimately, she blacked out, breathless.


	31. Back to Square One

Thirty One

Her eyelids were heavy and _someone_ kept pulling them back. A flashlight was being summoned at her and whoever was shining the _damn_ thing was doing it too fast. Jane closed her eyes again. Then she listened to the sound of a man's voice. Again, _someone_ was fiddling with her eyelids.

"Jane?" the man said. "I need you to open your eyes."

_He _was the one who flashed Jane's eyes and held her eyelids. He released pressure and allowed Jane to slowly regain her conscious.

"Good…a little more," he placed the flashlight in his pocket. "Jane, just a little more…there you go. Good."

Jane's eyes took a moment to adjust.

"I'm Dr. David Anton. I'm just going to check on a few things, okay?" he began his examination. "I met Maura years ago."

_What? Who the hell is this guy?_

He crossed things off of the clipboard. "I was the doctor on the night of _your accident. _Well, myself and another doctor." When he noticed Jane's confusion, he continued, "Actually, this is the first time _we've _met."

Slowly she began to feel warmth glazing all across her body. And with that, an itch. With her left hand, she raised it. But it didn't go any higher than the bed frame. She attempted to yank her arm out and she did the same with the other. She was unable to raise either one. Jane had been restrained to the bed.

"Do you know why you're here" his emerald eyes sparkled against the light. Jane only looked at him and continued to stare at each other for a moment. Jane tore her eyes from him and guided them back to the burning pain.

_Oh. _She stared at her left arm and followed the scars. Her arms were a disaster. Some were stitched while others were too big to even attempt to close. The majority of her arm was red, while the color of her flesh had grown incredibly pale.

Dr. Anton flipped through several pages on the clipboard. "Where do I begin? You nearly overdosed on Effexor, which is very difficult to obtain. Also, as you can see, your wrists and your neck have been carefully stitched. You nearly hit your jugular vein, you know? As for the restraints, it's for the safety of others and yourself." He put the clipboard to his side. "Thanks to your mother, she was able to, well, let's put it this way, _essentially save you." _He smiled slowly, walked out, and placed the clipboard o the wall. As he returned, he said, "Your family has been occupying the entire waiting room."

"How long have I been here?" Jane's voice cracked.

"Six days," he replied flatly. "You've been out for all six days. We also had to flush out the pills from your liver, kidneys and so on. It's a very painful process and luckily for you, you weren't conscious during the process." He checked his watch. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to. A nurse will be by briefly. Don't hesitate to ask for pain medications or anything at all." He walked out.

"Wait!" Jane said. He turned around. "You said you _know _Maura. Then that means you know me…I mean…you know what I did."

Dr. Anton simply replied, "Not all our actions justify who we are."

Jane watched him exit the room. She wondered how long she'd be alone for – how long until -.

A shadow appeared from the door. Angela walked in slowly. Her eyes were red and eye bags were sucking the young life out from her. It seemed as if she aged so much in a short span of time. Her lips pursed forward, as if she had something to say. But Angela slowly walked towards the bed, looking displeased not at the sight of her daughter, but rather the state she'd been in and importantly, her scars. Then, slowly, Frankie, Sydney, Tommy, and Heather walked in. Jane's eyes waited for Maura and the kids. She stared at the door, hopeful, but no one came.

Jane shifted her attention to the people who were actually in the room. To her right, Angela stood the closest. Everyone else wormed around the bed. The only sound in the room was Angela's heavy breathing and the machines constant beeping. Jane looked at her brothers. Tommy's nostrils flared. It's the only physical response he gives off when he can't express his suppressed feelings. Frankie, on the other hand, had his poker face on. He refused to look directly at Jane.

Angela began to sob. Her eyes went all over the sight of Jane's arms. To say the least, everyone should have gotten used to Jane being in the hospital. It was like a vacation home to them. However, the circumstances were different. There isn't a bullet to remove, scalpels that slowly damaged her nerves, minor stitches to be placed – nothing! Instead, they saved someone who so desperately wanted out on life.

"Jane…" Angela said quietly in between tears. "Why?"

_That _was the five million dollar question, the first being _why _she left four years ago. Suddenly, the restraints around Jane's wrists tightened. It felt like she had some sort of bounty over her head. The two _whys _are the only things keeping Jane in Boston.

Angela began to cry harder. "Frankie…kicked the door down…your couch was against the wall…broken glass…then…then the bathroom…_so much blood. So. Much. Blood. _I…I…" she covered her face while Frankie wrapped an arm around her. "Your neck…open…more blood. You weren't breathing…All I remember is blood…Blood on the ground. Your blood on my hands."

Frankie whispered something to his mother's eyes, patted her back,, and left. Tommy clenched his fists, and followed, as did Heather and Sydney. Angela rest her arms against the bed frame, her hands nearly an inch from Jane. A large lump developed in Jane's throat. No one was supposed to discover her…alive, at least. Actually, she hadn't thought about the consequences of her actions. But then again, had she ever?"

Jane quietly shook her wrists, hoping the restraints would unbind. She wanted to feel the touch of familiar skin against her damaged hands. She wanted to comfort her mom, apologize, and _beg _for forgiveness, but she knew that would never be close to enough. Instead, Jane waited and listened in agony as her mother wept. She stared at the chair ahead of the bed. Angela now had one hand on the bed frame and the other on her face.

"Ma…" Jane's voice shook.

Angela waved her hand in a circular motion. Slowly, she made eye contact with Jane. Her hazel eyes had aged as well. And red rings circled the outlines of her pupils. There were no words to name the amount of suffering Angela had gone through. All her life, Jane grew up with a saying: _A mother should never bury her child. _Looking at her mother, Jane could only imagine what everyone else had gone through.

"Jane…" Angela whispered. "Why? Why'd you do that?" she pulled up a chair and sat down. "Why? I never thought I'd be holding my dying child in m arms…I…I couldn't…then Frankie…he called it in. Tommy was there too…but he held me while Maura stopped you from bleeding anymore. Then…then you…started throwing up and Maura didn't want you to choke…then you stopped-."

"How'd you know where I was staying?" Jane growled.

"Rondo. But he-."

"Why were you _all _there?" her heart pumped quickly.

Angela sighed. "We wanted to…have like an intervention…to sit down and _talk. _We wanted to do it on that day…by the way; Maura told us about that day…you were right. It wasn't what we thought." She wiped her tears. "Maura…wanted to talk to you…again…we we called Rondo…and gave us your address."

"What..are you paying him to keep tabs on me?"

"He's a good man. Don't you dare hurt him." Angela replied quickly. The silence had the same atmospheric feeling from weeks ago. "How badly do you want to go?"

Jane met her mother's eyes, now sincerely. She knew what she was referring to. "A lot, ma."

"Do you think about other people? _Other people _who are going to get affected by _your _actions?"

"Everyone hates me."" Jane mumbled.

"Do you think if I _truly _hated you with all of my being, that I would be sitting _here _and talking to _you_?" She paused. "You are _my daughter_ through thick and thin. But you did the unexpected and the unthinkable. You have to fix _so many things. _I hate to imagine what you're going through…what you've been going through…I mean, _mentally._"

"What…what do you mean?" Jane scoffed.

"They didn't tell you?" Jane shook her head. "You're not just going to get discharged like that."

"But, I'm fine!"

"Not in the head, you're not."

The comment silenced Jane.

"Maura told me you're going to get a psychiatric or…psychological evaluation…and…." Angela began to cry again. "they need to check your mental stability. But…" she sighed. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

"How the hell can anyone forgive the things I've done?"

"I didn't ask about a_nyone. _I asked about _you._"

"No." she simply said.

"You should." Angela was running out of dry places to wipe her tears. "I know it seems impossible…" she got up. "but just try. Then, maybe we can…talk and get progress."

"Where're you going?" Jane asked. She ached in pain. Angela didn't reply. She left the room, leaving Jane with her final thought. She sat quietly for nearly ten minutes. She watched doctors and nurses work their routines.

"How the fuck do I forgive myself?" she said out loud. Her mother's words had gotten to her. And it terrified Jane. However, what terrified her more, was the shadow that appeared from the door.

_Maura _peaked the corner of her head at the door.

_This is exactly what I need. Strapped onto a bed while everyone gives me a piece of their fucking mind._

Instead of looking elsewhere, Jane watched Maura walk towards the end of the bed. She noticed Maura contemplating whether to stay put or walk bed side. And Jane knew she was fighting it. Maura's left eye and eyebrow twitches. It was one of the many things Jane learned about Maura.

But eventually she gave in and sat on the chair, bedside, and eyed Jane from her head to her arms.

Silence and a sense of urgency fired upon both women. They wondered _who _was going to initiate the conversation or if there would even be one at all. Jane's heart began to throb, causing a nurse to check in on her.

The nurse examined the monitors. "Ms. Rizzoli, please don't strain your heart." Jane was confused. All she was doing was watch Maura watch her. The nurse walked out, leaving Jane and Maura alone. Then, Jane tried it.

She quietly held her breath in. It wasn't a secret either, since the machines started beeping wildly. Maybe if she could get out like this…

"It's impossible to _commit suicide _by holding your breath." Maura said. She did not look at Jane, but rather her cuffed wrists. "It's a reflex. You need to get carbon monoxide and nitrogen out of your body. If you keep holding it, you'll simply pass out from the lack of oxygen. And a_fter _passing out, you'll be back to breathing normally."

"Hiding behind facts again?" Jane spat. They made eye contact.

Fire grew in Maura's eyes. "Simply stating the fact! Obviously your attempt would have failed. You would have caused more embarrassment for yourself!"

"You think I'm here to embar-." Jane began. "Why are you here? Don't you hate me?"

Maura began to cry. And pretty hard too. "Why can't we be…_civil _about this? Why can't we just talk?"

"First of all, your idea of _talking _is blindly making someone go to a gym and beating the crap out of them. And secondly, how the hell are we suppose to just _talk _after what I've done? People don't just _talk."_

Maura raised her eyebrows. "So you're mad at _me _for not being mad at _you_?"

The machines had gone crazy and the nurses and doctors piled in the room. But the two women continued.

"Don't bring this back to me Maura!"

"No matter what I do or say, it's going to come back to you! _We are like this because of you._" Maura yelled. The doctors attempted to draw the growing crowd away. But who could walk away from this? Anyone could see the headlines: _Boston's former power couple causes violent verbal dispute at hospital. _"So just stop, Jane! Did you really believe you could avoid all this? And as for you," she turned to the doctors and nurses, "Give us our privacy or I _will _have your medical license revoked."

Slowly, the room became less crowded. Shoes squealed against the floor and snappy comments were made. Maura followed the last doctor before closing the door.

"Is this what you wanted Maura?" Jane growled. "You wanted me cuffed to a bed so we could _talk_?"

"How else would we have done it?" her voice sternly said. "You would have kept running if I hadn't."

"I don't run!"

"The hell you don't!" Jane was shocked by her words. "So you weren't running four years ago when you left _me _and your _children_ at the hospital?" Maura lowered her voice. "I was awake." Jane looked at her. "I was awake that night. I was awake while you told Johnny your worse fears and all the things you wanted to do. I remember _everything _you said to him. You told him that you didn't want him to wonder if you were ever coming home from work. You told him that danger follows you and that you wanted to protect him from your job and anything that would possibly harm him. But guess what Jane? A car accident is what, as you would say, got the ball moving. _A car accident, Jane. _You wouldn't have been able to predict _when _it would happen. So what you said to Johnny that night, is _flawed. _You're not super woman Jane. You may be a cop, but you can't prevent everything from happening."

"That's what you think Maura? You think I left cause I would have never been able to protect him? What else? Did you think I'd fail as a parent-."

"I don't know Jane, so fill me in!"Maura screamed. "Did you not want kids? Did you not want to be married to me?" she continued to cry.

No matter the reason, Jane hated seeing Maura cry. She realized the questions that these were the questions that had been stirring inside Maura's mind for years. Guilt resettled into Jane.

"Were you so unhappy that you wanted to leave? You could have just said so! You could have given me divorce papers and-."

This is not what Jane wanted Maura to think.

"That's not…that was never the reason." Jane's voice became coarse.

"Again. Fill me in!" Maura threw her arms in the air. "If you didn't leave for the reasons I mentioned, then tell me!"

"It isn't easy to tell you." Defeat began to strangle Jane.

"What could be harder than the last four years?" Maura replied flatly and maybe even a little sarcastically. "What could be harder than leaving -."

"Hoyt!" Jane yelled. She tried to free herself from the restraints.

Maura hadn't heard that name in years. No one brought it up at home or at work. Why would they? Hoyt was done for.

"He's dead." Maura replied, confused.

"I…I don't…" they were finally _talking. _No yelling. No crying. Just two people with tension that could cut air. Talking.

"He's dead." Maura repeated. "You…you were there." Her voice began to tremble. "You watched him could he…" Maura looked around the room, trying to find the words. Then her eyes returned to Jane. "Is that…is that why you…"

Jane nodded.

"I still don't understand." Maura whispered. "_He's dead. _How could he…"

Jane's defensive barriers were coming down. She'd begun to cry…cry like the rain. She took in a deep breath, noticing the pain in her neck. She'd never spoken, in detail, about that night, to anyone. Not even to herself, and it seemed that the truth had been fabricated, lost in Jane's own head. Jane, the only person who had a clear vision of the man with the sign, did not have a clear and real recollection of that night. Attempting to clear her mind, she began to talk.

"'Long Live Hoyt'." She said, as it echoed nightmares into her. "There was a man…an old man. I could see his face…but he was old…and the…sign. I read 'Long Live Hoyt'." Jane looked at Maura's eyes. It _still _comforted her, despite everything. "That's why…that's why I…"

"You could have told me." Maura said quietly. "We could have worked it out. _We could have _ _gotten through it together._"

"But…what if he did…is back? Huh?" Desperate pleaded out. "We were on the way to the _hospital_, Maura. Then the accident…and the old man…and the sign. Don't tell me that was just a _fucking _coincidence."

"Jane, first of all, the man who hit us was highly intoxicated. He's currently spending his life behind bars and will most likely be there for the rest of his life."

"Fine…explain the old man holding the sign." Jane said quickly.

Maura hesitated, "Did you really see him? Was he _really _there?"

"Yeah he was!" Jane said. "I. Saw. Him. I saw an old man."

Maura shook her head. "What I don't understand it why you left. Or at least why you didn't tell anyone."

No matter how many times Jane would explain her reasoning, it wouldn't matter as much as the fact that she left. The fact that she left, blanketed over anything and everything.

Jane sighed. "You know how much Hoyt…traumatized me…You've seen the nightmares, sleepless nights… Fuck, I have scars to remind to remind myself everyday! I have fucking scars cause of my pride…cause I keep falling for his stupid tricks!" she held up her palms. "See? Then you came along…the nightmares eased, my palms didn't hurt as much, I got more sleep. You showed me that I could overcome it…so I had to do whatever I could to protect you… Because if I lost you, I would lose myself, especially to Hoyt. Then…that day…I couldn't control myself. He fucking cut your neck, Maura!" Both women were crying. "I failed to protect you! Then…years later…you got pregnant…" Jane closed her eyes for a moment. "You were pregnant with my kid." Maura glared at her. "_Kids. _I couldn't…be…I didn't want them to worry. I didn't want Hoyt _everfuckinglasting_ memory to follow them. So I left…because Hoyt follows _me. _Not anyone else. I left to protect them."

Maura nodded, but in disbelief. "_Left to protect? _That's your reason? Jane, you're not a magnet for criminals. We only encounter them more than the average person due to the nature of our job." She got up. "And you know what? Your so called _reason _on why you left, again, is _flawed." _Her voice grew louder. "You're in Boston because of a case that brought _you here. _A robbery took place at the same time and place where I was. The robbery could have taken place on another day, or another time, or maybe I could have just gone on another day. The point is, _it happened. _The point is, you can't protect everyone, Jane. Danger followed anyone and it could strike anytime." She walked towards the door. "You lost four years of your life, because you wanted to run from your own fears. You _have _a family that could have helped you. But you chose to run. You're always running Jane. When will you stop?"

The door closed loudly, leaving Jane alone, again. Like several weeks before, Jane had bitten off more than she could chew. There was also that perk of having a know-it-all in her life. Maura could pinpoint little things as facts and she'd go on with her life. But now, Jane wondered where Maura had gone. She wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to being the one left behind. Jane had no choice. She wa_s _cuffed to the bed and was awaiting a psychological evaluation.

Jane adjusted her body to a more comfortable position. All she could do now was repeat the entire conversation in her mind. Her head was cluttered. Her heart was upset, for many things. Was it because she failed her suicide attempt? She was angry at failing, but even angrier that her _own family _discovered her, dying by her own hand.

"Have I really been out for six days?" she asked herself. Then, her mind skipped around, unable to get a steady grip on life. The only thing that was a constant in her confusion was Maura's words. No matter how many times Jane tried to twist her own word, it always ended worse than what it originally had been.

Jane's mind silenced itself when she heard yelling – a commotion – outside her door. Her eyes felt heavy. Soon her entire body felt drowsy. However, the yelling outside prevented Jane from sleeping. She heard Angela's voice, screaming at the top of her lungs. Then, came Tommy's voice, Frankie, and finally Maura's. A man's voice came next. Jane continued to listen as she felt the I.V work its way up into her arm.

"She just woke up!" it was her mother.

"Who do you work for again?" Frankie asked.

"You have no right!" Tommy yelled.

"Jane is in no condition to leave under any circumstances." Maura said. "You need to leave or I will have you escorted."

"Doctor's orders." The man replied.

"Which doctor?" Angela asked.

"Show me your warrant." Maura demanded.

"You can't take her!" Tommy yelled again.

Footsteps grew closer to the door and the yelling continued. Then, the door opened. Maura was the first one in. She was followed by a mix of men in suits.

"She's in _no _condition to leave." Maura repeated. The man who spoke outside simply nodded to his men. They dispersed on both side of the bed, where they began to unwrap the restraints.

"Where are the doctors?" Angela asked.

"I don't know ma." Frankie replied frantically. "Nurses aren't around either."

"Not even one?"

"Nope…"

Angela turned to the men and yelled, "Who do you think you are? You haven't even showed us any credentials. Now you're going to whisk my daughter away?"

"Where am I going?" Jane asked, only to be ignored. Her arms were free at the same time. She could feel a full circulation again. The man lifted her from the bed.

"Put her down!" Maura demanded. "You have no probable cause! Put her down!"

Frankie ran towards the elevator and blocked it. Tommy joined.

"Move." The man said.

"Not until you tell us who you are and why you're doing this." Tommy said.

The man nodded his head once more. Another man stepped up and propped a gun at Tommy's forehead. Angela gasped. Maura was crying. Everyone felt helpless.

"I said move." The man repeated. Tommy and Frankie stared at Jane. She was unconscious and was bleeding through newly ripped stitches.

"Do it, or he'll stick a bullet in between your eyes."

_I don't want to lose any of my children. _Angela thought. "Just move Tommy!" she yelled.

"What? No!" he replied. "He has no right to do this!"

"Just move!" Angela pleaded. "Tommy!"

The two brothers looked at each other before moving.

"Good." The men carried Jane into the elevator. "Anyone follows us, she dies. Got that?" the doors closed before they could reply. Angela and Maura held each other.

"What is going on?" Maura asked. She released herself form the hug and leaned against the wall. At the opposite end of the hall, Angela saw Sydney holding Arissa. She'd forgotten about them. Frankie ran to her and returned to the waiting room. Tommy did the same.

"What do we do?" Angela sat next to Maura. "We can't follow them…"

"I'm so exhausted from all this. I hate that we're always _so _close and then something takes it away. I'm so tired, Angela. We were actually talking…and she's gone…again!"

Maura got up and went to another part of the hospital. Angela watched until she disappeared. Her heart crunched again.

"She's always leaving, huh?" Angela said out loud. "Leaving you?"

Angela, alone in the hallway, pondered about everything. She and Maura had notified Cavanaugh earlier. He was reluctant at first, but his own internal conflicts got the best of him.

Angela sighed and saw Frankie appear. He sat next to her.

"We're back to where we were." Angela cried. "Back to four years ago, except worse. We're back to where we were."

* * *

><p><strong>World Suicide Prevention Day, September 10th.<strong>

**Sequel coming Spring 2013.**


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